Gordie 21 going with my gut

[Gordie]

Neffer thank you for the encouragement

One art yes yes yes thank you for the reminders

Those hellish things really happened

And this is just minor stuff

But I guess I too get d b fatigue

But reminds me all the clothes purchased by OM are gone




So I told boss what was going on a year ago

When I was missing work for divorce reasons

I had not updated him and he asked me

I said

There is a long story but let me just give you the facts

Affair is over

Divorce is dropped

I hope we can rebuild

But a lot of damage has been done

It is complicated

He wished me well

[Gerda]

Oh yes, DB fatigue. I've got it bad. It's just funny because you are at a place so many of us long to be in but you seem more fatigued than when you were more in hell! But I guess that's how it works.

Here's something about speaking life and not death over your M from a blog called Grace, Love, Life.

It's like if half a couple says: "We are not married, we are separated." But the other spouse says: "But we ARE STILL married." Different language is used, offering a different perspective or 'truth'. Instead of continuously repeating: 'We are separated.' I say; 'We are on the path of restoration.' OR 'I am still married!'

Here is an example {pretend} scenario:My husband comes to get the kids for his time. I smile, and am friendly. He gives a slight smile and happens to tell me he got paid and made a deposit into our joint bank account. They leave quickly.

I CAN FOCUS ON the fact that he did not invite me along.

I can go to my sad place and cry out to God in despair that my husband is still not home...when will he be home? Maybe never. Probably NEVER! Our kids need more than a part-time, dead-beat dad!
He smiled so arrogantly just cause he works and got some $$$! He's probably going to take them out to eat--must be nice not ever having to cook a real meal and clean it up! He'll probably give an excessive tip just to show off.
Look how he just rushed out cause he can't even stand me.
I can't wait anymore, he is NEVER coming home! I'm filing for divorce myself 1st thing tomorrow!!!!
He is such a ________!
How could I have EVER married him.
What a mistake!
WHY is this happening TO me!?!
God you are not even helping me! I guess I heard You wrong and You are not going to ever restore my marriage!?
OR I CAN FOCUS ON THIS:

I was friendly, pleasant and smiled at my husband.
I noticed he smiled back and I was reminded of how much I love his smile.
His body language was relaxed and open, his face was light when he told me about his paycheck.
Praise the Lord, my husband was open and honest about his income.
Praise the Lord he still desires to provide for us and wanted me to know that. Six months ago he had no income.
Thank You Lord for providing through my husband. I am so glad he is involved in our children's lives. Our children really need their father and he is important to them. Their relationship is very important.
Thank You God for turning the father's heart toward his children and our children's heart toward their father.
Thank You God that this exchange went peacefully and stress free.
Thank You God for moving in my husband's heart. I know You are working.
Thank You that he is prompt and respects other people's time.
Thank you that he values every minute with our children and will probably treat them to dinner and feed them well. They will enjoy that. I know he likes to leave big tips and bless the wait-staff.
Thank you for his generous spirit. Lord, bless MY husband.
Lord, I want to thank You in advance for the restoration of my marriage.
You are a good God.
The first scenario is focused on DEATH and speaks it. The second scenario is focused on LIFE and speaks it. It's NOT living in denial. It's not 'not' facing reality. It's following God's word and focusing on what is good and positive. It is blessing and not cursing. THAT is speaking LIFE.

[Gordie]

Gerda

Thank you

I needed that

I got really bad d b fatigue a year ago

Needed to take a break

They say this is a marathon

But in a marathon you know there are certain miles where you feel the fatigue

You expect it and train for it

The MLC marathon is trickier

Duration unknown

Destination unknown

So okay to get fatigued some times

Acknowledge

Reset and refuel

Press on

[sjohns6]

Thank you, Gerda. I needed that too!!

[Gordie]

So it was a weird week

A lot of the cold shoulder

I did not ask why

Did my best to just keep moving forward

And so Friday rolls around

W asks me to go out on a date

I treat it like one of those early dates with a new girl

Be upbeat and positive and make her laugh

Avoid any controversial topics

Listen and ask questions and try to get to know her better

Be a gentleman

Open doors

Gaze into each other s eyes

Let the drinks flow freely

Drive her home

She says she drank too much with a laugh

And really enjoyed the evening

Said goodnight with a hug and a small kiss

One day at a time

[ovrrnbw]

Hi Gordie,

just wanted to stop in and say I love your posting style. Clear and concise.

One similarity I've noticed between your sitch and mine is that we communicate differently than our W's. It's important to be aware of b/c what you mean may not be what was heard.

I don't think we are supposed to link other sites, but this guy has had MWD on his show twice, it can be found on Spotify. Their discussions were great to listen to. His name is Neil Sattin if you want to listed to his convos with MWD or look up his communication guide.

It's always nice to hear MWD, that lady has her stuff together.

[roist]

Gordie. I just wanted to congratulate you on the date. Not because it is a sign of your situation turning/improving (though it is memories like that which can lead to that. No I commend you for being able to put your best shoe forward after a week of low quality interactions.

You could easily of been spiteful and either rejected the offer in a non DB manner or you could have harboured negative thoughts throughout the night which would have impacted ye both negatively.

So fair dues to you. That shows character.

I will add though that you don't have to accept any date offers if you don't want to.


I may not be around much for another while, but I will be thinking of you. Best wishes

[Gordie]

Over and roist

Thanks for the continued encouragement

The resentment is sometimes there

And there are triggers for it

But I tend to resolve it within myself

And do not express it



So another milestone

Better late than never

I asked my doc for an STD test

First time for everything

[DnJ]

Gordie - oh boy. The asking doc for an std test. I sure remember that. An other milestone - true. I sense some humor from you. Good thing! It is aggravating, I know. Humor helps.

I do hope the tests are all negative.

You are doing really good. Keep moving forward.

[HaWho]

I think you're doing a really nice job of straddling that fine line between trying to keep some connection to the m and focusing on you.


And yes, ignore her moods and any antics. Make sure you do a few things each day that bring you joy.

Keep up the good work.