Unfortunately I am back. I posted a few times a few weeks ago. I left this time, went to a hotel and took 119 oxycodone s, I had my gun but I didn't get to use it. I dropped on pill down the sink but all those pills did was make me sick. I came back home and told my Dr. He switched my antianxatiry meds and put me on an anxiety pill if I promised not to take them all in a day. No don't waste your time with a crisis line. I am not I. Crisis, I just don't want to go through this any longer. There is no hope and I couldn't get over the innocence that was lost. It can never be obtained again. So I am going to see a counselor this week. Do that is progress. I guess that I want some tools so that I don't obsess over being replaced. I don't know it that stuff is only real for those wishing go grow and get better. I just wanr large parts of my me to be numb and gone
The first thing you need to do is save yourself. That is going to be a lot of work but believe me it can be done and you will be so much better with your self.
Get back to basics and don't worry about your spouse. Worry about YOU
par4me: I can related to where you are now, I have been there before. Things may seem a particular way right now, but they are distorted by the pain, suffering and the depression. I think you may sense that already. So you MUST take care of yourself. And right now that means you absolutely should seek professional help. This is for you.
The pain and the numbness will be gone, but not in the way you think. Think of where you are right now as having a very major medical condition that can be treated. It requires professional help, but there is a lot of hope. You WILL get out of this place, and you will find joy as much as you don't believe it right now.
Yes innocence may be lost, but loss of innocence may also help you get to another place, a stronger place, a happier place. I know what you mean, I sensed the same thing. But I slowly realized that the same "innocence" was also hampering me. Again it may not seem like what I am saying has a lot of truth, but you may just have to have some faith.
Don't wait, find a good local place that provides urgent therapeutic care and go. They will be able to start helping right now and WILL give you the tools to handle this. In fact its not just about getting past this, it is about getting back to a place of hope and joy.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
The posters have given you excellent advice. The most important person right now is YOU. You need to focus on you and your needs. I am glad that you are going to see a professional. It's going to take a lot of hard work and patience to get to the other side, but you can do it.
Right now, it seems like the world is spinning too fast and the pain/numbness are going to stay...but in time, that will change...but it's going to take time. Many of us contemplated ending things, i.e., thinking that it was the easiest way to stop hurting...but you also have to think about the people who care about you and how they would feel if you left this earth. Contemplating suicide is not the answer...but getting to the other side of the pain and seeing that there is life out there and you can be happy once again is.
Please continue to post.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
You were born for a reason. God knows what you are suffering, He knows everything. And everyone here knows how low we can all sink, how bad the pain is. You are not alone! We all understand!
Lately I have been seeing my pain from MLC as a wound like any other. When I had surgery, the pain after was very bad, but I didn't expect it to go away overnight. I continued to make my dinner and eat it, take care of my kids, walk to the store, etc., with the pain. When I realized that my broken heart is a pain like that, I have been able to keep walking much more confidently the last few weeks. When I feel the waves of pain, I just tell myself, "yes, that's the wound that was already there. It's going to keep hurting. I can keep living even though I have a terrible pain."
You are in intense pain, but that's just the bodily part of you. There is much more to you than that. How do you know that the entire purpose and plan for your life is not going to come out of this moment? You can use your life for great things if you can let go of your feeling that this one person is the meaning of it. She is not. If one of us were standing next to you right now and asked you to do something we needed, I am sure you would put your pain aside for a moment to help. There is always something else, some reason for us to keep walking. You may not know what that is right now, but if nothing else, you can be sure that your children need you and that they need to see you face your troubles with strength so that they can do the same when they have troubles.
I don't know what Job thinks about it, but it sounds like in this moment, you need much more than this forum can offer. We are here for you but you need immediate care in person. Maybe if you can Job your home state, she can look up some better options for you to get some immediate care. I know you can also find nearby providers who take your insurance and may be able to talk to you on line and immediately on amwell.com
I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord with courage. Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
We all been there, I never in my life thought about ending life But on BD I felt that would be better I didn't eat or slept and W kept monstering more and more W even told me go kill myself. Yes my W did say this to me. I literally felt death.
I drove to church and knee in front of God I was not in church for like 2yrs I cried and cried I felt God wrapping hos arm around me. I felt him breathing I felt his presence so close. I knew I had a purpose. I was determined to prove W I have reason to live God was first, then for me and my kids
I swear it won't go away over night but you will ve ok one day at a time Even if your not religious go to divorce groups that saved me.
I know you might feel your going crazy, but your not , is not your fault.
I wish we could give our social media or emails so you can email us for Support. I know you need all the support and we are here.
Where you at so I can see if time zone.
Remember we are here and you are here for a purpose we all have a Purpose.
At BD Lesbian marriage Me39,W36 S9,D9,S8 adopted all three Together almost 10yrs Bomb Drop - April 2017 W movedout - May,2017 OW June,2017 Currently 2018 Me40, W38 S10,D10,S9
Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
Sorry you are here but you will meet some wonderful people here and get some great advice.
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support)
I have read a good deal of books on the subject and can give you some suggestions when you are ready.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
I will give you a bunch of homework assignments to read.
This POST is under reconstruction and we will be working on this as time goes by, this is the most current version.
Now you have all the tools to read. Let us know how your doing and if you have any questions.
I suggest that you read the entire thread in the resources. You can also pick out some people and read their whole story.
Depression is the key to the whole thing and it is always present!
Believe none of what he/she says and 50% of what he/she does.
I would not ask him/her anything unless you can have no expectations. Sometimes asking them questions will be thought of as pressure. You do not want to do anything that can be thought of by your H/W as controlling or pressure.
Lets not worry about him/her. Lets work on you! Start your homework assignments. Something to DO while you are on moderation. GAL. Eat, sleep, exercise and take a deep breath. In general take care of your self first.
Detach the single most important thing to DO.
Your H/W has given you a gift THE GIFT OF TIME use it wisely
Knowledge is Power - Sir Francis Bacon
Me-64, D32,S31
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
