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[cdn2a]

Just my opinion, I've done a bit of reading on narcissism and inherently we all have some of those traits to a degree. There are some narcissist "tests" out there, but really just place you on a curve. Same as co-dependant. I think some of the WW syndrome is based on self centeredness... (My wife scores way up there now IMO, as she puts herself in front of everyone including our kids...)

FYI studies have shown narcissistic traits by population, have increased over time. Perhaps a reflection of society?

With the "let her go" theory, you should let go, she may change and want to come back as a better person, or she might not. However either way your better off...

[jaylove]

There have been signs (see my post a few posts back) that she isn’t really 100% sure, despite me receiving the draft d petition two days ago.
But due to my suspicions that she has NPD, I very much doubt that she will be able to either stop or turn things around due to her never wanting to be wrong.
Once again I’ve woken up at 4am and can’t get back to sleep with my mind racing

[jaylove]

I’m still waiting for my DR book to arrive, as W has filed a draft petition already and is frantically looking for a place to move out to, an i right in assuming I need to be studying the LRT’s?
If so, please could I get some advice?
This week I have conducted my interactions with love and compassion and validated, but my tongue when S has said inflammatory things I don’t agree with.
Any advice or links to threads about LRT would be amazing - thank you.

[jaylove]

My W opened up today and told me that nothing had happened recently to make her want to press ahead with the D but she’s decided that she had too many deep resentments going back years- that I wasn’t present when she had her first baby (I’m a musician and work late nights ) she felt I hadn’t acknowledged that she was a good mum to my two children who she became their step mother, she felt she had been doing the heavy lifting in the last few years (true as I had cancer for the third time) - I validated what she said even though I didn’t agree.
I did ask her to consider separation as an initial move, but she said why, when she was certain that she no longer want to be married to me.

I feel like I’ve got some closure now that she clearly outlined why she has filed the D papers, but of course feel devastated

I’ll be trying to LRT once I receive the DR book this week

[jaylove]

I just can’t get over how brutal my W has become. From theee months ago when she dropped 1000’s on a new double bed and was thinking about buying a new family car to now. She knows I haven’t much money and she’s sitting on an inheritance, spending £100’s in sunglasses, clothes and her solicitor meanwhile I don’t have the money to pay for legal advice and she’s trying to get me to agree to her (very much in her favour) child care proposals
It’s so brutal

[jaylove]

Anyone care to contribute please?

[Cadet]

I’ll be trying to LRT once I receive the DR book this week

Have you read all the homework threads?


Yes these spouses are brutal, they are not the people we think they are and they are playing a totally different game than what you think.

Best to protect yourself.

[jaylove]

Yes I have been following Sandy’s rules, not persuing etc I’ve also lost just under 28lbs in six weeks through a vigorous amount of daily exercise, careful diet and anxiety, making an effort to dress sharp, doing piles of washing, drying and cooking for the family too.
W is going abroad with the kids on the family holiday we booked 3 months ago, so I’ll be left at home on my own.
I’m starting to look into whether I have issues as someone who needs to be co-dependant - as mentioned in my first post I lost my first wife tragically 14 years ago when I was 34, I was left with two boys aged 3 and 5 and when I met my current w it certainly filled a massive void in my life, but I’m starting to realise that I’ve defined myself as a man who needs to be in a relationship to be complete.
I’m going to work on being complete just on my own, somehow. Right now with the W having already filed the divorce petition it has opened up the wounds of the loss of my first wife, so I very much fear being on my own.

[jaylove]

I’ll be trying to LRT once I receive the DR book this week

Have you read all the homework threads?


Yes these spouses are brutal, they are not the people we think they are and they are playing a totally different game than what you think.

Best to protect yourself.

Cadet, or anyone else who can offer advice :
one thing I’m really struggling with in conversations with my W,re validating, is she often says that she feels I’ve offered her no love and support in the last few years. I can see how she may feel that way to some degree, because after my third incidence of cancer two years ago I ended up very depressed and scared and spent almost a year doing very little with myself, not making music and not earning money.
However it’s just not fair or true to say that I offered her no love or support.
She clearly has a lot of resentment about this, saying that after my cancer she did all the heavy lifting.
How can I go about validating this without just saying “I understand how you feel this way”?

Thanks

[jaylove]

So W has been away since Friday on holiday - their villa has been plagued with 100’s of wasps and they can’t go outside. I’ve been speaking to the kids every other day and they seem to be ok. W told my brother that she was upset that I didn’t ask how she was- likewise, in the same conversation she didn’t ask me how I was either!
I’m still confused about how I should be keeping a distance and not engaging with her.