I keep meaning to write and thanks this community for their support, and tell them about my pending divorce, etc.
It's tough to even know if it was really "HOPE" since a lot would need to change for me to want her back.
I told her when we first talked I wanted to go through with the divorce even if we tried to recon, that I "didn't want to be starting that process over again if we dated for a few months and it didn't work out" and that anything we had would be something new, that our marriage was gone.
But, she seemed to be truly accepting responsibility and talking about growing and realizing she'd made a mistake. It was pretty hard to see her pull back again after that. I didn't indicate Saturday that her continued involvement with OM was a hard stop, but I did call Sunday and state clearly that I wasn't comfortable with it. The ball is once again in her court, although the presence on dating sites and her going away with him makes it pretty clear what she has chosen.
She may have meant what she wrote at the time, but it's hard to shake the feeling that I just got played.
Me, H-39, W-33 T11, M3 No children Bomb 10/17 - "Not sure what she wants" Bomb 2 12/17 - forced convo it did not go well. W moved out 3/18 OM Confirmed 4/1 D Final 9/27/18
Hey Reframe! I agree with Orange (and with you), she's just temp-checking. However, she -might- be starting to come out of the fog a little, that was probably a big step for her to apologize and express interest in dating. But like a drug addict, she's not ready to give up OM just yet. You were right to draw a line in the sand and tell her that's not acceptable.
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Emotionally I'm back to obsessing over this, when I thought I was almost over it.
I think you'll find you cycle out of it much faster this time though. And in the near future you won't get drawn back in no matter what she says. And there's the problem, by the time she genuinely wants to reconcile you probably won't care about her anymore. It's just strange how that works out.
I did indeed cycle out of it much more quickly this time. But I had a reminder last night that she still has more of a hold on me than she should have.
I pulled back for a few weeks, and last night she initiated another relationship talk. I took the bait, and felt like I compromised my self respect a bit, asking if she had the energy to work on things when she was clearly indicating that she didn't.
Ironic since I'm not even sure I want her any more.
She is still apparently really good at getting the hooks in. Over the course of the conversation, she was right back to everything being my fault.
It was my fault that we didn't recon a few weeks ago, because I had conditions like her terminating the friendship with OM. Apparently I should have just jumped in.
This is really just more of the same - she always has an excuse why she 'was willing" to work on things, but it's also somehow never a good time.
I am really disappointed in myself for taking the bait, and for allowing the conversation to take a turn toward me pursuing.
Last edited by reframe; 08/01/1807:39 PM.
Me, H-39, W-33 T11, M3 No children Bomb 10/17 - "Not sure what she wants" Bomb 2 12/17 - forced convo it did not go well. W moved out 3/18 OM Confirmed 4/1 D Final 9/27/18
I am having the same problem as you. My WW got rid of the OM (supposedly) and has been staying at home w/ me for 11 days now. So now what?
It's tough to say. I'm just here to say that I'm going through the same garbage and that I'm not perfect on it either. I have literally no clue how to handle this situation anymore.
Now I, like you, am semi obsessing over my sitch and it's driving me nuts b/c it's so screwed up.I feel like I just commiserated here. I wish I had better advice for you, but the pros here will help more than me anyways!
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
So, my divorce should be final in a few days now. The soon to be ex wife just asked me if I wanted to get a bottle of wine and hang out this Friday, since it'll likely be our first day not being married.
I responded that I didn't think it was a cause for celebration, but mostly avoided the question. I'm leaning toward saying no - since it still tends to mess with me emotionally when I spend time with her, and I've seen no evidence of her actually having the kind of growth that would be required for us to have something healthy (despite temp checks).
The offer is still messing with my head a bit though. So thoughts from you guys are welcome.
Me, H-39, W-33 T11, M3 No children Bomb 10/17 - "Not sure what she wants" Bomb 2 12/17 - forced convo it did not go well. W moved out 3/18 OM Confirmed 4/1 D Final 9/27/18
Looks like you are not detached so the answer is no. Why is it messing with your head? Do you think she is having second thoughts? She's not right now. She's just making sure plan B is still on board.
I responded that I didn't think it was a cause for celebration, but mostly avoided the question. I'm leaning toward saying no - since it still tends to mess with me emotionally when I spend time with her, and I've seen no evidence of her actually having the kind of growth that would be required for us to have something healthy (despite temp checks).
You answered yourself man...
Move forward with your life. You deserve better.
(((Reframe)))
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
I would say, thanks, but I am busy that night. (Make sure to make plans so that you ARE busy.) GAL like a madman. You don't have time for her and her wine.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
