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petri #2812087 09/12/18 05:24 PM
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Neff. She isn't taking any validation. Jumps over it and continues with the sameoldsameold.


Me:39 W:36
S:12 D:9
T:14 M:11
Separation:sep. 1 2017
D filed oct. 2017
D finalized july 2018
OM confirmed feb 2018
D finalized July 2018

The fact is this. You have to be in pain before you can learn.
petri #2812088 09/12/18 05:31 PM
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Just keep validating.

Even when she jumps over it.

Remember the "I understand what you are asking, and why you feel the way you do, but I need some time to consider it before I can answer." tactic. Read the validation thread. Study it.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
petri #2812605 09/15/18 04:10 PM
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How are things going P?


WW H(me): 53
W: 48
T: 27 M: 22
S: 18
Piecing since 03/2016
Saw the light in the storm
petri #2812615 09/15/18 07:18 PM
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Things are going quite good actually. I had a date couple of days ago. Both of us agreed not to have anything serious right now. So detaching and GALing.

XW has laid low for a couple of days now. She had D8 inform me about D8's doctor visit. We usually inform each other about these. Not anymore apparrently. And for some reason ex-MIL is asking me about childcare on XW's turn in a couple of weeks.

But I'm good and the kids seem to be doing just fine!


Me:39 W:36
S:12 D:9
T:14 M:11
Separation:sep. 1 2017
D filed oct. 2017
D finalized july 2018
OM confirmed feb 2018
D finalized July 2018

The fact is this. You have to be in pain before you can learn.
petri #2813785 09/22/18 12:24 PM
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Let's see what kind of drama we are getting into today. D8 is going to her cousin's b-day tomorrow. D8 said that her mom had told her that dad is going buy the present for D8's cousin. Today XW texted me to remember to buy the present. I told her that it is her niece and I'm not invited at the birthday. XW wasn't excatly happy with my response.

Otherwise things are going along just fine. I've had a great week with my kids.


Me:39 W:36
S:12 D:9
T:14 M:11
Separation:sep. 1 2017
D filed oct. 2017
D finalized july 2018
OM confirmed feb 2018
D finalized July 2018

The fact is this. You have to be in pain before you can learn.
petri #2813880 09/23/18 04:07 AM
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Petri,

How's life in Finland? Wish I were there. My favorite destination in Europe isn't too far from you.

It's odd that your ex-wife seems so casual and doesn't really act like you two are divorced. It seems she just expects you to do certain things. Perhaps she just needs more reminders that you're divorced now and things are different.
It's good to hear you're doing well otherwise. What did you ever decide to do about your house?

petri #2813940 09/23/18 05:19 PM
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Nicole! It's starting to turn to autumn in full speed. It's ruska time now. Northern lights are lighting up more frequently. But it's dark...

Our house is for sale. Hopefully we'll sell it soon.

XW is mostly communicating through D8. I hate that.

Last edited by petri; 09/23/18 05:19 PM.

Me:39 W:36
S:12 D:9
T:14 M:11
Separation:sep. 1 2017
D filed oct. 2017
D finalized july 2018
OM confirmed feb 2018
D finalized July 2018

The fact is this. You have to be in pain before you can learn.
petri #2813947 09/23/18 08:15 PM
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D8 is her pawn? You going to tell her to stop? And to leave you alone for the most part, unless it's child related?

My W hated it when I kept it business, answered her questions, and walked away immediately without small talk or letting her get to talk to me. But it's a good thing, one of those negative reactions that is actually a good outcome.


H 34
W 29
BD 3/12/18
Divorce Busted Spring 19

It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
petri #2813998 09/24/18 03:05 AM
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Yes I'm telling her to stop. Today when I see her. She is not in contact at the time if it's not child/house related.


Me:39 W:36
S:12 D:9
T:14 M:11
Separation:sep. 1 2017
D filed oct. 2017
D finalized july 2018
OM confirmed feb 2018
D finalized July 2018

The fact is this. You have to be in pain before you can learn.
petri #2814122 09/24/18 05:29 PM
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Petri,

I guess it's not long until the Christmas lights start to brighten the darkness! I'd love to see the Northern lights. I've never had a chance to see them. I miss your part of the world so badly.

I hope you and your ex-wife can find a better way to communicate. I'm sure she was a great woman when you married her and a wonderful wife until this started happening, but her actions as you've described since she left make her sound very immature. You, on the other hand, sound very level headed and rationale given everything you've endured.

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