At BD Lesbian marriage Me39,W36 S9,D9,S8 adopted all three Together almost 10yrs Bomb Drop - April 2017 W movedout - May,2017 OW June,2017 Currently 2018 Me40, W38 S10,D10,S9
Moving over to MLC side as I really think W is in MLC, I have been strong but I am catching myself I might slide back and I am trying not too.
I must be strong for kids.
At BD Lesbian marriage Me39,W36 S9,D9,S8 adopted all three Together almost 10yrs Bomb Drop - April 2017 W movedout - May,2017 OW June,2017 Currently 2018 Me40, W38 S10,D10,S9
Welcome to the MLC Forum. I'm very sorry you are here, but there are numerous people here walking the same path as you are. Some way ahead, others behind and then there are those right where you are...so feel free to ask questions and post your thoughts here. I am going to post Cadet's Welcome posting here for you to read:
Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
Sorry you are here but you will meet some wonderful people here and get some great advice.
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support)
I have read a good deal of books on the subject and can give you some suggestions when you are ready.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
I will give you a bunch of homework assignments to read.
This POST is under reconstruction and we will be working on this as time goes by, this is the most current version.
Now you have all the tools to read. Let us know how your doing and if you have any questions.
I suggest that you read the entire thread in the resources. You can also pick out some people and read their whole story.
Depression is the key to the whole thing and it is always present!
Believe none of what he/she says and 50% of what he/she does.
I would not ask him/her anything unless you can have no expectations. Sometimes asking them questions will be thought of as pressure. You do not want to do anything that can be thought of by your H/W as controlling or pressure.
Lets not worry about him/her. Lets work on you! Start your homework assignments. Something to DO while you are on moderation. GAL. Eat, sleep, exercise and take a deep breath. In general take care of your self first.
Detach the single most important thing to DO.
Your H/W has given you a gift THE GIFT OF TIME use it wisely
Knowledge is Power - Sir Francis Bacon
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Need guidance - a most fitting title. We all need guidance through these mixed up times. Hopefully you will find some useful suggestions from the compassate people here.
How are you and your three children doing? I hope you are enjoying the weekend.
I do apologize I have not got completely caught up on the last of your threads, so if you had asked something specific in newcomers I have not read it yet.
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
Just venting, as we are all here for same reason we are LBS well I am always here to get help and support from anyone or any group I can get involved for my kids and I. Is about us healing and understanding what happen to once our home and Spouse.
Well sad to say I found a group in social media I won't say the name group but when I went to join they ask couple questions and I honestly answered all the questions. Well I did get a response back and was told your marriage is unconventional and we don't support your marriage and life style and maybe that's why your marriage failed God doesn't approve.
I honestly was saddened and anger I wanted to go off but then I realized we live in a world that some people are just ignorant. I of course wrote back and said.
I understand that's your opinion but when did God gave you a throne for you to try to give me scriptures but to say that my kids and I went through this because God was punishing us.
As I wrote this many tears because it was not about if I was gay or straight I was simply getting support from any group that can keep guiding me. Sad that we live in such a cruel world. Many still read the bible and follows but there the ones to cast stones at you.
At BD Lesbian marriage Me39,W36 S9,D9,S8 adopted all three Together almost 10yrs Bomb Drop - April 2017 W movedout - May,2017 OW June,2017 Currently 2018 Me40, W38 S10,D10,S9
Kids and I are taking it a day at a time, in therapy once a week. Unfortunately s10 will be with W when school starts so s10 won't go to school with d10 and s9 we go to court the following week after school start. Hoping and praying by then the GAL will have recommended for s10 to come home and be with his siblings for good. I been fighting to keep kids together as the system has failed us already kids are all adopted by both W and I and I didn't know siblings could be split up which that's what I am fighting for them not to be separated.
One thing I realized is W is sweet when W needs something or want something but the moment W doesn't get her way the Monster comes out so now I usually just listen and nod my head and stay far away from W.
At BD Lesbian marriage Me39,W36 S9,D9,S8 adopted all three Together almost 10yrs Bomb Drop - April 2017 W movedout - May,2017 OW June,2017 Currently 2018 Me40, W38 S10,D10,S9
Marina, I'm sorry to hear you got that kind of response from a SUPPORT group. As if you aren't going through enough without all that. You will not get that from me!!
I have not caught up on your entire thread, but I have read some of it and will catch up as soon as I can. I wanted to go ahead and send some love now because this is a tough thing to go through and we need all the friends we can get.
I read in your previous thread that you said W has done too much, broken you and the kids. Does that mean that you are beyond the point of reconciliation?
Thank you for kind words, yes is already hard no need to add people judgement especially what W did to us.
Interesting question, can we reconcile, as many of us this rollercoaster ride on emotions is hard. There's days I wish W would fight for us. But also there's days W does more damage being around. Yes I am a lbs that one day I can say nope to much damage to reconcile but there's days I remember the good days W waa caring, motherly, W would do anything for us, me and kids. Example s10 was in ER and W came as I called her to inform s10 was sick. W seen I didn't have a jacket W went to car got one, also when W taken s9 and d10 to eat W brought me back food to eat W stated I got you your favorite. W also was worried I didn't take my medication as I was there all day with s10. But also W monster a couple times when W didn't get her way. It was a interesting 8hrs in ER different personality in W.
So at this moment yes kids and I are emotionally broken as we all got the bd with no warning. But I know with God anything is possible so this is why everyday is a day at a time.
At BD Lesbian marriage Me39,W36 S9,D9,S8 adopted all three Together almost 10yrs Bomb Drop - April 2017 W movedout - May,2017 OW June,2017 Currently 2018 Me40, W38 S10,D10,S9
And find your own center which does not revolve around w
This took me a long time
I am a slow learner
Glad you are fighting for the kids
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Gordie, Thank you, I have read your thread and DnJ and couple more here. In the beginning as all LBS I felt alone then I started following groups some are great and some are cruel and judgmental due to me being a lesbian, honestly is no different then being married with a Man.
Yes I can finally say I have detached from W for awhile No relationship talk or anything if it has nothing to do with Kids. I answer W questions with one word if I can no longer puppy eyes or tears business transaction. Is hard but for now it has to be this way or forever who knows what will happen.
I have my good days and bad days is hard but never show W none of them. I don't even ask about W family as much I want too but I don't.
The ER was the first time we been together that long in a room since BD over a year. It was also interesting I would catch W stare at me when with kids laughing or hugging them I could see the hurt in her eyes. W would not even look at me after BD couldn't have more then a 15min conversation without losing it. This forum has really help me detach the old me would have thought the ER visit was a sign to talk about US now I see that's when W would get angry.
About my kids yes I will fight until my last breath I know at this moment W needs to take care of herself first my Kids needs to be with the parent that is stable I always said if it was reverse I hope W would protect our kids the way I am. I pray one day W would see it.
At BD Lesbian marriage Me39,W36 S9,D9,S8 adopted all three Together almost 10yrs Bomb Drop - April 2017 W movedout - May,2017 OW June,2017 Currently 2018 Me40, W38 S10,D10,S9
