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On #3, or just do it and let her find out the hard way.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
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I think I don't even have to go so far as changing locks right now. I will ask a lawyer first, but since my wife voluntarily left her house keys behind and her only means of entry is with the garage door opener, I think I can just erase the remotes from the opener and that would keep her out. If I talked to her about it she may even agree to hand over her remote. She did not object to me wanting the baptism things, we're splitting the school pictures, and she said she didn't remember seeing the bank folder (i suspect that is a lie, I found it in one of the boxes she packed.)

I expect she will say she should have access to the house because of our son's things being there. I think my answer to that is that this is son's home, he did not choose to move out, and if she wants anything of his (or her own for that matter), she can ask for it and we can arrange a time for her to pick it up. I don't plan on being available much more than the times we transfer son between us.

I have expected her to put up more of a fight about a lot of things, like me taking the bed back, me closing accounts and switching direct deposit to my own new checking account. She really hasn't fought any of those things though. Maybe me taking the bed back made her finally decide to move out, but she'd wanted to do that since January. I think my actions reinforce her resentment more than her growing any respect for me. Can't worry too much about that right now though, gotta keep standing up for myself.


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PA: 5/6/18 - ?
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I wouldn't trust the key thing. Keys are easily and cheaply copied. I'd rekey the locks.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
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Make it a clean break with the locks/her access. It should be clear and easy for her to understand.

Don't get too nitpicky.


H 34
W 29
BD 3/12/18
Divorce Busted Spring 19

It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
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So the response I got from a lawyer was that W can file for divorce in the state she moved to in as little as three weeks, and the lawyer is urging me to file soon in my state if I want jurisdiction here. I don't see how it matters much where it is filed, other than if W requests a temporary order for custody that I would contest. And I would probably have to find a new lawyer, but that's not a huge concern for me right now.

Feel like I'm heading into battle today. No running away.


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Originally Posted by STH17
So the response I got from a lawyer was that W can file for divorce in the state she moved to in as little as three weeks, and the lawyer is urging me to file soon in my state if I want jurisdiction here. I don't see how it matters much where it is filed, other than if W requests a temporary order for custody that I would contest. And I would probably have to find a new lawyer, but that's not a huge concern for me right now.

Feel like I'm heading into battle today. No running away.


My suggestion is that if you are against D, and especially if you are morally opposed to D, then do not be the one to file. Ls always want you to file first. They have their reason, and I am sure there are good reasons to do so as well. However, what makes sense legally doesn't necessarily make sense morally. If you knew for sure your W was in an EA or PA, then I would say go for it without hesitation. For me cheating is the only thing that justifies filing. But then you aren't me so do whatever you feel is best.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
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Definitely EA and PA, extent of PA unknown but the worst is likely from what I've read.
We made a non exhaustive list for property division we both signed. I made a toothless request for her to give me her keys. She says I can't legally keep her out. I knew that. I guess she agreed to let me know when she would be coming to the house. This is depressing.


Me:30 W:31
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Originally Posted by STH17
Definitely EA and PA, extent of PA unknown but the worst is likely from what I've read.
We made a non exhaustive list for property division we both signed. I made a toothless request for her to give me her keys. She says I can't legally keep her out. I knew that. I guess she agreed to let me know when she would be coming to the house. This is depressing.


I'd talk to a lawyer about that. I think in most cases if they move out they give up rights to unfettered access to the marital home. But there are different rules on that in different jurisdictions.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
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Originally Posted by STH17
So the response I got from a lawyer was that W can file for divorce in the state she moved to in as little as three weeks, and the lawyer is urging me to file soon in my state if I want jurisdiction here. I don't see how it matters much where it is filed, other than if W requests a temporary order for custody that I would contest. And I would probably have to find a new lawyer, but that's not a huge concern for me right now.

Feel like I'm heading into battle today. No running away.


That is a tough choice. On one hand, I agree with Steve that you probably do not want to file for D yourself. On the other, it may be much worse if she files in a different state. For one thing, you will need a L that is registered in that state, you need to attend meetings in that state... it complicates things big time. If I were in your shoes and I was positive she would file, I would consider preemptively file myself. Very tough dilema, though...

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Just remember, you can file, and if things change, always request a withdrawal of proceedings.


M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4
All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18
-----------------------------------------------------
2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD
2 Major breakups.
2 Rebounds
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