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Cory09 Offline OP
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Thank-you guys for the input and honesty..I think that as the process has moved along, it has been more and more evident to me that the D is almost inevitable...It's just so hard to process that 1 day we are building our dream house and trying to have a child, to a day later being separated and divorced...It is just so bizarre for me or anyone involved with us to comprehend...It is just a shame that people faithfully put their heart,soul, and years of their lives into another person to be left to pick up the pieces without so much as an explanation/closure...It's almost like the last 12 years were completely fake and she never was the real person who I thought was waking up next to everyday and went through all of life's experiences together...
Worse yet, she texted me again today,about some trivial insurance stuff that she could've easily taken care of by herself...This was after telling me a couple of weeks ago she wanted to distance herself to move on with life, which I agreed on and have remained no contact since...The bad part was how I let that one small text out of the blue get in my head and effect me..Her contact gave me that same empty,hopeless feeling inside when I've been working so hard on rebuilding myself back up physically, mentally, and emotionally..I was proud that I did not respond because I'm not going to make myself so readily available to someone who has so easily gave up on our marriage, hopes, dreams and future...
I'm starting to become angry with the fact that her selfish decisions are costing me so many months, possibly years of putting my life back together to fully recover and go through the grief process...Time is the most precious commodity in life and I feel the last 2 months have been stolen from me and I'm going to have to mortgage the next year or so as well...There is NO SHORTCUT to the grief process !!! I know if I just jump back into dating, like my mind is telling me to do to try and validate my worth, it will be futile...Which is interesting because we knew a lot of people who have cheated, divorced and are still with the OM/OW...Even though, people on here say that will never work because it is based on deceit and lies...I'm starting to believe that this ENTIRE WORLD is all based on deceit and lies and that is just how society is now..
I'm just over all of the emotional up and downs, need and wants, I should do this strategy, I shouldn't do this, etc...The he11 with it, the bottom line is this women doesn't want to be with me and it's not my job to save her from herself...Part of me hopes that she will experience 1/2 as much pain,agony that she has put me through but I know that would be Petty...I really wish that I believed that the Best Revenge is me walking the other way and I hope that I can someday truly believe that much in my self-worth...

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Cory09 Offline OP
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http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2802909&page=1

Hi everyone, here is my old thread...

It's been awhile since I've posted...I haven't had any contact with W in quite awhile and it does get easier but I think that it probably makes it easier for her to move on as well...It is still very difficult when you run into people that you haven't seen in awhile and they ask about her...Our massage therapist actually started tearing up when she heard the news "You guys were amazing for each other and it's such a loss"...It really affects me when distant acquantances all react the same way because it really makes me feel like we are both losing something special that everyone recognizes but my W...

Anyways, have been doing some amazing self-work and attended a day long mindfulness retreat where you were not allowed to talk or make eye contact with any of the other 15 people attending...It was quite a mind trip and made me realize how much I look to other people to validate my existence...Been working with therapist to deal with the Nice Guys issues and how those traits can hurt my relationships...Speaking along those lines, I was out gal-ing and talked to this beautiful women but I just couldn't think of even touching her...I've been with my W for over 12 years and when you do the math that is over 1,000 intimate physical experiences and I just can't imagine being with another women....

It's just tough, but taking it one moment at a time and starting to accept that My life isn't like I want it but if I can accept that my life is what it is than I can start to understand that I can handle it...

Thanks for all of your support...

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Cory, I feel the exact same way about the whole world being based on deceit and lies and that being how our society is now. There are so many positive things happening with LGBT rights and women's rights and support for immigrants but simultaneously there are a lack of mainstream leaders in society that uphold strong moral values. Having an affair is supposed to carry a really, really bad stigma. In the Middle East the punishment could be stoning to death although nowadays that basically never happens, but still, abandoning your family and having an affair is wrong. I just can't understand how shameless many of the wayward spouses on this forum are. Sounds like you're doing great though. I'm sure if your wife doesn't notice your progress lots of other women will so at least you'll know there are options should you choose to see a new partner someday.

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Cory09 Offline OP
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Ouch, Ouch!!

My friend just called to tell me my wife posted pictures on a date with another man already!!! We aren't even divorced yet, and have only been separated for a couple of months...This hurts, really hurts bad and I'm not sure what to do...My mind is racing, heart is beating out of my chest...I know from reading posts on here that there is NO LOGIC to what she is doing but I just feel so helpless!!!

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C9 - Sorry to hear this, my EW did the same thing although I had no clue. While it hurts I wish I would have known back then so it is good that you have the intel. I would suggest that you don't snoop and try to find the pictures yourself. I would also let your friend know to keep these things to himself moving forward.

Truthfully you don't do anything other than to decide whether or not you want to move forward with D yourself. Since you are separated there is not much you can enforce unless her dating is a deal breaker for you.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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So sorry to hear that Cory. Best wishes to you.

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You're going to be okay, Cory. You can only control you. Don't give up on yourself. That's the only important thing to remember right now.


M: 40 W: 37
T: 20 MR: 13
S13, S9, S4
BD: 1/29/18
Sep: 4/23/18 (I moved out)
8/24/18 I come home, she moves out

If you want to get out of the hole, drop the shovel.
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Cory, that's terrible news. I still remember how I felt when I made those discoveries earlier on. There is so much literal physical pain. You really do feel helpless at this particular time. It's tempting to do something crazy like call your wife and last out but it's best to mourn quietly and realize those fun dating photos or whatever relationship your wife is in right now won't last. She may think she's happy and getting what she wants but anyone who flashes pictures like that on their social media when they're not even divorced yet are simply embarrassing themselves. Why would anyone want to advertise themselves as such a lowlife? I'm sure the woman you married wasn't like that, and I'm sure she was great before she made a change for the worse, but right now she's living in a sinful state. It's almost not worth all those emotions you're feeling except that you can't help it. You never wanted any of this. It's really the worst feeling!

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I'd tell my family and friends you don't want to hear or see anything about her ever again.

It will only cause you pain.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
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Cory09 Offline OP
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Originally Posted by NicoleR
It's tempting to do something crazy like call your wife and lash out but it's best to mourn quietly and realize those fun dating photos or whatever relationship your wife is in right now won't last. She may think she's happy and getting what she wants but anyone who flashes pictures like that on their social media when they're not even divorced yet are simply embarrassing themselves. Why would anyone want to advertise themselves as such a lowlife? I'm sure the woman you married wasn't like that, and I'm sure she was great before she made a change for the worse, but right now she's living in a sinful state. It's almost not worth all those emotions you're feeling except that you can't help it. You never wanted any of this. It's really the worst feeling!


Thanks so much Nicole, your thoughts really put that in perspective for me...You are correct, the friends that have contacted me explained feeling disgust with her and what she is doing..It is so sad to watch her fall because literally anyone that ever met her when we were married had nothing but positive things and love for her but now some of those same people are disgusted by her actions...

I appreciate all of everyone's support and realize that it is going to long healing process even though I try mightily to speed it up so I don't have to feel this empty pain inside...

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