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Just starting! Need some emotional support!

Was told to start new thread. I think this is how you do it?

Man, I'm having physical & emotional withdrawal from W. Didn't sleep a wink last night. Going on trip with family tomorrow. I love them. D loves staying in hotels and we get to visit a college for son.

W has switched from constant social media to phone games. Been so busy with home duties I've been crashing early for bed. So has W. We haven't watched TV, I haven't done any GAL or man cave stuff. Just dinner, shower and bed for the both of us.

Last edited by job; 09/07/18 09:00 PM. Reason: added link to previous thread

Me 45
W 40
Step Son16 D 3 1/2
M 7 yrs Sept 1st yrs together 10
Living together
06/18/18 ILYBNILWY
8/21/18 W looking for housing.
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Phone games. ARGH

Almost all of those games has messaging capabilities. That is what my W switched to, early in our sitch, to hide her messages with potential OM#2. The last time I demanded her to hand over her phone (which was bad and almost cost me all of my DBing efforts) I went to a Yahtzee game she had been playing a lot, found her messages, and potential OM2 and his filthy mouth.

So don't think online games are any better than social media. They are SM in disguise.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
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Stryk2 Offline OP
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Steve,

Maybe so. I think the messaging is being done on facebook messanger and WhatsApp with people she knows. That's what it was before anyways. She has stopped using snapchat from what I've noticed. Not to say she isn't using games to chat.

She isn't going to any effort to hide playing games. Leaves the app on, doesnt hide screen and doesnt type. Again from what I've noticed. The other chat apps, there was a very noticeable effort to hide her screen and shut off the phone when I was around.

I dont think or even care at this point. If she is chatting with dudes it could be at work for all I know and she's concealing it better.

We have very little to say to each other besides small talk about kids. I go through waves of anxiety, emotional withdrawal and physical withdrawals. Worry about life after separation without D. Rollercoaster has me so tired. I dont let her see the emotions I'm feeling. I'm happy as a clam when D is home.


Me 45
W 40
Step Son16 D 3 1/2
M 7 yrs Sept 1st yrs together 10
Living together
06/18/18 ILYBNILWY
8/21/18 W looking for housing.
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 125
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Stryk2 Offline OP
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I haven't brought up her phone activity, texting or anything. Recieving late night texts and chat app messages has stopped. I can still hear the news alerts and email alerts that I get so her phone silent.

Just some observations. Doesnt mean things are better or going to get better by any means. I expect the next step to separating at the end of October.


Me 45
W 40
Step Son16 D 3 1/2
M 7 yrs Sept 1st yrs together 10
Living together
06/18/18 ILYBNILWY
8/21/18 W looking for housing.
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 2,045
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Originally Posted by Stryk2
Was told to start new thread. I think this is how you do it?

Man, I'm having physical & emotional withdrawal from W. Didn't sleep a wink last night. Going on trip with family tomorrow. I love them. D loves staying in hotels and we get to visit a college for son.

W has switched from constant social media to phone games. Been so busy with home duties I've been crashing early for bed. So has W. We haven't watched TV, I haven't done any GAL or man cave stuff. Just dinner, shower and bed for the both of us.


I know it seems counterintuitive. But I’m guessing you would feel more rested if you were actually trying to GAL. You can keep doing as you are, but are you feeling better? Healthier? So why NOT try something different?

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In the Divorce Remedy, MWD talks about how when we address the texts and comms our spouses are getting from the OM/OW, that they just take the comms deeper. Don't press it too hard. You don't want to be snooping a lot, for your own sake, but if you do, she'll just switch to Snapchat and you'll have a harder time keeping up with it.

Change the focus back on yourself. Do what you need to do for you. Do it for your marriage.


H 34
W 29
BD 3/12/18
Divorce Busted Spring 19

It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
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So before we left for the weekend, we were getting packed and i almost bumped into my W in the closet. I stuck my arm out and caught her hip. She turned towards me which surprised me. We kissed for a quick second and kept on with packing.

The weekend went great. W took photos and posted them on social media. She hasn't included me in photos on her social media in ages. Later, coaches commented on liking the fact our son was coming from a stable home with both parents. That his social media showed a good family unit and support system. That is something they look at so their players can focus on sports and academics. Of course talent is huge but they don't have to worry the player will have to leave for family problems, get home sick, or have relationship problems while at their college.

Our Son went with some players to hang out and talk so we hung out together with D at the college. We talked about the college, laughed, and did some walking around ourselves. We hooked back with son and went back with the team coaches and mingled. Coaches were mostly talking to me thinking I was the decision maker and check writer. W was really playing the game and putting on a show of a loving wife and mother. Leaning against me, holding my elbow, and asking my opinion about things.

Before coming home from the trip, I got the car loaded and ready to go. Got D dressed and fed. W used to complain that she was always having to get everyone ready even me. During the drive home, our S talks about college as if his mom and I will still be together. He knows there are serious problems and knows his mom wants a separation. He is in denial and talks about us as if we will still be together.

Got everything out of the car and D was asleep. I was in the kitchen unpacking the ice chest and W walks in to discuss the college and other colleges in the coming weeks. Then I made the mistake that I think I read on all the threads. I went in for a hug and kiss and she turned her head and denied the kiss. I didn't react and just kept on with what I was doing and talking about.

I went and did the yard since I plan on GAL tomorrow and Tuesday. I took a shower and sat down with D before she went to bed. W was doing laundry and I heard the front door open. Our son had bought a hat for the coach I had concerns my wife was having feelings for. My son had walked outside to give the hat to his coach who was parked outside. W Sat down and son walked back inside. A few minutes later she gets a text and turns to look where the hat was. She looks at me and says (coaches name) said thanks for the hat and he will pay for it if we want. She knew, I knew who it was. She hasn't said a thing to me since and went to bed without a word while I was on computer.

Friday she will be going with S on a visit that is too far for D to go on with flight and all. I'll be solo cholo dad this weekend. Thinking of taking D somewhere cool. Maybe the beach! Kind of excited really.


Me 45
W 40
Step Son16 D 3 1/2
M 7 yrs Sept 1st yrs together 10
Living together
06/18/18 ILYBNILWY
8/21/18 W looking for housing.
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 125
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Stryk2 Offline OP
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W seems to be colder than usual. Feels like an elephant in the room of ignoring each other when alone. Weird feeling.


Me 45
W 40
Step Son16 D 3 1/2
M 7 yrs Sept 1st yrs together 10
Living together
06/18/18 ILYBNILWY
8/21/18 W looking for housing.
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,822
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Stop cohabiting rooms with her then. How is your GAL going?


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Joined: Aug 2018
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It's not as if we are sitting in the same room. Mornings getting ready for work in the bedroom and bathroom. Cooking dinner, she has been trying to help me cook lately. Cleaning up after dinner after the rest of the family has gone off to watch TV or play video games.


Me 45
W 40
Step Son16 D 3 1/2
M 7 yrs Sept 1st yrs together 10
Living together
06/18/18 ILYBNILWY
8/21/18 W looking for housing.
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