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Originally Posted by blakmac
I ran out and got him his other bday gift...a guitar and amp. wink

We had a great time playing music together this weekend. Even though he's turning 4 and doesn't know how to play...it was still a lot of fun.



Music is magic blakmac. I play bass guitar and my son plays guitar. We share that energy and use the music as a bonding tool.

Keep walking man! You are doing fine!


WW H(me): 53
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T: 27 M: 22
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You handled that little "meeting to talk" just perfectly. Do not jump at her bait. She accuses you of the very things she is guilty of doing. She wants to control and manipulate you. She wants the convenience of having you closer, so you can pick up the slack...….like, taking care of your son, running errands, taking care of the house, cooking, etc. She's seeing how being a single mom isn't quite like she thought ir would be...….so she has been buttering you up for this little talk.

Stick to your guns and do not agree to live with her in any type of "in-house separation",.....which is the epitome of cake eating for a WW. If she's not ready to sleep with you, and she can't agree to your terms......then she'll have to figure out how to take care of her son. You have a job now! whistle

This is a critical part of this entire situation. I know you want your family back, but if you'll hold out......I think she'll eventually come around. But if you don't stand your ground and you agree to live under the same roof...... I promise she'll put you through hell. She's not ready to give up her single life and her new "friends". Remember these words when she starts to whine about what a hard time she's having and how unreasonable you are being...…"It's just not that simple now". Then if she asks why not, you tell her you won't go back to the previous situation before she left. I mean....why should you? Here's the thing......she didn't use the reconciliation word, did she? No, b/c she isn't serious. She just wants you for a babysitter. She's got a long way to go before she gets serious about moving back for the right reasons. So, don't trust her until she's ready to do the work. She's not there yet.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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Thanks everyone! After the big argument the other day, I figured she'd probably just completely stop talking to me. But then yesterday, she wanted to have lunch with me and S (according to her, S wanted to see me). The funny thing about that is that S was busy coloring a picture the whole time. She was asking how work was, kept smiling when she looked at me, etc. Maybe nothing, maybe her starting to remember stuff, I dunno. Either way, that went well. No talk about the split, the D, or anything else like it at all. She gave me another big hug when I had to go back to work. After work, we met up so I could pick up S so he could spend the night with me. Then she texted again later to find out if bedtime went smoothly.

So. Much. Confusion. BUT...I keep standing my ground. The funny thing is that in the beginning, that didn't seem to do anything but make her run away. But now, it's almost like she gets frustrated, stomps her feet a lot less, but then chills out after a while and continues trying to be nice.

It's so weird.

What I know for sure is that whatever is going on seems to be going in a much better direction than it was before. I'm just going to keep going forward and focusing on work, S, and GAL.

We have 19 days to set a court date, otherwise the D will be dismissed. That's only 15 business days.

I'm not going to worry about setting a date...honestly, if they dismiss it, if she decides to go through with it she'll have to re-file. Or I'd have to re-file. But the way things are going, I know she can't really afford the extra for mediation, etc. And if it's dismissed, she won't be able to say she doesn't make enough to cover court fees. So if I had to, I could file, but I am still holding out in the back of my mind and just staying on task with DB and hoping to see what happens.

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W came to pick up S after her shift at work. She messaged me a few minutes before she left work, which is at a pizza place, to let me know she was going to be a few more minutes, then would be on the way.

When she showed up, she had clearly put on a clean uniform shirt and her hair was washed.

Maybe she had an easy night. Maybe she got off work early and just told me she was still there.

Detached or not, I don't like being lied to. And maybe she didn't lie. I don't know. But I really get the feeling she did.

I don't know. My mind is going pretty crazy right now, and there's not a lot of GAL options this late at night when I have to work at 8 am.

I am trying not to care. But I feel like I was likely lied to again, and that she actually got off work earlier than she said, then went to see someone. But of course, there's no telling. I don't know.

I think what makes this difficult is wanting to say something, but restraining yourself. Even though the entire sitch is going way better than it was, honestly it still hurts a lot.

I definitely can't stand the mixed signals, and the idea that she's still probably out doing things with other people. I know, I know, I just need to work harder at detaching. I was doing great, the last few minutes were rough though. She definitely was nice, but very obviously in a mood that doesn't mesh with how she usually is when she gets off of work.

Ugh.

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And then she texted me about something. We had a decent conversation about S starting school tomorrow. She invited me to come along to drop him off tomorrow, and then she invited me to come see her competing in an event where she works. I noticed that once in a while, she throws in little jabs at me for making her feel bad earlier on before I started DBing hardcore. I don't dodge them. Even if I disagree, she feels how she feels, and I should have not said some of the things to her (and others) that I did, so I apologized for them. Of course, I did so without begging. Just own it and then let her know that I understand what she's saying. I feel like the jabs may be tests...but I don't know...so I treat her attempts to pick a fight as thought they are tests. I've gotten way better at just keeping my mouth shut and keeping it all simple. That seems to be working well for me. Honestly, I don't know what to think. But I do like the extra attention she's been giving me...even though I'm still not chasing her.

It's almost going so well that it scares me. I don't want to get too bogged down with thinking about this stuff. I don't doubt she's cake eating, but I also can tell that this stuff has shown improvement. Sometimes I catch her looking at me, and then she smiles and says "whaaaaaat?" in a flirty, smiley way. So I kind of feel like something is going right. But then...I know I just have to be patient and keep going.

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How late was she collecting son? Just a few minutes? Hours? Forget that you think her uniform was fresh and her hair washed.

What were the little jabs she threw into the conversation? You haven’t described what happened, I can only see the school thing (def go!) and an event she’s competing at (up to you if you want to go, have you been to many things she wanted you to go to and showed an interest in the past? If this was a problem go or just pop by as this could be a 180, but if this is something you have always been to and S not involved I might be inclined to say you are busy).

Sounds like some positives, keep going, be patient, little steps.


M: 17 T:17 Me:42 H:48
BD 23/12/2017 H says ‘I don’t want to be married’
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She wasn't really late, just telling me she was almost done at work. Turns out she actually cleaned up before the shift and didn't work too hard that night. So I was just freaking out for no real reason that time.

I did go to S's first day, and it went pretty well. I didn't go to the competition because I was at work. I work for the company that owns the company where she works, so it's plausible that I could have gone, and even though I thought really hard about going, I decided that I'd just stay at work and keep hacking away at a project I'm working on. It's turning out better, anyway. laugh

An example of jabs: today I picked S up from school because she said she needed to work a few hours. Bonus time with S is good. laugh We had a great time! She came to pick him up, and she went to the neighbor's house to get a box of S's toys that he had left there, and she asked if I would carry it. I did help, because S was there. So I got them into her car, and they left. She called me about 5 minutes later saying she wanted to leave the toys at my house because she was afraid that there may be bugs in them, and she didn't want bugs at her apartment. I suggested that she keep them in her car overnight. She said "can I just leave them downstairs at your place?" Then she said that S was freaking out because he wanted to take them home with him. She showed up at my place, S was having a meltdown, and I got the toys and told him I would clean them up for him and keep them safe, and he could play with them this weekend. He said he wanted to stay with me. Said = screamed. Here's where the jab comes: she got out of the car, said "THIS is the reason I didn't want to get these effing toys, which you said you would pick up this week." I said "I was going to after S was picked up, I've been busy doing stuff all week" (I have been super, super busy). She said "you should have done this sooner. Now he wants to stay with you. Can YOU tell him why he can't?"

I talked to S. I told him that I wish he could, but he has school in the morning, and I have to be up early for work, but that I loved him and would see him this weekend. She said "thank you for telling him." I picked up the box, told her to have a good night, and she left.

On one hand, it's nice that MOST of the time we've talked lately, it's been pretty calm. She's actually been quite nice lately. Except that every few days she tries to remind me that she is mad at me. I've become a lot better at just not responding, or saying "I'm sorry you feel that way" and just leaving it at that. On the other hand, she seems to be trying to do cake eating...a la Mitch Hedberg's cake addiction joke. I think her wild streak has kind of slowed down, but I don't know. I only assume that because she seems to want to spend more time with S, and she's actually talking to me like a human more often than not. The past few weeks have been a total trip. I still don't know which way this is going.

15 more days until the D case is dismissed. Just waiting to see what's going to happen.

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bm, I would look at this a little differently. These kinds of incidents are actually good things. WAWs/WWs are notorious for thinking that splitting up the MR is the best things since sliced bread. That if they could just get rid of this lunk of a H out of their lives their lives would be all rainbows and unicorns. That the only thing holding them back is this crushing feeling of being stuck in an unhappy marriage with an awful H that has no way or idea how to make them happy.

It usually takes reality to snap them out of it. What I see here, and the reason she reacted so viciously to it, is reality hitting her between the eyes. When S wants his toys, wants them now, and wants to remain with you because that's where they are, the reality is in that this thing isn't going to be as easy as she had hoped. Though she was lashing out at you, she was really lashing out at the reality of a family that is currently split up. A reality she doesn't want to face.

WWs especially want what they want NOW, and they don't want to hear anything that says that the decision they are making or made is wrong in anyway. When reality proves that the decision wasn't the best they sometimes react poorly to that reality.

So don't take any of it personally. I think you handled it well. My only suggestion would be to go back to not being so quick to immediately respond to texts and calls.WWs are also known to be "nice" to get their LBH reattached. When you go NC, and go to being slow or not responding at all, they'll often times turn on the charm to reestablish that control. And they'll even use possible R to reestablish that control. If you read the other sitches here you will see that is an universal dynamic with WW.

The natural reaction for the LBH is to go back to being responsive. Don't be. When she picks up S, and 5 minutes later is calling you....let it go to VM. If she starts texting you shortly after she would be getting home, don't be so quick to respond. Do not stop DBing just because she has been a little nicer recently. Remember, detach when they react to it and detach when they don't!


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bm, I would look at this a little differently. These kinds of incidents are actually good things. WAWs/WWs are notorious for thinking that splitting up the MR is the best things since sliced bread. That if they could just get rid of this lunk of a H out of their lives their lives would be all rainbows and unicorns. That the only thing holding them back is this crushing feeling of being stuck in an unhappy marriage with an awful H that has no way or idea how to make them happy.


That sounds really, really familiar...lol. I understand what you're saying though, and I know that these are good things. I've definitely been slower to answer calls, text, etc. The other day she asked me to call when I went to lunch...I conveniently "forgot" until about 10 minutes till I had to be back so that I wouldn't have to have a long conversation. Later that evening, she texted me and asked if I was busy, I said that I was (because I was, I had friends over), and asked her what was up...she said it wasn't anything important and she'd just talk to me later.

I still have no idea what she wanted to talk about. lol.

I definitely need to get back to being slower to respond, except that I know most of her calls are about S. She does talk a little about other things once in a while, but for the most part she seems to need some valid reason to talk to me, like asking me to pick up S, etc. Honestly, that's fine with me. Sometimes I'd just rather not talk. Not that I don't want to...but I'd just rather not.

So far it seems like things are starting to go better. Still going to keep on DB though.

14 more days until the D case is dismissed.

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Today when W dropped S off with me, she asked if she could come about two hours later tomorrow so she can pick up a few hours extra to cover for one of the dudes she hooked up with. She probably shouldn't have told me it was for his benefit, because I literally could care less if he gets enough sleep for class. ROFL.

I told her I would think about it. But I'm not that interested in doing him (or her) any favors.

The upside would be that I get more S time. Plus, she's probably would be happy to make a little more money.

I dunno. I'm kind of leaning towards "no", but I don't know if I'll stick to that or not.

Anyway, just thought it was funny. Just trying to stay cool in the meantime.

13 more days.

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