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A Message from Michele
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Re: Home Sweet Home [Re: Ginger1] #2816584
10/09/18 06:11 PM
10/09/18 06:11 PM
Joined: Apr 2017
Posts: 1,167
N
neffer Offline
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neffer  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2017
Posts: 1,167
Iím really happy to read your posts G. Really happy!

Sending you and your D a big hug!


WW H(me): 48
W: 43
T: 23 M: 18
S: 13
Piecing since 03/2016
Saw the light in the storm
Re: Home Sweet Home [Re: Ginger1] #2816610
10/09/18 08:10 PM
10/09/18 08:10 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,527
D
Dawn70 Offline
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Dawn70  Offline
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D
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,527
So very happy for all of the wonderful things going on for you. Isn't it a great feeling to spend time with someone who just genuinely likes you????? Good for you, G!


Me 48, XH 50
3 adult daughters from his first marriage
3 grandsons, 1 granddaughter
My 1st marriage, his 2nd
BD 9/29/2014
H moved out 10/6/2014
H filed D 11/4/2014
D final 12/17/2014
Re: Home Sweet Home [Re: Dawn70] #2816617
10/09/18 08:27 PM
10/09/18 08:27 PM
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 25,626
Maryland
job Offline

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job  Offline

Member
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 25,626
Maryland
I am very, very happy to read how life is unfolding for you and your daughter. Love the color of her room! As for the NG, he sounds like a very caring and helpful individual who doesn't mind getting his hands dirty and pitching in when you need help.

Stay positive! Things are really looking up for you!

Re: Home Sweet Home [Re: Ginger1] #2816698
10/10/18 02:12 PM
10/10/18 02:12 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 3,077
G
Ginger1 Offline OP
Member
Ginger1  Offline OP
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G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 3,077
Thanks everyone! M really is a great guy. He thinks I am a great girl. It works so far. I told him I don't know how to thank him for the help he gives me, and he told me to just keep being the awesome person I am.

The house is going to be a slow go, but it's slowly happening. My friend and I got the kitchen mostly cleaned out last night. She is going to help some more tonight. I really don't want to go this weekend because there is so much to do and I am absolutely exhausted, but I have to do what I have to do. My dad comes tomorrow and he will stay an extra day while I am gone to get some things done for me.

Thanks job! I love the color of her room too! As does she. I don't like the way my color came out and I want hers, lol. She loves it there. I am still kind of getting used to it as my home. I'll get more comfortable as things get put away and I get settled in.

If I can just battle this exhaustion now and things calm down, I'll be good to go.

Re: Home Sweet Home [Re: Ginger1] #2816923
10/11/18 03:15 PM
10/11/18 03:15 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 3,077
G
Ginger1 Offline OP
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Ginger1  Offline OP
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G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 3,077
I've decided to go to the wedding, even though I ain't got time for that! My dad and his wife are finally coming back to get their dog and have hired a handy man to get some stuff done around my house (my dad is a city guy who never lived in a regular house in his life and his motto is "pay the super"). Even though I am leaving on Friday, they will stay and get stuff done. There was a problem installing the dish washer. I also had no clue my gas wasn't hooked up. They are coming to turn it on tomorrow. They are going to get my TV's mounted for me and put a mailbox in and hopefully mow my lawn. It will be of great help, and next week I will just continue to organizer and unload boxes. I am stressing packing because I don't know where anything is!!! I promised D11 I would take her and her BFF indoor skydiving tonight even though I have zero time or energy, but I already cancelled for this past Sunday. She says to me "once you see the look on her face, you'll be so glad you took us" She's so funny.

One thing that has been plaguing me about my new guy. Well, not about him, about me. I seriously have some scars. Things are going great, he leaves me with no anxiety or reasons to doubt, ect. But can't get the thought out of the back of my head that he is going to do what everyone else does and tell me "something just isn't perfect" and want to look for something better. he gives me absolutely no reason to feel that way, so I know it's me. I don't know how to shake the insecurity. It's not changing my behavior or stopping me from enjoying myself, but more like my making me feel like I shouldn't be enjoying myself. But I really am.

Thanks for listening to the ramble.

Re: Home Sweet Home [Re: Ginger1] #2816951
10/11/18 04:23 PM
10/11/18 04:23 PM
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,345
Midwest
D
DonH Offline
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DonH  Offline
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,345
Midwest
What? Wait, woah... Did D11 not just go indoor skydiving a few weeks ago for her birthday? Why on earth does she need to go again already? This is not like going to a movie or something is it? I'd think it's more a one time or once in a great white thing. It sure sounds like this young child totally knows how to play you and get whatever she wants. Sometimes "no" is the correct answer - especially when you have a huge move going on and don't have the time and energy, not to mention the money, for it! You are very very good to that girl and she may well deserve it but she has you so wrapped around her little finger Ginger. Not healthy. SHES A CHILD

I wish I had better comments for your fears but I'm not sure I do. I mean it's not like these fears are unfounded. Sure, not everyone on the planet is going to do what many others have done, but you are fearing what you've had happen over and over again, what you've seen with others, what you've read about constantly here. It would kill anyone's trust. I've said it before, I don't think id be able to do what you are doing after so many disappointments back to back. Although it does get easier with time. Perhaps hoping for the best while remaining prepared for the worst is the way to handle it. It's also another reason to open up slowly and not move too quickly. People suc, it's just a sad fact. They go from telling you how much they enjoy you and later in how much they love you to claiming they never really did. They break up over a text message rather than have a discussion with you - or just ghost you. It's somehow become the norm. Sorry for being such a downer but it's just how i feel and honestly think your fears are not unfounded nor unhealthy. You do have scars. Your response is normal. Now if you and this latest guy had been together for a year or two and you still felt this way I think that would be reason for concern. But you are less than 2 months in - right? I really think it's normal to be vigilant, cautious and go SLOW! That does not mean don't enjoy it, or try to pull back or distance or anything, just try your best to attach slowly and make him continue to prove and show who he is. With time I think your fears will diminish as they should. If you feel this way a year from now, then it's time to address it. For now I think it's very normal.

But the feeling stinks. I felt it with Wild Girl many times only to find out it was unfounded and nothing to worry about - until it was. But you know what, it just has helped me to back off and what's going to happen will happen. You've made it through all of these other guys. What would be one more - if it even happens? If it does you'll be just fine. But in the meantime you're having a great time and already have some great memories to look back on - as do I. Try to focus on that - you are stronger than you think you are - well unless it comes to D11 in which case... Lol.


DonH
Midwest
Me 55
WAW-EXW 54
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
3 actual GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Re: Home Sweet Home [Re: Ginger1] #2816977
10/11/18 05:33 PM
10/11/18 05:33 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 3,077
G
Ginger1 Offline OP
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Ginger1  Offline OP
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G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 3,077
Don- my ex and I decided to split a package when we took her the first time. The cost was significantly less when we bought it there and D11 is very thoughtful and knew how much her BFF wanted to do this, so we got it as a Christmas gift, only it has to be used in a certain amount of time. It's not about being wrapped around my finger. I already cancelled once and she was understanding. It's already paid for and split. First cancellation was a teaching moment where she would have to be understanding and deal with the disappointment, second time, a teaching moment where I am going to show her to honor her commitments. Inconvenient, but it is what it is. trust me, this kid hears "NO" often.

It is probably reasonable I have these feelings now so I am not surprised when anything does happen. I can't complain about one thing right now between us. The pace we are taking is just right. We don't oversee eachtoher, we aren't introducing to families and friends yet. It's all good. I am always just fine, but I know I am losing the strength to keep starting over.

But I am just going to enjoy myself. I can't wait to see him again on Tuesday.

Re: Home Sweet Home [Re: Ginger1] #2816990
10/11/18 06:50 PM
10/11/18 06:50 PM
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 2,817
J
Joseph9 Offline
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Joseph9  Offline
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Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 2,817
I know in a man's world they always talk about staying on you purpose and nothing, including females, should get in your way. I think if you keep yourself focused on your D and all the things you love to do or where doing before Mr. Man entered into your life then that should help you navigate trying to keep your feeling and emotions under control. Not overseeing him should also help but I think it is female nature to want to spend as much time together as possible.

It sounds like your doing well!!


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 45, W: 44. D: 9. D: 7 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Re: Home Sweet Home [Re: Ginger1] #2816994
10/11/18 06:57 PM
10/11/18 06:57 PM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 14,213
K
kml Offline
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kml  Offline
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K
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 14,213
When I learned to ride a dirt bike my friend told me - "don't look where you don't want to go, if you look at the ditch you'll end up in the ditch".

Act self-confident even if you don't feel it yet. Confidence is sexy. Act As If he adores you and you are a goddess. (Which is probably true too.)

Re: Home Sweet Home [Re: Ginger1] #2817305
10/14/18 01:47 AM
10/14/18 01:47 AM
Joined: May 2016
Posts: 1,437
NC
C
Coconut Offline
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Coconut  Offline
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C
Joined: May 2016
Posts: 1,437
NC
G,

I gotta say you and your D look so happy at the wedding, I'm happy that you took a minute out of your busy life to enjoy spending time with friends and family, so worth it..

Coconut smile


M - 9 1/2 years
5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA
10/31/16 - We sold house
01/10/18 - D Finalized
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