That's a tough situation to be in, for sure, kml. I applaud your altruistic thoughts where his children are concerned, but I think I am going to have to agree with Andrew and Ginger on this one and let HIM take the lead in how he wants to handle it. God bless you, lady....you are awesome!
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
I think your concerns are well founded and no doubt come from your many years of experience in healthcare. What you fear happening could very well happen. I can't say whether what I'm about to suggest is right or wrong. I can just tell you what I would do - and I'd do what you are considering. However, here is how I would do it. I would first talk to CMM about this. I would not do it "behind his back" or without his knowledge. If he doesn't want to do it himself, he may still be okay with or even support you contacting them with his knowledge. If he is adamantly against it, I would then not go against his wishes.
If he is supportive or at least not against it, then I'd move forward, but here is how I would do it. I would use your position and background as a physician as part of what you do. Certainly you need to be clear that you are NOT HIS TREATING PHYSICIAN. Certainly don't try to falsify that piece. However, as you well know, people tend to listen differently and often respond differently when the person talking has "Dr." in their name. I can say the exact same things you might say, but you are going to be taken more seriously and with much greater weight than I would be as a Paramedic. It's just reality. I think they might be more apt to believe he may only have a few months left because you are a "Doctor".
I would tell them as frankly as you can that all you want to do is let them know what is going on. Tell them that you are very fearful that their father may die within the next couple of months. Tell them you are hoping and praying as well as doing anything you can to prevent that from happening but you know all too well that given what is going on he may not survive. Tell them you simply want them to know how serious this is in the event they would like to speak with or be with him. You then have to let them do what it is they are going to do.
Taking it a few steps further, should they decide not to contact him at this time, and should what you think may happen come to pass, I would reach out one final time when the end is very near and simply tell them, "I just wanted to let you know that it's very likely your dad will die within the next day or two" Again keep the frame of you just want them to be aware, lightly encourage, be open and welcoming but also accept whatever their decision is.
That's how I'd handle it.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
I agree w/Don's posting. If they aren't responding to their father's communications, then you may want to send them one last missive and advise them of the facts and what may happen down the road. If they don't want to communicate w/him, maybe they'll consider touching base w/you along the way. It's never easy to "share" info about someone's health and what very well could happen...but at least they will know that someone cares enough to tell them about their father's health.
Keeping all of you in my thoughts and prayers.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Good advice, but I don't think he would agree to me contacting them - he's stubborn, doesn't want to feel like he's "begging" plus I don't really want to tell him what I'm thinking about the downside estimate of his prognosis right now - I think it's important to have hope (and I do - just tempered by knowledge of how badly it could go).
On another note - I just opened up my email and somehow the button had been toggled so that instead of showing most recent emails first it showed oldest emails first. That meant the first thing I saw were some old emails from my ex from 2006 that I had left on as proof that things weren't always as they were in the divorce. Loving mushy sweet emails just like you might expect from someone still in love with his wife after 24 years together.These emails date from just 1-2 years before the final bomb drop. They creep me out now but it's just proof of how they rewrite history when they go through their crisis.
