My story

[neffer]

Hi M. Rewriting the past and new freedom feelings are a classic. I did that when visiting the dark side. It seems you had a good meeting. Now you must stick to DB. It’s imperative. You need to detach and GO DARK. Read the post about it. Keep GAL and continue posting.

You have the strength to go through this. Sometimes it’s hard to see but DB is about you, it’s the only factor that you have control over. You must grow as a person and change into a Manta 2.0. So keep DB and become amoafwl.

You can do it M.

[Manta]

Thanks guys. I feel down. She doesn't seem to give a s%^t now. This guy doesn't even live in the same country. She's rewriting our history now. Seems she was never happy with me and we always had fights.....that's not true.

She loves her new life, work, living independently with her girl friend, shes happy now!

I did my best today, didnt cry beg, made it clear that i wanted to work on our marriage, bit couldn't as long as she was having an affair.

[Manta]

How long before you saw the light neffer? What happened

[Davide]

All of those feelings are completely normal. It doesn't make sense and it likely never will. WWs are irrational.

What you need to do is get out and do something. Go to the gym, meet up with male friends, go to the cinema. Don't just sit and wallow in your home. You will feel much better just being active. I have found that to be so true and so helpful in my sitch.

“The common conception is that motivation leads to action, but the reverse is true — action precedes motivation. You have to ”prime the pump” and get the juice flowing, which motivates you to work on your goals. Getting momentum going is the most difficult part of the job, and often taking the first step is enough to prompt you to make the best of your day.” – Robert J. McKain

[neffer]

Go read my sitch M. I understand you are upset about your reality M. But it is yours. Just don’t asume your W’s world is an unicorn valley with chocolate roses. I was a WW some time ago. WWs world is a foggy one, with feelings of freedom, love, a shiny future around the corner. It’s related with some chemical processes and you get into a distorted reality. But true reality goes after WWs and sometimes it chases us. Mine was extremely effective when putting my head on the pillow.

What I mean is that’s ok you feel what you feel. But you need to change that to help yourself. Focus your energy on getting into a new version of Manta. You’ll end wondering whether you want to countinue your M with your W.

Keep DB, stop mind reading and remember it’s a marathon.

Have a nice weekend man, do some GAL

[Manta]

Thanks Neffer, she said after counselling thay maybe ill realise we weren't meant or best for eachother... seems so sure of herself, very different to 3 weeks ago. But i know she spent time with AP last few days.

[Manta]

Doing my best this week. Sleeping is all over the place. Moving out of current apartment in 6 weeks. No point living in a 4 bedroom on my own. It isnt healthy.

Have IC this week. Trying to GAL and still NC and detaching. Praying and trying to keep calm. It's very tough, as even my W said i did nothing wrong and she had sad so many times why she couldn't be happy with the wonderful husband she had.

Seems she's brainwashed now and in full limerence. Our 2nd year anniversary is next week.

[neffer]

Be strong M, keep DBing. Don´t feed her monkeys. Detach and GAL.

[Manta]

Thanks Neffer. Doing my best. It seems like a very bad dream. She's all happy and free, not angry anymore and falling in love with AP who lives in a different country. I'm picking up the pieces, like AP ex.

This time last year she wanted kids and we were saving our money to buy a home.

Not contacting her family anymore. Following sandi's rules. Lost a lot of weight. Appetite isn't too good.
Find myself having a lot of ups and downs. I was very hurt when she said she didn't miss me.

[Davide]

Manta,

It's normal to be hurting in a situation like this. It is good you are going to talk with an IC.

What are you doing to GAL? Read Steve's thread about that. It is really important in order to get out of your head.

Hang in there.