Affair discovered 3

[STH17]

Previous thread:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2794168&page=11

Think I'll rename my thread next time. Keeping it as "Affair discovered" feels like living in the past.

At present: W's family helping her move out in a couple days, she's been packing all week. My last post in previous thread focuses on that. W and I both want what's good for our son.

[joejoe1]

STH,

I know its hard but let go of the anger, if you truly love your W allow her to chose her own path, that is what love is all about ain't it. Allowing a person to be themselves and be free to choose!!!!

You dont have to agree with her choice, but you have to allow her to make that decision. It's like a person that like dogs and you like cats and you hate that person for liking dogs. I know it's not that simple, but look at it like that. Validate your wife for liking dogs even thou you don't. You dont ever have to like dogs, but validate your W by saying, i understand how You can feel that way about dogs(not wanting to be in this marriage). And leave it at that. You dont need to try to change her mind or explain to her why cats are so much better, that's your opinion.

Also, if you CHOOSE to never be the person your W is now, you will never be that.

You interaction today was a good time to show your W a confident and happy STH.

Find a way to feed the good wolf and let go of that anger towards your W. I watched alot of youtube videos on how to live an optimistic life and dwell in positivity no matter how my life and day is going, it helped a lot.

You want her to choose you, well you start choosing you.

Stop worrying about her mindset, her moving out, how her decsions well affect this and that. Start worrying about how your decisions will show your son a strong and confident man. Show family and strong and confident man she will be leaving.

You cant control her nor do You want too.

Onward and forward.

[STH17]

Find a way to feed the good wolf and let go of that anger towards your W. I watched alot of youtube videos on how to live an optimistic life and dwell in positivity no matter how my life and day is going, it helped a lot.

Any link you could share for that? Sounds good to me.

I think I made an oopsie. Our car insurance needs to be renewed this month, and since we just sold a car, I had to change that on the policy. Since W also has her own car now (her parents just gave her theirs), and is moving out tomorrow, I wanted to look into options for car insurance. I logged into my policy and removed W and the car we sold from the policy to see what the renewal cost would be. I thought I was just going to get a quote, but the final screen said the changes would be made within an hour. whoops!

I'll talk to W about it today at lunch time. I read online that courts typically order no changes be made to ins "before or during D". But we sold a car, the policy is due for renewal, we're low on cash, W is moving out and won't be driving my car anymore. So changes do need to be made. I guess the question is whether W stays on the policy and we add the car her parents gave her. I don't know if they even made that official with a title transfer though. Legally, our marital assets would be tapped if she gets in an accident and any damages need to be paid. So it is in my interest for her to be insured. I wish she would take responsibility for paying for it herself though.

[STH17]

oh, just got an email saying my request couldn't be processed online, I'd have to make a phone call. That's a relief I suppose, but I think I should still talk to W about it.

[AnotherStander]

I would mention to her that you are calling in to remove the one car, and ask her if she has insurance on the car her parents gave her because if so you'll go ahead and remove her from your policy. That's perfectly reasonable, but she'll probably get angry so be ready for that and remind her that she is the one that wants this and you're just trying to facilitate her.

[STH17]

Talked to W about it, no hiccups at all. I think I could have been more assertive but I asked if she was getting insurance for her car, and she said yeah. Eh, it wasn't all that clear really what she was planning to do or how it would be paid for. But she was fine with me taking her off our policy.

When I came home my son was excited and said "is it the weekend!?" So W told him he'll be staying with me on the weekends. I'm happy he's excited about it at least. Also not happy about the whole situation of course..

[STH17]

Looking at wife's smiling and laughing face while she plays with son is painful. Now she's reading son a bedtime story in the next room over and it feels like listening to a tv show playing, not any reality I'm a part of. I feel sadness, anger, and nothing.

[NicoleR]

STH, that's so so sad. It's probably better to leave the house but it's the same for me. My husband is here this weekend visiting and I have stuff to get done so I'm here when he's here and it's a painful reminder of the happy days when we were a family. I feel envious of our daughter that he hugs and kisses her and gives her attention! Yet even she only receives that sporadically. I wish families could just stay together - how can anyone cheat or leave when they have little kids? And what lowlife man would be doing this with your wife knowing she has a little kid and a husband at home? Unbelievable.

[sandi2]

Originally Posted By: joejoe1

Find a way to feed the good wolf and let go of that anger towards your W. I watched alot of youtube videos on how to live an optimistic life and dwell in positivity no matter how my life and day is going, it helped a lot.

Any link you could share for that? Sounds good to me.

Just type in how to feed the good wolf.

[STH17]

And what lowlife man would be doing this with your wife knowing she has a little kid and a husband at home? Unbelievable.

I'd say the kind of man who feels sorry for her and believes I am as bad as W tells him I am. Better for me not to think about that though.

Sandi, thanks for the search tip, I'll check it out.

Today is W's moving day. Her family just got here to help. Time to make myself scarce I think.

Or not. Son want son to stay home and make slime. Okay, sounds fun!