It did have an effect on me, Which i posted about, and processed, and dealt with.
I have always been 100% honest here on this board. Posting here dishonestly would completely defeat the purpose. Yet another unfounded assumption of my mood and actions.
Ok, i am sorry. I apparently, once again, have over stayed my welcome in your threads.
I only ever wanted to help you. I will continue to pray for you finding internal peace.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Steve, i always appreciate the back and forth with you.
Ask me questions and I will give honest answers.
" Though I have to say that we can only react to what you type. Based on your descriptions of how she looked and the faces she made, it was a natural assumption that you saw it with your own two eyes. I stand corrected. "THe only time i saw her is when i went outside with a trash bag when i thought she had already left."
I did see her. so that's how i know how she looked.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
It did have an effect on me, Which i posted about, and processed, and dealt with.
I have always been 100% honest here on this board. Posting here dishonestly would completely defeat the purpose. Yet another unfounded assumption of my mood and actions.
Ok, i am sorry. I apparently, once again, have over stayed my welcome in your threads.
I only ever wanted to help you. I will continue to pray for you finding internal peace.
Did i say over stayed welcome? no. Words in my mouth. I am capable of disagreeing with someone and retaining mutual respect Steve. I would rather discuss, debate and clarify than just say "Oh i dont like what you said, Go away"
Have i struck you as an uneducated or immature person Steve? - No bait here, legit question.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
Not at all. Maybe a penchant to overreact once in a while. But I am sure you will point out the same about me (and it would be true).
I am not perfect, but I have been pure in just trying to help you in your sitch OK. I just get the impression that isn't always welcome, and you'd rather not hear negative things. But uneducated or immature? Not at all.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
OK - I would just look inward and assess where you are at emotionally and determine if you can actually have these types of conversations with your W and not read into them or have them impact you. Based on what you type you still seem to be very much attached to her. If that is the case IMO these type of back and forth conversations can still keep you attached at some level. I know early on I was not able to carry on such lengthy conversations via text. It literally was yes, no, thank you or no response at all until I felt my confidence returning. In time maybe you can but I question whether or not you can at this juncture.
Only you know what your true motivations are. When you typed our you text exchange I initially thought that is good. Then the last several sentences about how you felt, assuming the worst, etc. made me feel you still have not let go which based on the text messages feels like it puts you right back into the cycle every time you have an interaction with her.
Maybe I am wrong but it is what I observe based on what you type. Again really ask yourself if seeing her and having these interactions with her stir things up, and stops your forward progress or do they help you?
Nobody is perfect Steve, least of all anyone who finds themselves on this board.
Perchance to over-react? assuredly. I wont disagree there.
I know 100% in my heart all you aim to do is help, you have made that very clear. you are a compassionate, caring person Steve. that bleeds through in your posts, and it is an endearing trait, especially in this seemingly cold and inhuman era of time in which we live.
I have no issue hearing negative things, disagreement breeds discussions, and discussions breed results. I do have issue with assumptions and jumps to conclusion, which I am equally guilty in regards to WIFE.
Your points you made are totally valid ones, but based on assumptions in some cases. Had you asked me questions first, we could have had a much clearer and productive conversation. That is the only point I am trying to make here.
I will say i may be sensitive to the demasculating choices of words such as "Puppy dog" and "watching like a hawk". terminology like that isnt exactly helpful with someone who's self esteem is already compromised from emotional abuse.
Did seeing her effect me? absolutely. I knew it would. Did her boldness in bringing OM to My house irritate me? Certainly.
That being said, i do think being as open as i was yesterday was a mistake. It didnt turn out awful like it could have, but was still unwise. Sandi makes good points on her post.
I should have posted here before messaging her. I admit 100% i messaged her because i had gotten used to her messaging me each day, and I felt empowered by not replying. When she DIDNT text me about S3, i got paranoid about him sleeping at OM's house, and that paranoia built throughout the day until it defeated my resolve and i caved and texted her. She took the power back by ignoring me. I can see now the strength it has to go dark, and it works both ways.
it was ill advised. I think the results may cause her to be a bit more open with me, but i also dont trust her to be honest or legitimately nice or accommodating, but at least now the tension has been defused a bit.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
[quote=Joseph9 Maybe I am wrong but it is what I observe based on what you type. Again really ask yourself if seeing her and having these interactions with her stir things up, and stops your forward progress or do they help you?[/quote]
you are not wrong. When the shoe was on the other foot last week, and I was the one accomplishing "Going Dark" with her, i was in a much better spot.
I am well further along the detachment path, but not nearly at the end of it.
I still feel as though yesterdays texts diffused some tension, but its back into the shadows for me.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
In the shadows is your best friend, less interaction the better. You also don't want her to be on an emotional roller coaster with you either. One day you are chatting it up via text and the next day your dark and not responding. I am not indicating your not stable but the changing of directions could give her the impression your not, that your emotions are all over the place.
Since i earned so many 2x4's, I am going to give myself one pat on the back.
Weeks ago, a disagreement like this would have irritated the hell out of me. I feel really good knowing that my temper IN GENERAL has improved, not just regarding PDWIFE.
Steve, I dot hope you understand I was never angry or upset with you. Peeved, irritated, frustrated? Sure, but these days it takes a lot to actually provoke legitimate anger from me anymore.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
