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A Message from Michele
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Re: Moving my tent to yet another village [Re: bttrfly] #2799634
07/05/18 06:25 AM
07/05/18 06:25 AM
Joined: Sep 2015
Posts: 955
Washington
C
ciluzen Offline
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ciluzen  Offline
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Joined: Sep 2015
Posts: 955
Washington
Hey bttrfly!

Wow...moving, decluttering, getting rid of stuff and lightening the load...
It's tough but so worth it later. I'm glad to hear you're taking care of yourself through this. I remember my move out of the house was so...accelerated due to the size and complexity of the big house to small apartment/ storage unit issue as well as the speed with which the house sold and short escrow period, but the move from the apartment to the new little house was so much easier because much of the downsizing that had been done.

For a moment there I almost thought you were one of my friends from middle school. There were three of us; our favorite teachers called us the "Three Musketeers" because we were so close, then one of us moved to the east coast. We have since reconnected on FB, as well. Not as lively as your reunion, but still close! That's so wonderful that you guys still had that connection after being apart for so long.

Things just seem to be getting better and better in your life...the growth in your soul or being is showing. keep going...it makes you beautiful.

Someday I'm going to have to experience a reiki session. I have no idea what to expect there, but you make it sound intriguing.


M-51 H-54
2D-27 and 25
M-26 yrs
Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15
He moved out 10-3-15
D filed 1-27-16
D final 10-27-16

Kindness, kindness, kindness.
Re: Moving my tent to yet another village [Re: ciluzen] #2799859
07/06/18 02:44 PM
07/06/18 02:44 PM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 2,307
Massachusetts
B
bttrfly Offline OP
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bttrfly  Offline OP
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Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 2,307
Massachusetts
Hey Cil ... thanks - today was more productive than yesterday. I actually split our cd collection today and packed up exh's. Son helped me go through some of his childhood stuff. Packed some, designated some for charity, gave some to a friend for his son. Haven't made as much progress as I would like and only have two more days. frown

A bit nervous I won't meet the deadline.


M 20+ T25+
BD April 6, 2015
D Final 12/23/16

Gratitude, love, compassion, humor, service

"And the days that I keep my gratitude higher than my expectations, well, I have really good days"
Re: Moving my tent to yet another village [Re: bttrfly] #2799890
07/07/18 01:56 AM
07/07/18 01:56 AM
Joined: Sep 2015
Posts: 955
Washington
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ciluzen Offline
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ciluzen  Offline
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Joined: Sep 2015
Posts: 955
Washington
You'll do it, it will be hard and exhausting, but then you'll be done. That's what stress is for; to push us into overdrive so we get stuff done we didn't think we could!

Take care, my friend. Wish I could help you with this hard stuff.


M-51 H-54
2D-27 and 25
M-26 yrs
Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15
He moved out 10-3-15
D filed 1-27-16
D final 10-27-16

Kindness, kindness, kindness.
Re: Moving my tent to yet another village [Re: ciluzen] #2800714
07/11/18 06:33 AM
07/11/18 06:33 AM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 2,307
Massachusetts
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bttrfly Offline OP
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bttrfly  Offline OP
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Posts: 2,307
Massachusetts
Quick update:
I didn't really meet my deadline. There are three rooms purged though and ready to pack and move. I did what I could, got sick Saturday night into Sunday through today. Feeling better now and ready to roll.

The energy around this is definitely reminiscent of the last move. Ex's stuff still in my basement and one other place in the apartment. Also he's stored car parts at my parents for a decade now. I want the stuff gone. We discussed it today (exh "well I'm just going to throw it away; I don't want it." "Well we don't either - and we shouldn't have to pay someone to remove it")

I cannot wait for him to embark on his magical mystery tour of the US as he begins his geographic cure for what ails him.

Met with a moving / storage co today. I have a lot of work ahead of me over the next 5 weeks. Send good thoughts, please!


M 20+ T25+
BD April 6, 2015
D Final 12/23/16

Gratitude, love, compassion, humor, service

"And the days that I keep my gratitude higher than my expectations, well, I have really good days"
Re: Moving my tent to yet another village [Re: bttrfly] #2800740
07/11/18 08:06 AM
07/11/18 08:06 AM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,704
UK
V
Vanilla Offline
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Vanilla  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,704
UK
I love the clearing of the old phase, it's the beginning of the new.

It's odd how waywards hoard stuff though here are some of the things in the G collection:

316 pairs of socks some with holes and a few odd ones
282 pairs of underwear with skids and holes
19 cans of deodorant
423 mixed golf balls
5 golf bags Inc 2 mouldy ones
14 bottles of balsamic vinegar


I packed it all, empty envelopes and old newspapers etc

V


Everyone who wills can hear their inner voice. It is within everyone. Gandhi
V 64, WAW


Re: Moving my tent to yet another village [Re: Vanilla] #2800751
07/11/18 08:42 AM
07/11/18 08:42 AM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 1,677
Canada
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AndrewP Offline
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Posts: 1,677
Canada
{{{bttrfly}}} - you can do this. The stuff is just stuff. I remember suggesting that when my now ex (and deceased) in-laws were moving into a nursing home that I suggested that they take with them what they would need and just abandon the rest.

They didn't do that of course and I am sure there was a heck of a mess when they passed on.

V - I agree - hoarding seems to be a common thing. I remember my daughter laughing as I told her about the number of pickle dishes I had found - along with some lovely cotton pillow cases 'cuz where else do you store linens. There were boxes of magazine clippings of recipes, files from her old free-lance work, abandoned craft projects some decades old, and just "crap". I too boxed it all up without giving thought to organizing it or purging it for her. From what I've gathered she's only recently started un-packing 2 years out.

Some of the "ownership" of stuff could perhaps be disputed on what I put in to her pile in the front porch but as I sad-sausage wrote to her, it was all stuff that I didn't want around me in a life without her. frown

I found that for me that purging my ex's stuff was physically painful and made me nauseous and I could only do it in sections. But then I was staying here. It may perhaps have been different if I was moving, taking with me the stuff that I loved and abandoning the rest.

You've got this. It doesn't have to be perfect. Only take with you that which gives you Joy.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Re: Moving my tent to yet another village [Re: Vanilla] #2800752
07/11/18 08:45 AM
07/11/18 08:45 AM
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 25,128
Maryland
job Offline
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job  Offline
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Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 25,128
Maryland
I am so sorry to read that you were sick over the weekend. Glad to hear you are better and moving along with the packing up of your belongings.

I am not the least bit surprised to read that your xh has now decided to chuck some of the stuff he's left behind. I do understand how you feel about getting someone in to take the stuff. If you are put in a position to get rid of it, advertise and sell the stuff. No sense in tossing some of it unless you are just fed up and want it gone yesterday.

Sending you prayers and good thoughts as you continue to pack.

Re: Moving my tent to yet another village [Re: job] #2800777
07/11/18 10:57 AM
07/11/18 10:57 AM
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 2,145
USA
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Gordie Offline
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Gordie  Offline
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Posts: 2,145
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Butterfly

Sending you prayers and wishes for good health and spirits

Packing up is hard for me because I am sentimental about things


Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids
2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong
2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2
2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 but still not sure
Re: Moving my tent to yet another village [Re: Vanilla] #2800874
07/12/18 02:21 PM
07/12/18 02:21 PM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 2,307
Massachusetts
B
bttrfly Offline OP
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bttrfly  Offline OP
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Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 2,307
Massachusetts
Originally Posted by Vanilla
I love the clearing of the old phase, it's the beginning of the new.

It's odd how waywards hoard stuff though here are some of the things in the G collection:

316 pairs of socks some with holes and a few odd ones
282 pairs of underwear with skids and holes
19 cans of deodorant
423 mixed golf balls
5 golf bags Inc 2 mouldy ones
14 bottles of balsamic vinegar


I packed it all, empty envelopes and old newspapers etc

V

Wow Lady V that's quite a list! My ex was always throwing away all my stuff, but never his own. I've got car parts everywhere. I also have computer parts and power cords ... Hey maybe I can get $$$ for some of this stuff to defray storage costs?


M 20+ T25+
BD April 6, 2015
D Final 12/23/16

Gratitude, love, compassion, humor, service

"And the days that I keep my gratitude higher than my expectations, well, I have really good days"
Re: Moving my tent to yet another village [Re: AndrewP] #2800878
07/12/18 02:32 PM
07/12/18 02:32 PM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 2,307
Massachusetts
B
bttrfly Offline OP
Member
bttrfly  Offline OP
Member
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Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 2,307
Massachusetts
Originally Posted by AndrewP
{{{bttrfly}}} - you can do this. The stuff is just stuff. <snip>

<snip>

I found that for me that purging my ex's stuff was physically painful and made me nauseous and I could only do it in sections. But then I was staying here. It may perhaps have been different if I was moving, taking with me the stuff that I loved and abandoning the rest.

You've got this. It doesn't have to be perfect. Only take with you that which gives you Joy.




oh Andrew, yeah it's definitely another knife stab in an old wound. Getting pretty tired of those! I found the Divorce Nisi document as well as mediation notes, painful ones detailing spending on himself/potential affair partner, his secret trip to Hawaii on our 21st wedding anniversary that he was honestly shocked I refused to pay half of, and a long rambling letter that I thankfully never gave him. I kept the court document and shredded the rest.

Truly we LBS' are NOT in our right minds when we're going through the earliest stages of this. We are traumatized and bereft, struggling to make sense of what just happened and to keep our children and pets safe and whole while the MLCr had months or years to plan their assault.

I feel like I ought not to post my true feelings because three years three months and six days out, I don't believe in standing. Nothing can deter a MLCr from their path. Once they are in the tunnel, that's it - they truly do have to go all the way, whatever that means to them, before there's any hope of coming out on the other side. Perhaps that's despair speaking, or sheer pragmatism.

What does that mean for the LBS who believes in the sanctity of marriage, who probably is still deeply in love with their spouse? To me, right now, I'd say two things: 1. a lot of heartache and 2. freedom to figure out what YOU want moving forward.

For me - I'd say a lot of my decisions in the first two years out were made under a cloud of depression, despair, grief and his MLC. This move will be the last, I hope, connected in any way, shape or form to him. From here on out, my decisions are my own. It's a relief but I'm hoping that I don't remain in this semi-bitter place. It doesn't suit me.


M 20+ T25+
BD April 6, 2015
D Final 12/23/16

Gratitude, love, compassion, humor, service

"And the days that I keep my gratitude higher than my expectations, well, I have really good days"
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