If you have been NC, I assume she hasn't seen any changes (improvements) in you, that brought her back? She basically wanted to go back to the exact person she left?
I really don't know. The only thing that I do know is that she had been checking up on my social media.
Did she know you had a GF when she reached out (or the state of your relationship with GF)?
Yes, she knew. I told her that I couldn't contact her and that I loved the GF. The GF refused to believe I wasn't in contact with the ex-wife before she showed up at the house that day.
Why now? Why not when her previous relationship ended? Do you know the answer to that?
Your guess is as good as mine. I know I had gone through and deleted some old stuff from social media a couple weeks before she contacted me and I suspect that triggered her in some way in that I was truly moving on and she had to act. From what I understand, her previous relationship lasted only a few months after the initial separation and I'm sure she was out there looking for Mr. Perfect during that time.
From your first post in this thread, I can't see whether she had someone else when she left you, or at the time of D. Do you feel betrayed or is that not an issue for you?
Yes, she had met someone a week before the BD and separation. She denied it at the time but all the signs were there. I was just too blind to see them.
How do you know she was checking yoyr social media?
BH: 36 WW:33 M: 2 Relationship: 6 years. Dday: Aug 2018 0 1st mention of D: 30/09, 2nd Mention 17/02/2019 LRT: Oct 2018 WW & AP: EA & PA since June 2018 (Moved country and in with AP Feb 2019)
Bin, did she apologize for her past behavior? Was it a MLC? Did she go IC?
She did apologize. She was turning 30 when we separated and stated she needed to find herself so there may have been some sort of life crisis associated with that. She was 21 when we got married so that is a possibility. She went to IC once on her own accord and never went back.
Had to read back on your first post in this thread. It isn't exactly clear if YOU agreed to reconcile?
Are you a couple? Were there any conditions before you made that decision, if it has already been made?
One of the conditions that I would suggest, is that she get IC for her anxiety and depression, because she seems to be avoiding addressing those issues. You might be feeling confused, because you aren't convinced.
If she is truly committed, she shouldn't have a problem putting in the work. I wouldn't let her move in until that gets addressed.
Just my .02 cents.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
So for those on this thread, thank you for your input. As for an update and probably final update. Some things have happened which I'm not going to detail but the reconciliation is over. Unfortunately, the ex has a lifetime of trauma to deal with and my role has shifted from potential reconciliation mate to doing what I can to get the help she needs. It is something that had bled into our marriage and for her has become a crisis. Take care.
