Advice on my Scenario Pt. 18 - Nunquam Iterum

[TBSakaJ9]

And what G said.....nothing you can do about it.

I will engage if it involves my kids and nothing else. She knows not to ask me about anything else. She knows I am not her maintenance man, her shoulder to cry on, and I don't want to hear about her BF. So far she has not come to me with any of it.

[OrangeK]

I wasnt asking if there was anything i could do about it.

[OrangeK]

I guess call me guilty of some minor mind reading attempts. Funny how one can attempt to mind read while activley trying not to mind read.

Honestly i think by asking that i was asking "What do these things mean?" "If WIFE is acting this why, what is going on on her end?"

Which are things i shouldn't be concerning myself with, and when i asked, i didnt have these in the front of my mind.
Literally subconsciously working against myself. At least im recognizing that now instead of denying it and arguing with people i guess. Progress?

They say DBing is for YOU not the WS, but the DBer also has to fight against being his/her own worst enemy.

Its amazing how LITTLE of a thing can cause a trigger, im just so glad i can mitigate the triggered responses now.

The picture of S3 WIFE sent this morning from the room at her mothers house had her left hand in the photo.
Just seeing her hand made me think of 1000 things.
"Thats where her ring should be"
"how many times did i hold that hand?"
"this was the hand that held me, and fed our child"

Thankfully, today, these were merely thoughts, not a flood of varying emotions.

[TBSakaJ9]

My EW sold her engagement ring for $1700 to buy Christmas presents.......SMH

I will never understand how she got to the place she was in.

I am sure you will be in for more surprises as your story continues to unfold.

[OrangeK]

Joseph.

When WIFE cleaned her stuff out of the storage unit I had been paying for back in March, she left behind all of our wedding decorations, her wedding dress (it was left literally in a pile on the floor of the storage unit IN A PUDDLE), family photo albums of prints that cannot be replaced of her as a little girl in Ireland with her family (she took the $8.00 in Scottish money though), clothes she had never worn, a stack of family photos.

Sentimentality - ZERO

[TBSakaJ9]

Yep.....my EW wedding dress is still hanging in the spare bedroom closet along with all of our family photos. She took nothing outside of furniture, a bed, wall décor, and her clothes. I am saving the stuff for our D's.

[OrangeK]

I guess i kinda just hoped that all of these instances of her getting more disorganized and erratic would mean there could be some form of unraveling or destabilization on her end of things, be it with her Mother, OM, her Job, or something.

The woman needs to see consequences from her actions, even if they aren't consequences for her actions against me.

I know that's not the most "Detached" thought process, and i honestly shouldn't be wasting my time thinking about those potential eventualities. It is still definitely a challenge that i have to consciously keep myself in check about, trying to analyze everything she does and doesn't do.
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All that said, i will say the irony of a woman who felt the need to take out an RO against me is the one messaging me daily now... lol

[TBSakaJ9]

OK - I wish that was the case, I really do. Early on I thought the same thing about my EW, it is hard to not read into things. Over time though you just get emotionally wore out from doing it and eventually you stop and that desire becomes less and less.

I never imagined in a million years my EW would have done what she did. Never, ever. Me and our girls were the only family she had. She told me many times I was her rock and we were together for 17 years.

I will never understand what happened and how she got to the place she is in but I have accepted it. I will never take her back......she has caused too much damage and I could never truly forgive her for the pain she has caused. I will always love her as the mother of my children but our path's are going to be forever different.

Over time you will get there. Chances are the consequences she will face will have nothing to do with you or S3. It will happen when you least expect it, it will be totally random and more than likely by then you will have moved on yourself and you might be married again in a loving R that blows what you and your W had out of the water.

Eventually you will accept these things and truthfully your E might never feel the consequences of her actions or if she does it still might not mean that she turns back to you.

This board is more of a support group than anything else. Some people DB like [censored] and their spouse returns. Others DB perfectly and the spouse never returns. When everyone first arrives that is all the want, they want their spouse to return. Over time you will make the shift and the desire to save yourself will be more important than your spouse returning.

[OrangeK]

I think that shift happened for me the other day.

I do not want WIFE back, wouldnt take her back if she begged me.
I know the reading into things will continue to become less frequent or strong, ive already seen that happening over the last few weeks.

Shes just so damn skewed and erratic its hard not to be like "WTF?! why would she do that and whats her endgame?"

Chaos is the best way i can think to explain it. Pure, Raw Chaos.
Chaos in of itself is not destructive, it just cares not if it results in destruction.

[TBSakaJ9]

I understand the erratic.....I thought when my EW reached out to me for stupid random things that it was a sign that she was moving closer to me. Then after I moved her into her apartment I found out she had a BF.......SMH.

I just think it's about where they are at mentally. My EW called me honey at our kitchen table in the same sentence she was telling me about her BF.

You just have to let it go in one ear and out the other and keeping moving forward.