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I agree with Coconut and JujuB.

Why are you attracted to this woman? Is it her looks or the fact that she's having some issues of her own and you can relate? Please be careful. You do not want to come across as the Knight saving the damsel in distress. It's okay to talk to this woman, but don't get too deep in the trenches until she's had ample time to go through the divorce process and heal from it. Rebound relationships do not usually work out well and I would hate to see you hurt.

Give her space to get her life together. Right now, she's vulnerable and bouncing all over the place emotionally w/her divorce, etc.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Thanks JujuB and job

I was attracted to this woman when I first met her a couple of years ago at her dad's funeral. I was fresh after BD and she was married. I actually told SIL1 afterwards that I hoped one day to meet a woman as nice as she was.

She was (and is) a thoughtful, kind person with a sense of humour. Yes she is indeed pretty but TBH - that is secondary for me.

You are both right that she's got a lot to process right now and she is very aware of that and is struggling to deal with it. I know that I can't fix things for her and am not going to try. If she does ask for help I will do what I reasonably can. I was in one one-sided relationship for a long time.

I also have a lot of things that I'm trying to deal with right now and not doing the best at it. Work and future related mostly.

We all recognize my inclination to be the Knight of the Rueful Countenance who wants to save his Dulcinea. Oddly though, I've found over the last 2 years, perhaps since I've been mindful of it, that I am finding a needy demanding person who wants me to "fix" things to be unattractive rather than the opposite.

I had been intending to send her a "how are you" note sometime today but she messaged me early this morning referencing a social media post I had made. She did some complaining about some of the practical issues that she's having that I can't do anything about. I made sympathetic noises. Conversation basically died at that point and we got on with our days. I did like the fact that CL made no moves at all in the direction of asking me to assist. She just vented briefly.

Oddly, while she was messaging me, the lady I work with who I am sweet on called asking about some work stuff that she probably would have normally dealt with via email. We had a brief chat. She's quite pleasant and sweet and certainly not dealing with any of the drama that CL is. We may go for a walk together tomorrow schedules and weather permitting.

So - yes - my mind is clearer about CL. We'll see where it goes and I'll let her drive her own bus. I'll drive mine.

I'll keep in semi-regular contact with her but indications are that she's not the chatty / texting sort although in person we did have some fairly deep conversation. Given my currently crazy work schedule with meetings with the take-over transition team it may well be a couple of weeks before we can meet for coffee even.

Originally Posted by doodler
You've come to a forum where everyone has absolutely no clue of how this stuff works and you're asking for advice? whistle
I also recognize my "occasional" tendency to ask for advice and not follow it crazy. But I really do appreciate it. You've all been very kind to give me lots to think about. I think that without you I would have indeed made some poorer choices than I have otherwise.


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Andrew,

There are a lot of rumors flying around down here in southern Trumpistan regarding the tariff discussions with Canada. The rumor is that Canada will become the 51st state. I have no doubt the Canadians are excited about the prospect. What are your thoughts?

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Courtesy of the wandering minstrels known at the time as the Arrogant Worms.

Come back proud canadian's,
To before you had TV.
No hockey night in canada,
There was no CBC.

In 1812 madison was mad,
He was the president you know.
Well he thought he'd tell the british where they ought to go.
He thought he'd invade canada,
He thought that he was tough.
Instead we went to washington,
And burned down all his stuff.

And the white house burned, burned, burned.
And we're the ones that did it,
It burned, burned, burned.
While the president ran and cried,
It burned, burned, burned.
And things were very historical,
And the Americans ran and cried like a bunch of little babies WaWaWa
In the war of 1812.

Those hilbilies from kentucky,
Dressed in green and red.
Left home to fight in canada,
But they returned home dead.
It's the only war the yankies lost except for veitnam.
And also the alomo and the bay of ham.
The looser was america,
The winner was ourselves.
So join right in and gloat about the war of 1812.

And the white house burned, burned, burned.
And we're the ones that did it,
It burned, burned, burned.
While the president ran and cried,
It burned, burned, burned.
And things were very historical,
And the Americans ran and cried like a bunch of little babies WaWaWa
In the war of 1812.

In 1812 we were just sitting around,
Minding our own business,
Putting crops into the ground.
We heard the soilders coming,
And we didn't like that sound.
So we took a boat to washington and burned it to the ground.

Oh we fired our guns but the yankies kept on a coming,
There wasn't quite as many as there was a while ago.
We fired once more and the yankies started running,
Down the mississippi to the gulf of mexico.
They ran through the snow,
And they ran through the forest,
They ran through the bushes where the beavers wouldn't go,
They ran so fast they forgot to take they're culture,
Back to america, and gulf and texico.

So if you go to washington,
It's building clean and nice,
Bring a pack of matches,
And we'll burn the white house twice.

And the white house burned, burned, burned,
But the americans wont admit it.
It burned, burned, burned...
It burned and burned and burned
It burned, burned, burned
I bet that made them mad.
And the Americans ran and cried like a bunch of little babies WaWaWa
In the war of 1812.


On BD
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BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
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Andrew,

Ouch!!! And to think I was just trying to start some fake news on behalf of DB. That'll learn me.

Maybe Cuba could be 51?

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Journaling.

Man-o-man am I exhausted. Physically and mentally.

I'm on a CPAP machine and ever since the corporate split / buy-out was announced my numbers have bee waay up and the amount of actual sleep has gone down.

I was talking to my neighbour yesterday evening who co-incidentally is ex-W's boss and landlord. We did chat for a bit about my worries that my job security isn't. I used my usual joke about having a son and ex-wife to support. He seemed a bit surprised at the last and so I elaborated that I write her a "big honkin' cheque" every month. I'm evil. He may reconsider her heavily subsidized rent perhaps. Not my issue. Not sure if this info will be passed on. They used to be very friendly to at one point me worrying about an at least EA.

Speaking of all things ex-wife, appearances from the tiny tiny bit of intel I have is that more and more she seems to be becoming "normal". Spending time with the few friends she has left, posting things about wanting to travel and about accepting your age and being proud of it. Presumably OM is still in the picture in some fashion but he's pretty obviously not in the centre of the frame.

I was not too shocked when I finally got home from work yesterday that S23 wasn't. "20 something" is still in the area and he's got lots of other friends to hang out with. Just as I heard him at the door while relaxing with a beer I saw his mother's car pull away out of the corner of my eye. They'd gone out clothes shopping, S23 said he got some driving practice in and I presume had dinner together. It's almost as if she's reading here (she might be) and is following through on my wish that she'd spend more time with him and help with the driving practice. I'm a bit curious as to how much intel he passed over as he's a known information leak (not that I have anything to hide) presuming that she asked including that I had CL as an overnight guest. Finding out from the info that S23 has exactly who CL is and what she looks like would not be hard. S23 as usual spared my feelings by not mentioning who he was with.

I had a nice walk with a lovely lady from work (WL?) yesterday. I don't know if other colleagues have noticed the increasing amount of time we are spending together. There are lots of windows in the office and considering that she has very dark black skin and I dress fairly distinctively we would stand out to say the least as we're walking around visiting. We had a very nice time - the walking pace was a bit more brisk tha my usual - and chatted about this and that. I sent her a thank-you note ('cuz I'm old school like that) and she seems keen on doing it yet again.

Busy day ahead of me today but thankfully many fewer meetings. Fish and chips lunch with a good Muslim friend (we joke that we're being good Catholic boys) and then dinner with another good friend. She describes me as "the best boss I ever had" which is quite flattering. She was the first person to lift me up when everything blew up and I am forever grateful to her. She could perhaps have "taken advantage" if she'd wanted to but didn't. I get occasional vibes from her and laugh because when we are out it's assumed that we're a long-married couple. She would maybe have been interested in a FWB thing but I'm not.

I really shouldn't be stressing about the work thing so much. It's tough to not have someone here when I could really use someone now to help support me emotionally through all this. I've been assured that I do have job security and have good relationships with both of the remaining company presidents who I have worked with for 15 years from when they were both in more junior postions. In the meetings with the buy-out company it's very obvious that I'm the only one on our side of the table who has a stem to stern understanding of the business and from what I've heard they've had good reports on me from elsewhere including an unexpected tour that they had separate from the regular meetings to review work that I've done on production and fleet scheduling which they kept commenting on how nice it looked.

I've learned though to trust nothing. Hoping and wishing doesn't work either. Especially in the last 2 years the futility of that is plain to me.

CL and I did have a really good talk about my options when she was visiting. She has some familiarity with my industry but not a lot but she's smart and has been around the block a few times being an Operations manager. It will be at least another week before I can get a chance to visit with her. The upcoming long weekend has been booked. Looking after my 2 year old nephew on Saturday and overnight (did I say I was exhausted?). Visting SIL1 on Sunday and her sister who has flown in from Calgary for a couple of weeks and who has said that she'd be happy to have a visit with me too. Monday cleaning and laundry and stuff. Tuesday I'm out in Colborne visiting our plastics resin plant, Wednesday home with vet and optometrist appointments (my vision has been getting blurrier in the last couple of years). Thursday and Friday more meetings with the buy-out company probably. I'm supposed to be spending time at the sulphur plant which is geographically close to both me and CL which would make a visit easy but can't squeeze that into my calendar.

Ah well - time to get going. I have a call with D25 planned for my morning commute and I'm already running late because of typing this. Posting without the usual proof-reading. I'm sure I can be forgiven.

It's FRIIIIDAAAAAYYYY!


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Hi, Andrew. I“m following you from the beginning. Maybe it is my first time writing to you. It is always a pleasure to read your posts. Your long journey sets an example of patience and commiment. You have all my respect.


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Aw - thanks Neffer. Yes, I do remember you. I think we've written back and forth once or twice over the years.

Thanks for stopping by and the kind words.


On BD
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D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
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Journaling / random nonsense sort of stuff.

Stealing this
Originally Posted by Dawn70
Rain is a good thing
We've had some very welcome rain in the last few weeks. The forest fires up by Parry Sound seem to be persisting but with the rain and heat we've had you almost have to jump back as the corn is shooting up. The hay crop has been hurting and this is perhaps too late for a lot of that. People adapt.

I am currently very exhausted but not surprised at that. My youngest brother and his wife asked me to look after their 2-year old son overnight yesterday / today while they floated down the River with friends. I hadn't realized that this was his very first overnight with anyone. He's a great kid with bright red hair and an impish grin. I've looked after him a couple of times but never for this long. He'll turn on the water-works to get his own way, but Uncle AP has seen that story before. I do firmly believe though that a crying child should always be held even if what they are crying about is that they haven't gotten their own way. I got him to bed more or less on time but after a few hours he was fussing and I spent the next 3 hours cuddling him. According to my CPAP machine I got a bit over 2 hours of sleep last night.

One good thing is that S23 is very good with and loves small children so he was able to help carry the load a bit yesterday and I actually got stuff done around the house. I was a bit concerned because one of the two cats vanished but since with my nephew in the house we were "locked down" more than usual I was unsurprised that she spent the better part of a day in S23's room and had not escaped.

Since I had a toddler in my custody I did choose to make use of him. At the flower shop I did mention to the lady who works there that she was looking very nice and her hard work was obvious. I did comment about the fact that in some ways that I could lose another 50lbs and she told me that I shouldn't become a "bone-rack". She did seem rather flattered by my comments which in hind-sight were perhaps a bit over the top. Let's blame the toddler.

Today after my nephew was picked up I drove up to see SIL1 and her sister (who I danced with at my brother's wedding as best-man / maid of honour). SIL/Sister gave me a huge hug and was happy to see me but for some obscure(ish) reason was wearing a wedding ring. I'm pretty sure she's divorced and has been longer than me. There was a family reunion happening there which was more substantial than I expected. I swung through, basic introductions and swung out. I did make a point of talking to SIL/Sister's father who is in his 90s and was very happy to see me and who is a man that I quite like and respect. No telling what conversations are happening in the background. The hug was pretty much a quiet off-book thing as I didn't get one when leaving and there were lots of people around. KML would be happy that I paid attention to her elbows which were certainly age appropriate. She's had a bit of a rough ride of things lately and I believe her divorce was rough. She lives in Calgary but is spending the next few months here in Ontario having recently retired and of course her concerns about her father.

I've decided that tomorrow I'll message CL and suggest that we get together for brunch after (her) church next Sunday. My schedule is nuts and doesn't put me in her geography for work any time soon reliably (plan A). In my message I do want to let her know that I think that she has many stories to tell that I had no idea about before. She has some sort of connection to music (which is important to me) that is vague and undefined. I am still also holding her folding chair hostage.

It's funny in some ways that outside of OLD that some of us think that there aren't people out there. And I haven't even talked about the couple of nice ladies that I know through work here. Perhaps it's different for guys - I don't really know. For me, I'm not playing them one off against the other which is crass, but rather the first one who manages to give me that splendid kiss will probably "win".

For the first time in memory there is no "Sunday Supper" tonight. S23 did his own thing earlier so I have a nice sirloin steak broiled. The "girls" are glorying in a now toddler free house.

A bien tot mes amis.


On BD
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T27, M26
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D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
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Huzzah! I have a date for next Sunday.

CL and I are getting together for brunch. I had asked her to suggest a place but she put that back on me saying that she had too many decisions and choices to make right now and just couldn't deal. She has a couple of hours between regular church services and a BBQ for her choir group. She's certainly out of practice apologizing for the short window.

I really think that she's struggling a lot but feel good that I have no urge to "rescue". She is a very capable woman who just needs to get her feet under her. And I think that I'm in a place where I can give her the time and space to do that.

I think that this works for a first date. Constrained by other commitments means that we can have a nice visit and see how things go.

I'm figuring on a mid-range place. Somewhere that has good coffee and a good kitchen. Perhaps one that takes reservations to ensure that we get a seat. Need to do some research. It's been 35 years since I spent much time in the city she lives in and back then I was a broke university student.

Even though it's a bit of a grey area here to mention things outside MWD, I came across a fabulous Ted talk by a guy named Guy Winch on broken hearts. Job - feel free to remove the reference if not allowed.

It really made me think. So much of what he says is right on the money.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
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