I've been reading your thread and feel really touched by it. I have an S16 and although there is np violence and no cheating. My W and I separated in May and my S permanently lives with me. He is so angry at his mom for giving up. First thing I want you to know - it will not be easy! You are dealing with a teenager who has their own issues and adding to that- their world as they know it is falling apart. Get her to IC if you can. Do not let these negative thoughts reside and fester within her- better for her to get it out. If not IC go to a school councilor or clergy member if you follow the church or someone who can help. When you spend time with D - be present really be mindful of what she says and does. Let her know this is NOT her fault and she had no part in it. Reach for those memorable moments -try to give her positive memories that she can keep with her about this difficult time.Get connected with her friends it gives you commonality and things to talk about. Be vigilant for signs of depression- lack of motivation, over sleeping always in some sort of pain or discomfort- cutting, just to mention a few. Take her to the doctor if necessary. Make sure your D eats and sleeps well and one thing that I found helpful is to establish some sort of routine for them ( they may not be able to think straight with all that is going on). Know that it is beneficial to them to have a HEALTHY relationship with W but what my priest said was they are old enough to form opinions and process information for themselves- allow them to heal on their terms and in their own time frame. Last but not least - BE OPEN. Keep the door to communication open- keep mind open to signs both positive and negative and act accordingly. Keep your HEART open for both your D and your W. Love with all your heart!! Stay Well- Blessings!
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
thanks for the encouragement lw. am glad to have found you in this thread, an LBH with a kid that was left by WW/WAS. D13 goes to IC. She already had a history of cutting prior to this dire situation. It was when her dog was dying. she was so distraught by it, that she expressed her emotions that way. So when WW decides to tell her about her A, i did not hesitate to find her IC. She knows she is loved by me, and I assure her everyday that WW still loves her, even though in D13’s own eyes, she sees it differently in the way her mother acts towards her. I have already given up in changing her mind in her attitude towards WW. As what D13 told me the last time, when I asked her not be angry at WW, “ why won’t you let me feel what I want to feel?” and that got stuck in my head and realized that’s how the cutting incident happened, when she withholds her feelings. She still. any get over that fact that she is partly to blame for WW’s A. Every time WW hangs out with POS, she’s asks D13 to lie for her. Hence D13 holds herself accountable for that, she always says she should’ve told me. I also could’ve been happier that I’ve know more about my daughter during this entire stitch, than the years i’ve taken care of her. Always staying positive despite the negative sitch. Being strong not just for myself but for D13 as well.
Be there for your D, toe. She must keep doing IC. Try to keep your husband-wife sitch away from her. W is her mother, of course D loves her so understand D´s pain and deception. Don´t fuel that fire, I know you aren´t. Read Lone previous post.
You are the lighthouse T!
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
thanks nef. that’s the thing i don’t fuel the fire. WW does it herself. When WW doesn’t come home and D13 asks if she is, of course i won’t lie to her. I always try my best to steer D13’s mind off the negativity, but it’s the elephant in the room. I cant help if she asks questions why WW is like this or like that. Just trying to be honest and strong in front of her.
thanks nef... lighthouse is always and will always be shining. WW has a convo with D13 last night.WW mentions to her that she can’t stand this “house”. D13 answers, “well it’s home for me.”. WW continues to argue, “nomits just a house”D13 ignores her and leaves.
Your wife is having a hard time, so keep that in mind when you interact with her. She's taking it out on others. Don't take what she says at face value. Tell your daughter the same.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
thanks ovrr... convo for the whole week is about bills, nothing else. my messages to her are business type, no pronouns. straight up business. WW’s convo with D14 happened because, D14 said something about WW hitting her and of course IC has to stop/control it right away. Plus D14’s IC suggests to WW that she needs to build R with D14. WW probably got shook too about the hitting incident, that she doesn’t want to lose D14. WW apologized and was crying about it. Unfortunately D14 wasn’t buying any of it. WW did this to herself, and only she can fix it.,4
journaling... D13 turns D14 today. didn’t plan anything special. just got her an ice cream cake for breakfast. chicken wings and mac n cheese for dinner. her favorite food. was thinking WW might take her some place.she asked D14 if she wants to go out for dinner, D14 says, ”no thanks”. D14 plans in having dinner tomorrow with some friends.
My S when asked what he wanted for his bday recently replied- my family. I think he knows I'm trying my best. He did his best to downplay his bday -I wanted to do something special for him but he just said it didn't matter. Anyways stay connected -stay positive!
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
