Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Why15, I'm sorry that you're going through all of this, you are incredibly strong. I'm glad you found this site, there are so many helpful caring people here. Some will give you some tough love and don't take it personally, they're just trying to help you. I know this from experience.
I'm following your story too, I hope things start to turn for you soon.
Together for 13 years, married for 8. H is 46 I'm 40 S is 6 Bombdrop in April 2018 Still in limbo as of 2019
Why15, I'm reading the Divorce Remedy as well right now. I keep dozing off reading due to getting used to a new hectic first week of school schedule with the little one in kindergarten now...lol! I believe I have I Love You But I'm Not In Love With You as well in my list to read. The worst part for me is patience and letting go to let it all happen, how are you holding up? I'll bet your daughter is a big support for you.
Together for 13 years, married for 8. H is 46 I'm 40 S is 6 Bombdrop in April 2018 Still in limbo as of 2019
I made a list of things I have done so far in this mess that have made things worse and pushed my H further away and next to those things I have listed the things I will be doing going forward.. things that will help me, and things that I can do to bring peace and some calm to this .
up til now I have 180 going forward 1. Been sad ---- 1. Get happy. stop thinking about the neg.
2. Thinking about what he is doing ----- 2.Focus on myself
3.I 've been angry ---- 3. let the past go, anger is only hurting me
4. texting him constantly ---- 4. Do not initiate contact , let him contact him
5. Talking too much ---- 5. keep communication short,simple
6. talking about our relationship /situation at nauseam ----- 6. no relationship talk
7.telling him how I feel, that I do not want a divorce, 7. keep my feelings to myself . let him that I love him , that I miss him --- wonder what im thinking
8. making assumptions about how he feels/what 8. unless he tells me how he thinks/feels he thinks and telling him my thoughts ----- stop assuming
Why15, I'm reading the Divorce Remedy as well right now. I keep dozing off reading due to getting used to a new hectic first week of school schedule with the little one in kindergarten now...lol! I believe I have I Love You But I'm Not In Love With You as well in my list to read. The worst part for me is patience and letting go to let it all happen, how are you holding up? I'll bet your daughter is a big support for you.
Jlh, I am holding up ok.. staying busy this weekend and focusing on me... reading , a movie with a friend, wine tasting tomorrow with a social group... I understand the patience and letting go thing.. my H is basically living a life with OW as if we are completely divorced.. the mess he has created is beyond crazy and bizarre..it really is as if he has his own set of rules, like he just snapped his fingers and I am disposed of.. put away and as long as he pays the bills everything is ok.. under normal circumstances if a spouse was so unhappy in their marriage they would go talk to an attorney and get things lined up , pack their bags and get a place of their own and get the divorce over with.. instead my H was home, didn't say a word about how miserable he was, did not say to me that if things did not change he was going to leave.. he just went out , found OW, was with her for 2 months when I get a phone call exposing it all, I asked him to stop seeing her, he refused, he moved in with her and they are living like a married couple...if I bring up divorce he gets angry and shuts down.. it is total insanity..
Our daughter is hurting so much in all this.. she misses her dad so much, they were so close.. and now he is playing daddy to OWs 7 year old son.. H has nothing to do with our daughter , its like we have both been erased from his life and we do not exist.
My sense of humor My Creativity My work ethic My kindness My sensitivity I am dependable I am trustworthy I am compassionate I am loving I am respectful
I have spent a wonderful day meeting new people. I joined a women's social group and today was the first event at a local winery. It felt good to just sit and relax and talk about things other than my crazy life. I never once looked at my phone to see if H had tried to contact me ( that is a huge accomplishment for me ) I came away from the event with 5 new friends and phone numbers and plans for next weekend.. I am proud of myself for getting outside my comfort zone ( I am very shy )… I am getting a life and starting to have fun..
Its been 2 weeks since I have heard from my H, I have to be honest, I do feel that he is finally done with me as this is the longest we have gone without communication since BD. .although it has been mostly me reaching out to him , I feel that now I have backed away he will disappear from m y life completely now..
He has not had any communication with our adult daughter for over 6 months now ( his choice ) But on Thursday he sent her a text out of the blue and told her his aunts husband dies and he was leaving town to attend the funeral . Our daughter didn't know what to think or say..we both have no idea why he did this.. he is ignoring me and not making any attempt to contact me so why reach out to her now after all these months ? it makes no sense .. he was not close to his aunts husband , and our daughter never met him.. our daughter feels he didn't take OW with him to the funeral , which if he didn't take her that would be really big.. as he has not gone anywhere without her since they met and they have been together now for 3.5 years … I don't know what to think of all this...
