You could kick your W out of the MBR since she has desecrated it. You could stop being there for her and answering calls and taking care of things for her. You could GAL and not be so present and accessible. You could quit worrying about some "move out agreement", she obviously isn't afraid to break her word anyways.
Instead you focus on all the wrong things. You're looking for magic. Pay attention to her actions.
When she has remorse, you'll know it. She's sleeping with OM, she is not remorseful.
In other words, wake up.
Sorry to talk harsh about your W.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
We agreed on this initially after bdrop and subsequently after during discussions. But i cant believe a word she says and our kids dont deserve to be cheated out of help for college because of our need to carry 2 expensive households. But it is what it is. I need to let her go!!!!
Just got back from a week long trip with w and 2 boys to watch sons baseball tourny. Overall good week. No r talk and/or pursuing. I just let things happen naturally. We actually got along fairly well. And i made a point to do things on my own and jointly if the sitch called for it. Tough part starts now. She supposedly has a wedding shower tonight for her girlfriend who has halped facilitate the r with om. So needless to say...im not a fan. I also wouldnt be surprised if om was at the shower...but that maybe reaching even for the w. I know her friends family pretty well so maybe they wouldnt go to that extent.
But thats not my worry anymore anyway. Time to get busy on me anf taking care of my kids. Thank you again to everyone who has offered their inpuy. I really appreciate you taking the time to help.
Feeling really greatful. Just wanted everyone to know, especially Sandi2, that im feeling really appreciative for all your support. I finally realize that i need to focus on me and ive been doing that. And as a result, i feel really strong and centered. Meanwhile a buddy sent me a picture of the om who feels the need to post selfies of him at the gym hitting the bag.(i asked my friend not to send me anymore but i wont lie...the guy is a tool. And his comment says it all, "therapeutic". Basically he was feeling it because she was with me far away.
But anyway....one thing i realized for certain, i love my wife. Always have. And i know that we have a long way to go, but im willing to put the work in fully knowing that it may not work out. But sometimes you have to risk something for something you really want...and i really want to hold my wife again!
So thank you all anf especially Sandi2....i hope you realize how impactful your contribution is! I know that you were ww at one point, but you have more than made up for that with all the help yoi have provided. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!!!
Fmly1st, it's so hard to stabilize yourself when this happens. It sounds like you've held on and you're thinking and acting rationally despite the intense emotions that come with infidelity and uncertainty about the future. Your wife hasn't yet left home, she hasn't told her family, she hasn't filled out divorce papers - there's still a lot that has to happen if she wants to leave you for this other man. Even if she starts doing all those things she'll still realize that life after she destroys her family and starts over with the other man isn't the paradise and fantasy life that she expected. At some point along the way there's a high chance she'll come back to you, but it could take a while unless she or the other man suddenly break it off. During all that time you'll be working on becoming a better person, fixing things about yourself, looking even better and more confident, taking care of the kids and house....you're going to be a very attractive option later on. If you still want your wife back after going through that process I hope you'll get her back. It will never be the same but there's always hope.
I knew when i got home that the pressure was going to be too much if i allowed her to get under my skin. Well, i allowed it and then i got on my soap box(chasing) and tried rationalizing with her. Not only did i push her further away, but now i have another imprint in my mind that i feel ill never remove. The talk turned argumentive because she continued to see the om and then she replied to a comment i made about her having relations with the om and she looked at me, smiled, anf licked hef lips. Basically like "i am doing that to him, i love it and you are not going to do a damn thing about it".
I cant telll you how disgusted i am. I feel like changing all the locks on my house. But my lawyef says i cant do that. She then changed her tune because my son got upset anf now she wants to see a councillor. I said, for what? Shes still wont even acknowledge the affair and she wont even look at the proof. Im just tired of the games. I can handle a lot but i cant handle someone so openly disrespectful to me and my kids. And the om is not going anywhere because he works with her. So im really at a crossroad. I know that i just need to focus on me and the kids but this stuff is absolutely crazy. Its like a she is totally possesed!
Just read some of your previous post about letting go, and not letting her and om occupy time in my head. Im going to spend some time watching those videos to help me stay centered and grounded. I guess i never,completely let go. Cause otherwise how could i allow it to affect me that way. Just having a really bad couple of days and i feel for my kids because they are witnessing their mothr go completely off the rails. I pray that she will havr some clarity soon becauase the damage is compounding daily!
i made about her having relations with the om and she looked at me, smiled, anf licked hef lips. Basically like "i am doing that to him, i love it and you are not going to do a damn thing about it".
Here is something you really, really need to think about, a question for you to ponder. Your old W is gone, never to return. This person you see and hear now is who your W has become. Why she's like this you will never know, but she is now. Here is the question: Do you want to be married to someone like that? Too many LBS's cling to their marriage hoping their old spouse will return, but it never happens. You can maybe have a new R with this new person, but sometimes you really have to ask yourself if this new person is even someone you want to be with. If you had never gotten married and were dating this woman, would you want to marry her?
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I feel like changing all the locks on my house. But my lawyef says i cant do that.
Well you can, but what he is saying is legally you can't keep her out of the house. Right? You can change them and she can pitch a fit and call the police and you would have to let her in. But they wouldn't arrest you or anything.
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I can handle a lot but i cant handle someone so openly disrespectful to me and my kids. And the om is not going anywhere because he works with her. So im really at a crossroad. I know that i just need to focus on me and the kids but this stuff is absolutely crazy. Its like a she is totally possesed!
Are you at a crossroad? Or is the way forward pretty obvious to you?
You can�t control anything of what she does F. Respect yourself and do not let her affect you. It is hard but you are giving her the power to upset you. Detach and GAL. Let her go.
Stay strong F!
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
