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#2801350 07/15/18 08:00 PM
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Loves77 Offline OP
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Here is the new thread.

I do not know how to attach the old.

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Hi everyone who reads about my situation.

I haven't posted in a bit. I haven't really seen the point to as nothing new has really happened. If anything only more distance. Me and him have commicated but only in reference to his mother and only a few times. I feel as though my detachment is getting better and better as the days go on. I look at the situation differently now. It doesn't seem as though we will get back together. As devastating as it is for me, I still do hang o to hope, it's just not consuming me as much. I have been busy focusing on my goals and the kiddos. I still turn down dating. Still working on my own self reflection. I have a hard time blaming myself that it didn't work out. I do feel that I played a role in it do to being preggo and just upset with life. But I have to forgive myself and learn from it. In that regard, it's good that he left. I might not have seen it.

I do still believe that he loves me. I do. I just think that he is more scared that things will go back to bad would rather maybe find someone new. And that is his decision. I do have an inkling that he still thinks about coming back to me. He has so much stress in his life right now so it's best for me to leave him be.

I hope all is well with everyone!

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Quit blaming yourself! It won't fix things, it actually will works against you bc then you'll be down in the dumps. Plus, it takes two to tango. Both parties could have done better and he is no saint!

Hopefully this time to yourself can be productive and good for you. I will say a prayer for you and the kids.


H 34
W 29
BD 3/12/18
Divorce Busted Spring 19

It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
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I have those moments too, wondering if I should have supported more been more understanding. The truth is every spouse in the world can be that . I was pregnant and was consumed by just managing myself and a toddler. So were you, the other 99% of partners stick by their families ours are bailing out . Stop blaming yourself , every time you miss him think of things that you do not miss about him. Walking out on you is a good first item for that list - arshi

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Update.

First off thanks for the responses. I'm working on not blaming myself. I can take accountability for my actions for being hormonal while preggo and super emotional, but I'm not gonna keep beating myself up. It's already working!!!

I have to say, detaching might be the best thing ever. Lol. I have been as distant as ever and what do you know, he text. This was Saturday. It wasn't anything super important, it was about the baby being 6 months old. I was out of town with my dad and decided to wait on responding. By the time we were on our way home, I just didn't. The next day his mother was texting saying he was trying to get a hold of me. I wait. Then he calls 20 mins later. We are at the mall. He then texts 30 min later. I keep right on shopping. His text was "yo what's up with ". I respond about 45 min later "???? At the mall". He then explains that he has texted and called and was trying to get ahold of me. That he was checking in" asked if everything was good. I just respond yea, at the mall. He tried to continue convo but I just picked and chose what to respond to.

I'm not saying that any of this means anything. Other than this, distance works. He was defbothered by my lack of anticipation to respond to him. So next time any of you think you need to reach out, remember that distance works better. I had to fight it a couple days but after a while you get used to it. They can sense it, I'm telling you!

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Update

He came home last Thursday. After he proposed!!

I can tell you first hand, detaching and backing off can work. But it has to be genuine. Detach to better yourself. Feel good about yourself. Confidence is sexy and intriguing. It worked for me. 😊

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OMG that's crazy. How have things been since then?

Are you guys going to any counseling together? Probably don't want to abandon all DB principles, but maybe move into a different chapter of it.


H 34
W 29
BD 3/12/18
Divorce Busted Spring 19

It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
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Good to hear successful outcomes on these forums...continues to provide hope!


Me - 38 W-37
S6
M 10 years T 13yrs
BD 3/18
W moves out 4/18
W files 7/18

Never waste a good crisis
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It was crazy!!!

I personally don't agree with counseling. Couples counseling at least. But I will say that yes, I still think some dbing is necessary. And I say that regarding myself-as in not laying all my stress at his feet, still handling my issues with myself. Etc.

Remembering that he isn't perfect either and stop expecting him to be. Just stuff like that.

This separation was a huge wake up call for me. Not just about him but what I want for myself.

I still read about situations on here. I kinda feel like you guys are my friends now. Haha.

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Yea well I'm just happy for you. I hope you can put in place some long term things that will help you.

And I'm just happy for you.

You have a good perspective on other people's situations, so it's good to see your comments.


H 34
W 29
BD 3/12/18
Divorce Busted Spring 19

It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
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