O - I went off the DB planet once because I just needed to get clarity. I came here first and argued a bit, but AS told me straight what was going to happen and if I did it, it wasn't going to be end of the world. Guess what - he was 100% right how things would unfold and how I would feel. I felt like complete garbage and that's the price I paid for clarity. But after that, I didn't look back and went full steam ahead with NC/Dark, GAL, and working on myself. And I haven't broken that since. Every time I got the urge to temp check her, I made myself remember how I felt when I did it the last time. And that brought me back to my sense real quick.
So, I guess you did what you felt like you had to do to get a kick in the a$$ and accept reality. Now that you've done that, you have ZERO excuses to move forward with a DB mindset. Don't backslide EVER.
Just got an email, and had a phone call with the director of my daycare. WIFE hasn't paid the daycare tuition in 3 weeks. Since June 4th. (we alternate paying each week, and a payment wasnt due for the week of July 4th)
I am up to date with my payments, i just confirmed that with the director. She keeps notes on which payments come from which Check #'s, so she knows who pays when. She also emailed a statement outlining this.
The daycare has shown time and time again that they see that I am the one doing the lions share of the parenting. At the beginning the director was very short and cvold with me, i think WIFE had smeared me a bit to them, but the truth came out through time, and they have commented to me several times that "you are picking up all the slack, you're doing a great job" which is very nice to hear.
I told the director, "Thanks for keeping me posted on all of this, please let me know if WIFE takes care of the payments, as if she does not, i will need to find another option for his care on Friday"
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
O - I went off the DB planet once because I just needed to get clarity. I came here first and argued a bit, but AS told me straight what was going to happen and if I did it, it wasn't going to be end of the world. Guess what - he was 100% right how things would unfold and how I would feel. I felt like complete garbage and that's the price I paid for clarity. But after that, I didn't look back and went full steam ahead with NC/Dark, GAL, and working on myself. And I haven't broken that since. Every time I got the urge to temp check her, I made myself remember how I felt when I did it the last time. And that brought me back to my sense real quick.
So, I guess you did what you felt like you had to do to get a kick in the a$$ and accept reality. Now that you've done that, you have ZERO excuses to move forward with a DB mindset. Don't backslide EVER.
i referenced this scenario you went through, and i agree, for me it served the same purpose. The main difference being that i dont feel like $hit. I feel liberated. light and free. Other times i have felt "Elated" in the past, it was a high i was running off from some interaction with WIFE. Like Court or something. THen i would QUICKLY spiral out into a super deep low. We have all seen me do this several times. This is different, i wont even say it FEELS different. because it IS different.
I only have focus for the following now. S3 My goals. My wellbeing My advancement and healing My finanaces My career (on the hunt for a new Fire Dept!!)
As sandi stated, i cant do it all at once. Right now, i am focused on paying debts and getting a new car, while finishing up with D. Once D is over, I will focus on saving for a new place to live. then Life and Career advancement. All the while, working out and focusing on my personal recreations. Game nights, crafting (Blacksmithing specifically) training for FIRE/EMS and getting back on my swordsmanship. Plus i live on a lake again. Swimming / Fishing with my brother.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
