Long day today. But I do have pie. Good time out at the plant open house. I chatted a bit with the two presidents and one of them had a talk to my boss "informing" him that I needed to spend time at his (closer to me) plant. I'll be there for the first part of next week sorting out some pricing and inventory issues among other things.
It had been suggested that I also go there later this week but since I have my date with CL on Sunday I thought it would be nice to be in her geography on Monday and Tuesday rather than before the date just in case. I created legitimate business reasons for this suggestion
I'm still very concerned about my career and future but one of the presidents made a point of telling me that he had work already lined up for me for the next 2 years. He's got a co-generation plant approved and on the books which would be a cool project and way out of the usual thing that I've done. Not sure if that's what he had in mind.
I did message CL today with a "hi" and a picture of my pies and got a reply back that she'd just been "served". I made brief sympathetic noises and let her know that if she wanted to chat she knew how to reach me. She said she was going to do more purging (probably not the best choice legally speaking but not for me to comment on). I think she'll need some time to deal with that and certainly space. I've been leaving the control of chatting in her hands so as to not come across all "creepy old man stalker guy" but I think reaching out briefly every few days is probably a good idea. If she wants to chat then we can, otherwise move on with my day.
I had a laugh yesterday as yet another "Russian Bride" connected to me on Messenger. "Just to chat". Since she had no bonifides from here or elsewhere I knew it was just a usual fishing expedition. She did send me some unsolicted pictures (fully-ish clothed) showing her to be a young Latina type woman after I told her that since I didn't know who she was that I wasn't interested in chatting. I really need to clean out my list on that program. There's at least a half-dozen of them who I initially accepted contact from but realized that they weren't legitimate known people.
I was a bit surprised when I got home today that S23 asked to go out for more driving practice. He did mention his mother and prior driving practice asking questions about down-shifting that she had told him about but didn't know the reason to keep the vehicle in gear at all times. I ignored the reference to his mother although a surprisingly large part of me was bursting with questions about what they did, where they went, how is she doing. None of my business / concern. Even though I'd spent about 9 hours in the car, off we went. He did well. Listened and implemented suggestions from me. I think it's more stubbornness and pride than patience that drives him which perhaps he gets from me. His temper (I blame his mother) he holds in. I was very pleased that when he was stalling the car over and over again a kindly elderly gentleman came over to see if he was having mechanical problems and S23 was cheerful although he was undoubtedly horribly embarrassed. I'm very proud of how he's conducting himself.
I realized too that Sunday would have been my 29th wedding anniversary. My first "non-aversary" as I wasn't legally divorced last August. It's also the day of my first date with CL. Could be considered karma I suppose. I have no real clue what is up with my ex though other than from the outside she appears to be "stuck" and rather unhappy.
There could be a temptation to do a "pay-back selfie" but that's not going to happen. CL is still navigating some difficult waters that are best not disturbed and we have no clue where this may (or may not) go. I "would" really frost my ex though to see me out with a younger, slimmer, very pretty and woman on what would have been "our" day especially since her own dreams of true love and romance appear (from the outside) to have turned to dust.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
What a week! Lots of stress from work. Quite a few people who are moving to the buy-out company are telling me that I should be included in the deal as well. I did have a conference call on Thursday morning with their technical and operations people and it seems that at least two of the processes I've created over the years are going to be adopted by them nationally for managing production scheduling and lab work. That makes me feel good that my work is being recognized. I did raise some flags about it with my management about handing over tools that might create a competitive advantage for the other company but they didn't seem to care. The question came up on the call of if anyone other than me can maintain this stuff and I assured them that it was all industry standard tools used and the skills were sure to be available. But there was enough grey hair on the call for them to know that it's easier to just take the mechanic as well as the tools.
I'm playing my cards fairly close to my vest right now in part because I don't know what end game I actually do want. Also, if they approach me rather than the other way around I may get a much better offer. On the other hand it may just wiz by as a chance which to be honest is actually my Plan A. I've been applying for other jobs for the last while and have been spreading the word that I may be available. I had an old colleague (who I don't really trust) reach out yesterday saying that he wanted to chat about an opportunity. I've responded in a vague fashion that I was open to hearing what he might have in mind.
It's times like this that I really miss having a partner. Someone who I can talk to about this. Someone who would have my back and be some sort of safety net if I fell.
I'm at our Sulphuric acid plant Monday and Tuesday and may talk to that division's president about what he sees as my future. My boss alternates between the charm and anger channels in his communication with me. I think he's sh!tt!ng bricks at present and is in waay over his head being the point person on this project. He has few clues about the technology used and is dismissive of it, little understanding of our business processes and horrendous organizational skills. He's gotten away with it in the past because his staff has enough competency to keep the lights on and the trucks rolling.
One thing that I'm surprisingly not too stressed out about is my date on Sunday. I've trimmed the knuckle and nose hair, plucked the ear hair and made reservations for brunch at a nice restaurant that a friend who lives in the same city as CL recommended. I have few expectations. I'll probably get a hug from CL and we'll have a nice visit. I place the odds moderately low on getting a good-bye kiss. I'll perhaps go and watch the Christopher Robin movie by myself afterwards and then head home for the ironing and Sunday supper. I have a nice roast out that I'll put in the slow-cooker before I leave for brunch.
Being as there are probably few people poorer at figuring out women than me, I'm not over-thinking things. I do think that first night was a bit of an over-reaction by CL. Everything since then has been friendly, not clingy or controlling in the least. No questions about where I am / what I'm doing. Also, no deep conversations. I've offered that she could call me but she hasn't. I have been finding out that there are a lot of layers to her and her life that I had no clue about. Perhaps she's like a nice parfait (bonus points for the reference). She's read some of the same authors as I have and some I haven't. She has a nerdy side that I had no idea of and is a big fan of Star Trek. I'm not a "trekkie" but it does speak to commonality of interest. In one message she said that she was frustrated and was going offline to do some art. I had no idea she was artistic. I'm appreciative of artistic creativity and love having pretty things around me even if I lack that creativity myself.
After I made the reservations on Wednesday I messaged her to let her know / ask how her day was going. Got a nice answer back about what she was busy with with work and an agreement that she also was really looking forward to getting together. Then we went on with our days.
Because I over-analyze things far too much, one way of looking at it is that she's now comfortable and confident that I'm around and available if / as she needs me. The other - to me more probable - answer is that she felt that she had that one moment 2 weeks ago to catch my attention and now is busy living her life. I'm following her lead in the communication and progress of how and where things are going. So far I'm pretty comfortable with it all and do in fact have no expectations.
I did hear from a friend about my ex over this past week a couple of times. I saw a couple of pictures of her at a baby shower. Such a sour expression that she had or so it seemed. She's also put on a significant amount of weight since the last time I saw her which was last November. She looks almost spherical. She'd always been heavy and was quite heavy like she is now about 12 years ago or so. but the change from November to now is pretty profound. She had worked so very hard to get her weight down, especially once she started her affair. Odd as it may sound I was rather proud of her accomplishments. I was also told that her Facebook postings are getting more frequent and more filled with anger and angst. No sign of OM anywhere. It was suggested that she's been dumped yet again which might explain the weight gain and anger. It may be that some of her angst is because of the fact that what would have been our anniversary is coming up and after all these years she's still stuck in her apartment as "the girlfriend". No clue if she thinks of me as a Plan B or not. For all I know she's satisfied with the life she is leading. She has few responsibilities, a steady income and lots of freedom. Having spent more than half of my life with her I don't believe that but have been wrong about her so very many times over the last 3 years.
I do put the odds pretty close to zero that she'll be knocking on my door even if she does hear that I've dated or if she's actually been dumped. I do expect that CL and I will have other dates as time goes on. If nothing else, she wants to review my own divorce process and forms to help guide her own process. I'm spending a bit of time today organizing things for when she asks to see my files.
I did have a nice walk at lunch on Thursday again with WL although walking briskly in a busy industrial area doesn't do much for having conversations. I think we both acknowledge it as a given that I'm interested in getting to know her better. The logistics of having dates with her are a bit more complex as she lives a fair bit further away. There is another lady at work who has been a great supporter who I was talking to on Friday and reminded that she had promised we would have lunch together. We need to try to make that happen.
I'm glad that I've not dipped into the OLD pool. My perception is that there are higher expectations of making quick decisions and commitments. CL and I have gone a couple of weeks with just a few messages and one planned date. The two WL I've known for years and years and the lady at the flower shop for 2 years. I'm pretty comfortable with all of them and believe that they are with me without the actual pressure of official dating. Perhaps there's friend-zoning going on or perhaps they're just waiting for me to take the next step. I do think that if I did start officially dating any of them that the rest would remain friends.
And who knows, maybe today when I'm grocery shopping someone will bang their cart into mine and true love will be found amidst the produce aisle
On a final note before I get my day under way, the last of the ex-wife's stuff to dispose of is now GONE! A friend of S23 had mentioned that he was interested in the old kitchen island / table thing if the price was right. The deal I had to give it to a local furniture business fell through and rather than put it on the side of the road, S23 and his friend took it yesterday. My front porch is now essentially empty for the first time since forever. If I do start dating someone I have lots of storage space
Tomorrow would have been my 29th anniversary. The day after will be the 30 year anniversary of us meeting set up by a mutual friend. As of yesterday, everything from my former wife that I was going to dispose of is gone. It will be my second date post bomb-day and first one in nearly a year. My professional future is murky but there are bright lights shining here and there. I have a nice home, loving family and great friends. I have a cat purring on my desk beside me occasionally pawing me to be stroked.
I have a feeling that I am on the cusp of great things and have no clue what they are.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Date went very well. CL looked quite fabulous and was pleased when I told her so. We talked and visited until the available time ran out. The restaurant was great and they just kept filling our coffee cups for the couple of hours we were there. I think the staff knew "first date" although we must have looked like a couple when we arrived as they asked if we were celebrating something special.
She did ask pointed questions about what role my own actions played in the end of my marriage and we did talk a fair bit about our different experiences. We also talked about our kids, experiences growing up yadda yadda yadda. She's a very interesting person. She has a lot of strength to her and is very no-nonsense. She doesn't hesitate to tell me what she thinks I should be doing but doesn't seem surprised or bothered when I disagree. I respect that. I think she's being very cautious and careful as she's exploring what she wants to do with her life going forward. What that might include I have no idea and probably she doesn't either.
She did tell me that I needed to burn my copies of Don Quixote but believe that she likes and respects the fact that I am a romantic and have the current of duty and loyalty running deep. It is who I am and I made no apologies for it.
I gave her a kiss on the cheek when we hugged good-bye. She seemed pleased by that.
We're getting together again Tuesday after work. I'm at the plant close to her on both Monday and Tuesday but she actually looked a bit disappointed when she said that Monday was her birthday and so she had other commitments. She's going away with her kids for a week to New York next week so it may be a bit before another date after Tuesday.
One thing that has coincidentally fallen out of this is that our first date now is a good memory on what would have been my anniversary. And her birthday gives me a fresh pleasant memory of someone to replace the anniversary of when my ex and I met.
Even though it is impossible for me to look at this dispassionately, I do find myself also being cautious and careful and not putting any expectations on anything other than spending some time with a smart, opinionated, and beautiful woman.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I did laugh at myself when I was out with her that my hands were actually shaking especially at the beginning. For heaven's sake I'm 54 years old and meet new people all the time. This should not have been such a big deal
I sent her a "happy birthday" message this morning and got a pleasant response after a few hours. I don't think she checks messages a lot and also has kids to deal with. I don't have her actual cell phone number so we communicate via FB Messenger. I signed off with a picture of the plant I'm visiting today.
It was funny when I got home yesterday afternoon. S23 asked how the date went but seemed more interested in when I would have dinner ready as he was planning on going out with friends in the evening and about his birthday which is coming up on Saturday. I think that was a very positive thing.
I did find this morning that I was getting worked up / nervous / excited about seeing her again tomorrow. A big part of this just feels surreal. But is indeed a real thing. I'm doing better now especially as things hit the fan here at the plant and I had to deal with real-world real-time issues. Hydrofluoric acid has a way of catching your attention
I think that part of this is the whole "wow - she's out of my league" thing which I'm sure some of my friends would whack me upside the head for. With all the hours of talking we've done on those two occasions, the fact that she knows my family including extended family, and she's been in my house means that she should have a pretty good idea of who and what I am.
I'm both nervous and looking forward to seeing her again tomorrow afternoon. We'll probably just camp out in a Starbucks for a while before she needs to head home and do adulting things for her kids. We'll coordinate tomorrow morning.
Oh - neffer - bonus points for the Rocinante reference.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Andrew I don't feel as if I know you or your personality like I do others here. I don't connect with your differences. That's not a bad thing - please don't take it that way - we are just different people. However, dude, you have got to relax. It's only a second or third casual date. You are going to scare her away if you don't calm down.
It is amazing when you say how you are 54 and still feeling this way. I swear it never goes away. I was only like 18 or 19 when my 73 year old grandfather started "dating" after my grandmother died, but I remember thinking then, wow he's acting like my friends did in high school. It may never go away but you have to get a handle on this. You need to be confident. She's not out of your league - and you don't want to come across as she is. Yes, you actually found someone who "likes you." Don't let that be a shock to you or a one in a million thing. Don't put her on a pedestal. You have a major infatuation going here and that's not necessarily bad but can be if you let it. Don't be like a kid in a candy store, all gaga that some girl likes you. Get confidence, she's as lucky to be with you as you her and just do from there.
I know this can be hard to do. It gets easier with time and well if you have the independent/avoidant gene that I seem to have fostered. Just be yourself. Shake the nerves. You'll be fine with or without her. Don't hold on for dear life. It's not sexy nor a turn-on for her.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Like many of us perhaps I have few IRL places to process my thoughts - so I come here.
I expect that she would not be surprised that I'm nervous. Heck, she may be processing similar feelings. I'm certainly not clinging to her in any fashion. 2 texts on her birthday in the morning doesn't count as that I would think and very rare communication before that too. Certainly not anywhere on the scale of what I've read others have. She's got two kids to raise, an whacko ex (who doesn't), and a rather complex professional career to deal with. She's driving the cadence and frequency of communication. I've been fortunate that I could adjust things to be available to visit in person right now. It's tricky to do for me logistically right now due to work complications.
I am working on dealing with what for the purpose of argument we could call infatuation. I've written about that a few times - to get it out of me and examine it. It's not a place I want to be because I know that my brain won't be working right then. It's not so much "oh - ah what a wonderful person" but more so being in completely unfamiliar territory after spending more than half my life in a comfortable relationship with one person. In my own mind we're not "officially dating" even as yet.
And yes, I'll be perfectly fine if this ends up in the friend-zone or DOA. If things do heat up, slow and steady and cautious is the path. I've taken in all the advice on-board that I've gotten here and appreciated, especially the early apparent red-flags where people I respect told me to cut and run.
Thanks for stopping by. I appreciate it.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
