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toenail Offline OP
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matrix...that's what all her real friends me and D13 have been saying all along. if you think about it and i hope WW sees it this way,
"why was your family ruined? because the dog died." shallow?


LBH (43) — WW(41)
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I didn't say you beat her. I meant that you can't beat her, but you still have to take some sort of action.

Your snooping and pursuit (AKA asking her where she's been when you know darn well) showed her that you are still hers, that she hasn't lost anything. A strong man does not worry about a woman who doesn't want him, and you are your WW are back to basic attraction 101 here.

You may have been vindictive, but you got married and both made a promise to forsake all others right? So it's not like you're being vindictive out of the blue. Of course she wants to run free and jump in the OM's bed, but what will you do about it?


H 34
W 29
BD 3/12/18
Divorce Busted Spring 19

It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
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over...you asked me what actions i took after i found them both on my bed. and as i've said started checking her phone and asking her questions. and she considered it as vindictive because even though i forgave her i still have to keep tabs on her. and this happened april. july came and her spill of ILYBINILWY came. and that's when i found out that she was having an A. she said she wants her freedom, so she got it.
Two weeks ago, i said my peace about no contact and not being friends. She's been hounding me for a month about my work schedule so she can come and go as she pleases. D13 doesn't want her home, legally i can't kick her out because the house is both under our names. WW is only staying at night for selfish reasons, so she can't be blamed, god forbid, on whatever happens to D13.


LBH (43) — WW(41)
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i've let her go. she hasn't been home for almost a week now. me and D13 doesn't care anymore. D13 now accepts the fact that she is not her mother that she once knew. don't know where she is, don't care where she's staying.


LBH (43) — WW(41)
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Well that's all good. Keep working on yourself, for yourself and your daughter.


H 34
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BD 3/12/18
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It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
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thanks for the encouragement ovrr

Last edited by toenail; 09/13/18 08:05 PM. Reason: ovrr

LBH (43) — WW(41)
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Hey T, your W is also D’s mother no matter her behavior. Remember that. You must be the lighthouse for your family. Your W is lost into the fog but it is a problem between both of you adult people. Don’t mix your D into your sitch. She is a child, she has to do all the teenager activities she uses to do. Don’t use D to bash her mother. I read she is going to IC, that’s good.

You are the responsible parent, you are the lighthouse.

Keep DB.


WW H(me): 53
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T: 27 M: 22
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Toenail, she really went off the rails. I mean laying down with OM in the marital bed when she surely knew you would be home soon, and with D just feet away, well it all just sounds like a "girls gone wild" situation. She knew EXACTLY what she was doing- playing with fire. And of course she's going to tell you it's all your fault. Don't buy into the BS. She's a classic wayward wife. If you don't know the difference between a WW and WAW then read around the forums, Sandi's posts in particular. Sandi does not pull any punches when it comes to WW's, she'll tell you tough love is the only approach with a WW.

Originally Posted by toenail
i've let her go. she hasn't been home for almost a week now. me and D13 doesn't care anymore. D13 now accepts the fact that she is not her mother that she once knew. don't know where she is, don't care where she's staying.


This is actually the best thing you can do right now. Leave her to the mess she's made. Her little fantasy is going to blow up in her face at some point and she'll likely come crawling back, but it could be a long time from now. But until then, just concentrate on you and D. Read DR and read the links Cadet posted for how to handle this. No begging/ pleading/ negotiating. Give her time and space.


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
neffer #2812392 09/13/18 09:02 PM
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thanks nef. hate to admit it but D13 has been involved since WW asked her to lie for her. one example is when
WW decides to hangout with POS, she asks D13 not to tell me anything. so now, D13 is so angry with what WW is doing that she really feels bad for lying to me. WW thought D13 is innocent but D13 has seen , heard, and read things about WW's waywardness. i think IC helps D13 to share how she feels about what WW is doing right now. I can not control or tell D13 how to feel about it. she's in that age wherein she has to express her own feelings. and at the same time i cannot ask D13 to communicate with WW, if she doesn't want to, i cannot force her. WW has a lot of crawling to do just to have a small piece of D13'a heart. WW can keep on saying she loves her D and i can keep on reminding D that WW still loves her but at the end of the day, if WW can't even text D to at least say "HI" then there is nothing
i can do about it. I cannot be a doormat for WW to D13's heart.vindictive?

AS, i don't why i decided to come home early that day. usually come home at 6am. anyways, it has happened and I forgave WW then but with conditions. but being the "nice husband" i was, i still let her continue the friendship with POS. POS is also in a 13 yr relationship with someone and they're trying to have a kid. Hence WW and POS are totally leeching, preying on each other weaknesses. Which me and D13 really find it funny and sad for the both of them.

She wants her freedom, i really hope she's happy. Just thinking that they're both looking back on they're
own shoulders thinking who would be the first one to cheat. HAH!

Last edited by toenail; 09/13/18 09:03 PM. Reason: D13

LBH (43) — WW(41)
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M(16) — T(22)

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update...
had to work tonight. asked D13 if she wants me leave her with friends, she said no, she'll be fine. not an hour later she got a text message from WW, this was after more than a month of not talking to her, letting D13 know that she'll be home late, and worded it in a nice way. WW was probably shook after she met with D13's IC. WW was probably made aware of how D13 told IC about the hitting incident.
Anyway, after asking D13 to reply, even just a simple "OK", she chose not to. And did not force her to.


LBH (43) — WW(41)
D(14)

M(16) — T(22)

BD-ILYBIANILWY (JULY 1,2018)
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