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Link to previous thread - http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2796668&page=11

Last post on previous thread...

W called and I talked to her for a bit. She talked to the kids for a few minutes. She wanted me to bring the kids up to the bar she works at to see her. Uhhhh, no. Not taking my kids to the bar. She was finally served the divorce papers. Her ability to twist things around amazes me. One of the WW super powers. She claimed that in the divorce papers it said she was a threat to me and the kids and that was why i was asking for sole decision making and majority of parenting time. I looked at the papers and the only remotely close to that is in the section of custody and it just says that it would be in the best interest of the children for me to have custody. She says she can't afford a lawyer and wants me to change it to 50/50 custody. She doesn't understand why I am doing it and thinks I'm doing it because I am mad at her for leaving me. I told her I was doing what I thought was best for the kids. She asked why that would be the best for the kids. I told her that recently she has been making bad decisions and is having a hard time taking care of herself. She claims to be sober and wanted to know what kind of bad decisions she's been making. I told her that going around telling lies about me was not necessarily a very good decision and that is not the kind of example our kids need to see. Then denied ever saying anything dishonest about me. I brought up the night my friend's windshield was busted and she was at the brewery claiming I did it, I beat her, etc. Denied that as well...

I realized the conversation was not going anywhere and told her I needed to go. She wanted to know if she could call again later to say the kids' bedtime prayers with them I told her that would be fine. She also said she wanted the kids sometime this week but did not know her work schedulae and get back to me. Then said she had an appointment in St. Louis one day so that day wouldn't work and that she has been getting hormone shots because her ovaries aren't functioning right. They might have to remove them. She said she wasn't telling me this for pity but that she thought I should know. I validated and told her that I hope things work out for her. She asked how I was doing. I told her that I was fine, but I needed to get off the phone. She said OK and then added that there was a junior dart tournament going on at the bar and there were other kids there, so it would be fine if I took the kids up there. I told her again that I was not going to bring the kids there and that I needed to go and said goodbye...


Me: 38
W:31
Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4
M: 10 years
T:12 years
BD:Jan 3, 2018
W moved out: Apr 13,2018
Filed for D: Jun 2018
D final: Sep 2019

"Surrender to the Flow"...
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Good job MTB, glad you stuck to your guns on not taking the kids to a bar! Not just because of the whole bar thing, but because you are NOT her kid taxi service either. Great job sticking to your guns, and for allowing her access to the kids while not kowtowing to her demands. You handled it all perfectly.


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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mtb1981 Offline OP
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She also said during the call in the previous post that she would call the kids before bedtime to tell them good night. Told them also when she talked to them. She asked when they would be going to bed and I told her 9. She sais she would call between 8 and 9, so I maade sure to have my phone with me during this time.She never called, so we all went to bed. I wake up this morning to 7 missed calls starting at around 9:30 and a text saying ,"So why can't you answer when you knew I was going to call". I am not going to respond to her, although part of me wants to tell her that I was waiting for her to call between 8 and 9 like she said, but she didn't. It would just start a pointless argument and give her the attention she craves. She also needs to understand that I am not her bitchboy that waits around for her to call. If the call was so important to her, she could have made it during the hour timeframe she said she would call...

After talking to her yesterday, I could tell she is still deep in her fantasy. A lot of gaslighting and several of her go to statements to try to trigger me that I didn't fall for. She did steer me in the direction of talking about her accusations and her denial of them, but I caught myself quickly and got back on track. She is still implementing a lot of tactics to try to keep me attached, I assume it will be another week or so before I hear from her again. I've picked up on the pattern. She pokes her head in and makes contact. I assume to see how I will respond and if she still has any control. Then she will ghost me for a week or two before doing the same thing again...


Me: 38
W:31
Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4
M: 10 years
T:12 years
BD:Jan 3, 2018
W moved out: Apr 13,2018
Filed for D: Jun 2018
D final: Sep 2019

"Surrender to the Flow"...
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Posts: 616
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mtb1981 Offline OP
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Originally Posted by AnotherStander
Good job MTB, glad you stuck to your guns on not taking the kids to a bar! Not just because of the whole bar thing, but because you are NOT her kid taxi service either. Great job sticking to your guns, and for allowing her access to the kids while not kowtowing to her demands. You handled it all perfectly.

Thank you, AS. I am glad to hear this. After these confrontations, I always feel uneasy. Never sure if I did the right thing or not. It's weird. I know what I need to do, but after talking with her I always have these feelings of self doubt and second guessing myself. Something I need to work on I guess. But it makes me feel better and more confident when the vets here agree with how I handled a situation...


Me: 38
W:31
Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4
M: 10 years
T:12 years
BD:Jan 3, 2018
W moved out: Apr 13,2018
Filed for D: Jun 2018
D final: Sep 2019

"Surrender to the Flow"...
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Originally Posted by mtb1981
I've picked up on the pattern. She pokes her head in and makes contact. I assume to see how I will respond and if she still has any control. Then she will ghost me for a week or two before doing the same thing again...


This is interesting. Gonna have to go and look at this in my own situation.

That said, AS is right. You handled all of that like a Boss, as you usually do MTB.

How does the D process?


M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4
All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18
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2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD
2 Major breakups.
2 Rebounds
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mtb, I think the 50/50 custody thing is the play here. She is staying in touch with/about the kids whenever she remember to so that later (in her mind) she can say she tried. We all know that is laughable but since she is still deep in her fantasy can convince herself that it is true. In fact you know she is telling other people "mtb is keeping me from my kids", She is a habitual liar and will continue to lie about everything you confront her about.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
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I agree, Steve. I do not understand how she thinks she can have them half the time when she struggles to see them once a month for a few minutes...

Orange, she was served the papers on the 4th of July. It is truly is Independence Day. I am in the problem fess if filling my out the financial affidavit. Honestly, I am in no hurry now. I have an injunction for possession of the house so she is no long r legally allowed there. That was a big concern. Also, I will no longer be held responsible for any debt she may incur during this time...

I just received a text from her asking what happened last night in regards to me not answering the phone when she missed the window of time she designated. I guess I will text her back in a bit simply saying,”you said you would call between 8 and 9. I made sure to have my phone. When you had not called by 9. I went to bed”. Is this ok, or is there a better way to word it? Or should I even respond at all?...


Me: 38
W:31
Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4
M: 10 years
T:12 years
BD:Jan 3, 2018
W moved out: Apr 13,2018
Filed for D: Jun 2018
D final: Sep 2019

"Surrender to the Flow"...
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To would say 'we agreed you will ring between 8 and 9. At 9.30 we are asleep' or ' please explain why you did not ring before 9 as agreed.

BIFF.

V

Last edited by Vanilla; 07/16/18 11:52 PM.

Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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I like V's first suggestion.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
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mtb1981 Offline OP
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I went with V’s first suggestion. Then i got back some rewritten history of how I supposedly said to call around that time and she called at 9:27 and to quit lying. I just informed her that I did not lie, and she was right. That she did call at that time but we were all in bed by then. She’s a real piece of work...


Me: 38
W:31
Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4
M: 10 years
T:12 years
BD:Jan 3, 2018
W moved out: Apr 13,2018
Filed for D: Jun 2018
D final: Sep 2019

"Surrender to the Flow"...
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