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A Message from Michele
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First time posting outside of the "Newcomer" area. #2769662
11/30/17 08:22 AM
11/30/17 08:22 AM
Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 228
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EyeTie Offline OP
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EyeTie  Offline OP
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Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 228
So...It's been a year last September since the divorce hit. My WWW got remarried almost a year to the date of our divorce. I have since moved on, found myself after months of struggling, beat cancer and am more or less happy. My kids are doing great, they are with me a lot, which is good. My current GF and I are doing well and I am learning from past mistakes.

I guess the one question I have is this. For those of you who didn't save your marriage after dealing with a walk-a-way or wayward spouse, do you get treated like the enemy from said ex? My ex will come to my home, hug my girlfriend and then stare daggers at me. She will be the first to point out my faults and the faults of our marriage, but completely gloss over her affairs. We can usually get along long enough for us to have a quick conversation, but anything more escalates quickly, usually with me leaving the situation.

I am really not sure what to do/say, it's almost like she is angry at me because she left. Is this common? Anyone have any advice?


Me: 38
W: 32
S10 D6
T: 10 (02/2004)
M: 7 (12/2007)
Separation 02/2015
OM confirmed 01/2015,
D mentioned 12/2014
D finalized 9/2016
Re: First time posting outside of the "Newcomer" area. [Re: EyeTie] #2770078
12/04/17 07:39 AM
12/04/17 07:39 AM
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,900
Piney Land
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Rick1963 Offline
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Rick1963  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,900
Piney Land
I have heard that they get angry with the LBS once they have a new relationship. I have heat of was reopening court cases years after their divorce. Specially if they broke up with OP. If she is coming to get the kids maybe u can arrange an alternate place for puck up.


M 53
D 20
Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24
Together 26 yrs
Married 16
W Filed for D 7/21/11
Served 9/6/11
D final 8/28/12

“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”

John Wooden





Re: First time posting outside of the "Newcomer" area. [Re: Rick1963] #2770427
12/06/17 03:39 PM
12/06/17 03:39 PM
Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 228
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EyeTie Offline OP
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EyeTie  Offline OP
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Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 228
It's not so much her picking the kids up, it's everything. She seriously left me when I needed her the most, yet she acts like I was the one who left. Like I was the one who broke her heart. It is incredible.


Me: 38
W: 32
S10 D6
T: 10 (02/2004)
M: 7 (12/2007)
Separation 02/2015
OM confirmed 01/2015,
D mentioned 12/2014
D finalized 9/2016
Re: First time posting outside of the "Newcomer" area. [Re: EyeTie] #2770459
12/07/17 01:07 AM
12/07/17 01:07 AM
Joined: Mar 2017
Posts: 253
Somewhere in Europe
B
Btrow Offline
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Btrow  Offline
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Joined: Mar 2017
Posts: 253
Somewhere in Europe
Hi EyeTie

I have no experience in that regard, as my XW is nothing but nice and, I think, want to be friends (I'm having none of that, though).

Has she been like that ever since BD or is it a recent turn? Maybe life after divorce wasn't everything she hoped it would be? And how have you acted towards her since BD?

BTW, just curious, but did you post by mistake in the divorced not done forum, or are you "not done"?


M:46 WXW:40
T:20 M:13
D3,D8,D10
BD:11/12/16
D:12/14/16
OM confirmed 01/20/17
Re: First time posting outside of the "Newcomer" area. [Re: Btrow] #2776461
01/24/18 02:59 AM
01/24/18 02:59 AM
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 1,387
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PigPen Offline
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PigPen  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 1,387
She doesn't hate you ET, she hates herself for having an affair, for leaving you when you needed her most and for all the justifications she told herself that that was acceptable behavior.

When she sees you, you are a mirror for all of that self hate.


M 39 W 36
T5 M3
BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day
Served 9/15
D finalized 6/17
Re: First time posting outside of the "Newcomer" area. [Re: PigPen] #2784143
04/05/18 05:04 AM
04/05/18 05:04 AM
Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 228
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EyeTie Offline OP
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EyeTie  Offline OP
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Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 228
That is actually an awesome perspective. Thank you!


Me: 38
W: 32
S10 D6
T: 10 (02/2004)
M: 7 (12/2007)
Separation 02/2015
OM confirmed 01/2015,
D mentioned 12/2014
D finalized 9/2016
Re: First time posting outside of the "Newcomer" area. [Re: EyeTie] #2799697
07/05/18 02:59 PM
07/05/18 02:59 PM
Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 228
E
EyeTie Offline OP
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EyeTie  Offline OP
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Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 228
Been a while, hope all of you are doing well.

So, like I have heard over and over, when a WAW get's remarried, she completely loses her mind. Mine petitioned the courts to grant her full custody (we were at 50/50), due to her lies and me not being able to afford a lawyer, she won. I now get my kids who were with me usually 60-70% of the time, for every other weekend, from 5pm Friday to 5pm Sunday. Luckily, I was able to retain one of the best divorce lawyers in the state (favor from a friend) and we go back in August to get things switched around.

I think the part that gets me the most, is this is just hurting my children. And the fact that the judge bought her bullcrap is just mind boggling to me. For years, I refused to hate her, I said I had pity for her, that I would never hate her. But this is the second time in 3 1/2 years that she has destroyed my family, so yeah, I can safely say I hate her.


Me: 38
W: 32
S10 D6
T: 10 (02/2004)
M: 7 (12/2007)
Separation 02/2015
OM confirmed 01/2015,
D mentioned 12/2014
D finalized 9/2016
Re: First time posting outside of the "Newcomer" area. [Re: EyeTie] #2802215
07/19/18 06:43 AM
07/19/18 06:43 AM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,844
Right where I need to be
F
Fogg Offline
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Fogg  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,844
Right where I need to be
Damn EyeTie, I'm really sorry to hear that. Its really unfortunate for the kids, I hate when people try to manipulate the situation and use them as ammo against the other parent. My parents did it, I absolutely hated it.

I'm sure this goes without saying but even with all the negative feelings towards her, never bash her in front of the kids. Even if its the truth any negative [censored] talking ends up being taken personal by them. Part of the kid is associated to the parents that created them, so any insult to the parent ends up being internalized at something being wrong with them also. At least that's how I took it, I just didn't realize it until years later.

I hope the court date next month goes well, you deserve to be in there lives as much as possible, good luck!


Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Re: First time posting outside of the "Newcomer" area. [Re: Fogg] #2803798
07/27/18 01:41 AM
07/27/18 01:41 AM
Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 228
E
EyeTie Offline OP
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EyeTie  Offline OP
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Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 228
Thanks Fogg, I keep it light in front of the kids. I have let my son read some of her sworn statements and even he has called her out about it. It's really sad. BUT the funny part is this, in the summer I have them one week on, one week off now. So basically 50/50. Due to her taking vacations and what not, I will have my kids 25 out of 31 days for the month of July. Can't wait for her to explain that to the judge..


Me: 38
W: 32
S10 D6
T: 10 (02/2004)
M: 7 (12/2007)
Separation 02/2015
OM confirmed 01/2015,
D mentioned 12/2014
D finalized 9/2016
Re: First time posting outside of the "Newcomer" area. [Re: EyeTie] #2805540
08/07/18 02:04 PM
08/07/18 02:04 PM
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,298
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JujuB Offline
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JujuB  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,298
Just saw this. Your ex was certainly conflict seeking. And i am not surprised that you ended up having lots of time with the kids. Its just about power and image protecting with many of them. Sadly, for the kids they dont really want to see them.

I am glad you were able to retain a good lawyer. But sorry for all the drama. I hope the judge and her new hubby sees though her.


M: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
WAH in summer
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