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A Message from Michele
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Re: Not so new here. #2 [Re: Loves77] #2800589
07/10/18 03:43 PM
07/10/18 03:43 PM
Joined: Jul 2018
Posts: 52
M
MMM12 Offline
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MMM12  Offline
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Joined: Jul 2018
Posts: 52
How has GAL been going? Remember this is as much for you as it is for him.


Me: 34
Fiance: 39
Together: 7 years, Engaged 6.
Kids: 3 (His, Mine, Ours)
BD: 06/18
Re: Not so new here. #2 [Re: MMM12] #2800657
07/11/18 02:25 AM
07/11/18 02:25 AM
Joined: May 2018
Posts: 218
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Loves77 Offline OP
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Loves77  Offline OP
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Joined: May 2018
Posts: 218
For me, GAL isn't to hard. With 4 kiddos I stay pretty busy. Starting work a month and a half ago has been extremely beneficial in more ways than one. But right now I'm trying to get back to being on time with financial matters and such.

I have been asked out on dates and have been tempted, but I'm still in love with him so I cannot do that. Plus, I get so pissed when that happens. It makes me mad that other people want to have an opportunity with me, and he could care less. With money being tight it's a lil fought to go out and have fun but I will get there.

I'm just tired of being sad. I'm letting it go. I have hope but it is dwindling to nothing. He's prolly with someone else and I'm old news. That's ok. I'll be ok.

Re: Not so new here. #2 [Re: Loves77] #2800798
07/11/18 01:53 PM
07/11/18 01:53 PM
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 372
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arsh18 Offline
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arsh18  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 372
You are feeling this now, tomorrow you may be feeling you have all the strength to keep on going since what you had is worth saving. Be patient, this is the worst pain ever hands down. One hour at a time on days when one day at a time is impossible. Expect oscillating between feeling ok to miserable, feeling fine will not come for a long time. Standing up for the R is the choice we make as LBS, hope you feel better. - arshi

Re: Not so new here. #2 [Re: Loves77] #2800804
07/12/18 10:01 AM
07/12/18 10:01 AM
Joined: May 2018
Posts: 218
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Loves77 Offline OP
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Loves77  Offline OP
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Joined: May 2018
Posts: 218
That's the thing arsh18, this week I feel different. After that weird sumituation with his sister in law last week, I felt differently. He seems to be very content. I'm happy for that. I don't want him to come back to just for me, that's selfish. But reality is, I really do not think I'm a thought in his mind other than being his child's mother. It's also been three months. I don't think that he can go without sex this long.

I love him very much but I feel that it is over and I need to let it go.

Re: Not so new here. #2 [Re: Loves77] #2800806
07/12/18 10:40 AM
07/12/18 10:40 AM
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 527
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LoneWlf Offline
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Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 527
Loves you do need to let go for the right reasons. Not because it is over( it may be). But because detaching is beneficial for you. You need to simply focus on yourself. You cannot control him. Redefine yourself so that you become a spouse only a fool would leave. Keep strong- never quit!


M51 w50
T-20Yrs M-16Yrs
S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up
1 Awesum dog
BD 10/31/17
separate rooms 02/08/18
wife moved out 05/17/18

Re: Not so new here. #2 [Re: Loves77] #2800811
07/12/18 11:10 AM
07/12/18 11:10 AM
Joined: May 2018
Posts: 218
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Loves77 Offline OP
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Loves77  Offline OP
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Joined: May 2018
Posts: 218
Hmmmmm ....that it probably the better way to look at it. I'm probably the most detached that I have ever. Even at this point, but still love him. I'm not going to date or anything. Just taking my time.

Re: Not so new here. #2 [Re: Loves77] #2800822
07/12/18 11:47 AM
07/12/18 11:47 AM
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 527
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LoneWlf Offline
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LoneWlf  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 527
Do yourself a favor- Continue to love him but love him at a distance. My suggestion is not date- no need to add another person in your life when your head space and heart space are in a state of turmoil. Take that time to find the real YOU! Find out what makes your heart and soul dance again !


M51 w50
T-20Yrs M-16Yrs
S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up
1 Awesum dog
BD 10/31/17
separate rooms 02/08/18
wife moved out 05/17/18

Re: Not so new here. #2 [Re: Loves77] #2801095
07/13/18 02:20 PM
07/13/18 02:20 PM
Joined: May 2018
Posts: 218
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Loves77 Offline OP
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Loves77  Offline OP
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Joined: May 2018
Posts: 218
So this weekend will mark two weeks of me going no contact. The book says that if a technique does not work in two weeks to try another. But if not in the same house give it a little longer. I'm going to list any signs of progress.

1. Last Thursday with the outburst of sister in law he seemed proud of me - he initiated contact
2. Friday called about dropping knee off to me, wanted me to come by his work - he initiated contact
3. Sunday called about money that he did not drop off. Seemed nervous on phone. - he initiated contact
4. Two weekends ago when he had the baby he was texting me during his visit, then wanted me to come get the baby and stay for a bit. Had decent convo.

What has seemed to change is me. My feelings towards the situation have definitely slowed. I believe I'm the most detached as I have ever been. I think I'll see what happens this weekend and another week and document progress then.

Re: Not so new here. #2 [Re: Loves77] #2801161
07/13/18 09:21 PM
07/13/18 09:21 PM
Joined: May 2018
Posts: 218
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Loves77 Offline OP
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Loves77  Offline OP
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Joined: May 2018
Posts: 218
Update

I'm not sure if I have mentioned before about his mom being so sick. She was just diagnosed with cancer today. It's devastating news. I went to her house immediately after she called. He was there and his sister. We stayed a while and discussed the situation. It was emotional. He had went outside to smoke and I was telling his sister about his mom saying that we would marry someday. It got me very upset. So I had decided that it was time to leave. It was not the time for me to bring that situation up.

As we were leaving, I gave him a hug. He held on to me for a while. When we separated he kissed me. Not once but he kept on like 5 times. This was right after I had told his sister that I thought we were over. I told him let me know if he needs anything.

I'm trying not to overthink it. Was it just an emotional day?

Re: Not so new here. #2 [Re: Loves77] #2801163
07/13/18 09:28 PM
07/13/18 09:28 PM
Joined: May 2018
Posts: 662
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ovrrnbw Offline
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ovrrnbw  Offline
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Joined: May 2018
Posts: 662
It was definitely an emotional day. I'm surprised he kissed you, although we and you would feel better if the commitment was there as well. You'll have to figure out for yourself if that's something you'd like to allow moving forward.

Sorry to hear about your (kinda) MIL getting sick.


H 32
W 27
BD 3/12/18
Joined Forum 5-18
LRT began 5-4-18
OM discovered 3-20-18

Married 2 years
Together 6 years
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