how old are the kids? If they are old enough to make up their mind(say 7 or 8 or older?) then maybe just remind them periodically that they can. If they are like 4 or 5, then I would say that you and W should arrange a standard time maybe once a week or something to talk.
I wouldn’t force them to just randomly call her as a response to her calling you “controlling”.
Thanks. They are around those ages. W had given them a mobile phone and said not to tell me they have it, and to use it in secret when with me. They told me and I looked after it and gave it to them when they wanted to make a call because I think they are too young to have one and be using it a lot. One of the kids said they missed their mum so I suggested they called - and as a result it shows W that I'm not being controlling stopping them.
W is obsessed with claiming that I'm controlling when I thought I was being a responsible adult.
To me, it IS controlling if you are just establishing different rules than W and not discussing with her. I think it’s reasonable to discuss the phone usage expectation with w rather than just “taking it” from your kids. W have it to them to use at your house to talk with her. So you taking it is changing her rule through them rather than being united with her about the expectations. You shouldn’t be communicating these kinds of decisions through the kids if your expectations differ from w’s.
When the kids have/had free reign with the phone at your house, did you cap time with it? Did you set rules/guidelines/expectations? Or is it YOU who is doling it out like a gatekeeper?
No other parents I know of let their kids have their own mobile phone at that age and it had been our established policy too.
However, W gave one a mobile phone to keep secret from me and to secretly use it to contact her. Kid was distraught at being put in that position by W. I thanked the kids for telling me and I said there was no need to keep it a secret.
I showed them how to use it. They had no interest at all in calling their Mum or anyone else. They only used it for text messages. I had it in between times to charge it up for them and so they didn't use it during meal times, at school (where kids phones are banned), during homework or bedtime. They don't call W and she accuses me of being controlling. One said they missed W so I suggested they called her. I didn't speak to W then or the next day when she called the main house phone to speak to them in the morning before school. I just answered and gave the phone to the kids.
I wondered whether giving-in over the kids having a mobile phone (W has got her own way over that) and encouraging the kids to contact their mum would be seen as W cake eating?
How can contact with a parent be cake eating? Do you speak to the kids when they are with her? Discuss with your wife about the phone. You need to keep your relationship with your wife separate to the kids.
M: 17 T:17 Me:42 H:48 BD 23/12/2017 H says ‘I don’t want to be married’ D 17 D 15, D 13, S 10, S 10
How can contact with a parent be cake eating? Do you speak to the kids when they are with her? Discuss with your wife about the phone. You need to keep your relationship with your wife separate to the kids.
In 4 months, W has only let me speak to one of the kids once via phone. At least with W giving one a mobile I can now text one of them.
W has sent a message to say she wants to close our joint account. It is used to pay household bills, mortgage, food for the kids. The house is in joint names and we have 50/50 for the kids but she hasn't proposed contributing anything and she earns a lot.
W has sent a message to say she wants to close our joint account. It is used to pay household bills, mortgage, food for the kids. The house is in joint names and we have 50/50 for the kids but she hasn't proposed contributing anything and she earns a lot.
Follow the advise given by your solicitor and a financial adviser and get all your ducks in order.
Forget about any Recon or basing your actions to please STBXW.
Whether you want this Relationship or not is irrelevant now. Gain some control and certainty rather than this constant reactive behavior that has been a common feature of all your posts/updates from the beginning of your time here.
Wife said this... Wife said that.. is irrelevant at this stage. This is a very important stage of this process that needs your full attention as I assume you cant afford to live alone in your current location, so you need to start looking at difference locations etc.. to prepare for what is coming.
W contribution is paid into the joint account and she is now wanting to close it with no provision in place for the kids and home.
It was thought best to get the formal custody issue out there first. Getting a 50/50 deal should mean W still having to continue to contribute something.
I have sent W a message that my legal advice is that she should now send full financial disclosure to my solicitor to make an agreement. If she does that then it will show the money she was taking. From that I should be able to calculate a date if/when I may have to file for D.
Lately I've been feeling detached as W looks in such a negative state towards me that there's no way I'd consider any move towards her because it would be rejected anyway.
However, did the exchange of kids today and W looked almost normal so it threw me a bit. I looked smart, happy and joked with the kids that W laughed about. I went off into a shop with the kids, then W followed us. W then sent a few messages and I've not responded as they were not questions. One was to say she'd speak to her legal person about the financial disclosure that my solicitor wants. W won't want me to know those details so I expect W will file for D if she has to do that because it will show what she's done and it's required for D anyway.
My main fear is losing the house in a D because I can't find the extra 120k I'd need to buy W out. If I keep the house then I could keep 50/50 custody kids. If I lose the house then I won't be able to afford to live in the local area and so I'll lose the kids. Anyone have 120K to save my family?
