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AndrewP Offline OP
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I miss boobs.


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I suspect not for long, some lucky lady will allow you to indulge soon.

Besides I think it's possible to buy those bits from eBay, they are usually inflatable. I think you can even buy vibrating ones.

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Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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Originally Posted By: Vanilla
A gorgeous lad like Andrew should date a lot.
LOL - I'm not sure if you are one of the people that have found my IRL profile. I am indeed the world's worst hide and seek player. Not sure gorgeous is the right word blush . "Still has his own hair and teeth" maybe wink

Originally Posted By: Vanilla
Besides I think it's possible to buy those bits from eBay, they are usually inflatable. I think you can even buy vibrating ones.
I've seen some of the horrifying robotic options being experimented with.

The village pub posted that they are considering having "singles nights". No details are available. The owner was widowed late last year. Her son and mine are quite good friends. Perhaps she's doing the "if the mountain doesn't come to Mohammed" although it may be a bit early for her. A colleague of mine who was widowed at around the same time and was an absolute wreck seems to be doing better. Still wears her wedding ring but is much more functional. We all process grief differently.

On Friday I said goodbye to a co-worker - one who I was somewhat sweet on and perhaps the feeling was mutual. I've connected to her on social media and she does indeed look very high maintenance. She's moving to West Palm Beach where a very attractive and outgoing lady like her is undoubtedly going to find someone suitable if that is her wish.

I'm still processing the implications of the changes coming up at work. With 75% of the company being sold there's a substantial risk of me being "rightsized" after the transition is complete. I've had some long conversations with my "work daughter" on whether it would be a good choice for either of us to try to go to the new owners on that side of the wall. They are a large German multi-national. One of the top 2 in the industrial chemical business in the world. From what I've been able to gather they aren't a great place to work.

The pros of me staying include:
- I have a good working relationship with the two presidents of the remaining divisions and have had for years. Much better than any of my colleagues.
- Stability
- My pension
- Being able to date my former co-workers without conflict of interest

Cons:
- Still working and probably more closely with my idiot boss who I really don't like. He thinks we're "buddies" though.
- Poor opportunities for professional growth
- Poor work/life balance with my killer 160km each way commute increasing to 170 roughly and through worse traffic
- Risk of downsizing

For my work-daughter and I, we would have more chances for promotion and also get experience with more marketable tech than what she has now if we switch.

I'm thinking of reaching out to a former colleague who now is a director at a software company based out of Manhattan. He works mostly locally but spends a week or so each month at corporate. I'm not a big fan of corporate travel liking to not have to get dressed up to eat breakfast.

I have about 2 months to decide if I want to switch to the German multi-national. I figure that I have at a minimum 6-8 months of job security if I stay. If I do get tossed to the curb unexpectedly I can reasonably expect nearly 1 year's of severance. However in my profession in tech you have a stronger position I feel if you have a job than if you don't.

I've talked this through with a few people including S23. None of them really have anything definitive to suggest.

Not too much else happening. My roof is almost finished. I'm not real happy with the work but it is what it is. The guy was by yesterday morning and indicated that he would be done in an hour or so so I gave him his cheque then. He asked for an extra $100 because he said some of the trim cost more than expected so I did that. I know well how freelancers live on tight margins and I figured that by not being a d@ck that he would finish the job as well as he could. There is only one piece of soffit to go and some trim. I can then put up the door frame and will eventually put up some railing. I'm trying to decide what / if I could put on top of the bitumen to make it usable as a place to sit. I have no idea at present. I wasn't able to sit out there on the former steel roof either so I'm not losing anything.

The bake shop around the corner did up "butter-tart cupcakes" and they were divine. Kind of like a coffee-cake in texture. I brought one home for S23 and he quite enjoyed it as well.

I haven't heard anything much about my ex in the last while. I did have a bit of a LOL when I heard that she posted a copy/paste thing from one of her new friends that went on in detail about not trusting people who lie or cheat. I suppose she has her own narrative about how she ended up as she is. Perhaps she even believes it. I did check out this other person's profile and they have a consistent theme about problems with liars. The truth will perhaps out at some time. Or perhaps not. My family is very well known in the area though and the first question anyone would be asked is "are you related to ..."

I think that I'm getting really close to starting to date. Perhaps I might ask out the lady from the flower shop again. When I first asked her out 18 months ago she first said yes but then backed off because "her life was too complicated". I've been a lurker on the plenty of fish and match.com sites for a long while. There's quite a mix of people there. I pay special attention to the profile comments from ladies about things they don't like on guy's profiles.

Well - it's a lovely day outside so I should go out and take part in it.

Have a lovely Sunday everyone.

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Quote:
I miss boobs.


Lol. I was just explaining to Don on my thread all the qualities that made me a great catch for CMM but forgot to include BOOBS. 36DDD !

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Trudging along.

I'm posting today because I had yet another disturbing dream last night. In this one I'd reverted back to the bargaining stage with my ex. As often happens, super realistic but I did know it to not be real in this case.

I had been waffling towards enabling my POF profile. There's a lady on there who's been there for a while. She changed her profile a while ago - less sexy photos, and a very simple message that she was looking for someone and she would KNOW when she found him. Perhaps that's what triggered the dream. Maybe it's me she's looking for. Dunno. I'm still reluctant to put myself on the open market. Things would then move at a speed that I am not currently comfortable with. Meeting people naturally and getting to know them is much more my speed.

I do have no insight into my ex's life at all beyond what I occasionally hear which is no real change in the last couple of years. I am grateful that she doesn't circle around or try to triangulate me in any way.

Another one of her old friends has reached out to me on Facebook in a semi-random way. No messages, just a friend request. I doubt that this particular person would be doing it at the behest of my ex although I'm confident that she has someone watching. I could be wrong though too. I've nothing to hide. I do think though that until she has someone permanently in her life that she'll keep thinking of me as a plan B. Indications are that OM is carefully keeping her at arms length but again I have so little information that I don't know that for sure. I've not checked for a while but expect that she's still living in her apartment and not with him. Given how needy she was for validation and companionship for our entire marriage I can't see her being happy about that. I did get the impression that she didn't want the divorce although she did file for it. I think she was carried along by other forces including her lawyer who wrote into the agreement that she would file based on my request and not her client's.

The changes in S23's manner and behaviour have solidified. He's acting much less entitled and is more considerate. This may sound trivial but it's worth mentioning. I was late making dinner for myself last night (creamy tomato soup and grilled cheese - a favourite comfort food my ex used to make) and S23 and I had to work around each other's need for the stove. As usual after I ate I did up what dishes there were asking him for any he might have. He assured me that the one he was using that he would wash it later (he made himself chicken caesar salad) as he knows that I like having a clean counter. This morning it was indeed washed (and left in the drying rack). I was very pleased with that much. Usually he would just either leave the dirty dishes in his room or on the counter.

It's little things like this, consistently seen that are pleasing me.

He's also more open to helping me around the house, giving me his opinions on things, asking about my day and telling me about his etc.

He's still not put much effort into driving practice. I wish his mother were available to assist. I suppose I could ask but I won't. I could also nag / suggest more but if it's something he wants then he needs to put in the effort.

My roof is finally done and the contractor has cashed his cheque. I'm not happy with how I did the door sill and S23 and I stared at it for a while but had no ideas on how to improve it. I believe I have the door frame trimmed to the right width for the aluminum door to go back in. The trim all needs to be painted and I picked up a can of paint last weekend. I was pleased with myself yesterday because "before" I pulled out the construction adhesive I changed into "work clothes". My ex used to refer to them as my "snotty" clothes in a joking manner because the lumps of dried adhesive and paint looked like ... you know. One change I made since bomb-day is that I do try to clean up and dress well every day even if it's just me and the cats so don't wear those old work clothes as much. I had been tempted to not change but could hear my ex nagging at me in my head to not ruin yet another shirt. And then I made my own choice to change. "He can be taught!"

Had my doctor's appt yesterday morning to review the biopsy results from my colonoscopy. All clear. I do have a condition called diverticulitis which only means that I need to be somewhat careful about what I eat. As always there's the close questioning about whether I have diabetes. Even with all the weight that I've lost I'm still a larger than the average bear kinda guy. I don't but because I mentioned that I have blurry vision first thing in the morning he's asked me to go see my optometrist so that appointment has been made. The optometrist has mentioned in the past that he's seen signs of either diabetes or high blood pressure in my eyes. And I certainly have had the latter.

I did write late yesterday to my old friend who works out of Manhattan asking for some guidance on my job search. I need to put some effort into that. I'm still confident that I have job security for at least a number of months though. I also think that if push came to shove that S23 would help out with the bills.

Anyhoodles. I should get back to work. I'm working from home again today and my cat Amy has been very needy. She's currently laying across my arm kneading her paws in the air. Cats and touch-screens don't mix it would seem but I don't have the heart to shut her out of the office. I think she's been having her own version of "the lonely" lately. I expect the girls don't even remember my ex any more though and all the hours they used to all spend curled up on the couch watching TV together.


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BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
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Originally Posted By: AndrewP
I'm posting today because I had yet another disturbing dream last night. In this one I'd reverted back to the bargaining stage with my ex. As often happens, super realistic but I did know it to not be real in this case.


Hey man, that wasn't your XW, it was me, the doodler guy. Little blue dress, sexy legs and a feather boa, right? Yep, that was me.


Originally Posted By: AndrewP
Meeting people naturally and getting to know them is much more my speed.


I love technology, and after my divorce I dived right into OLD. I was thinking how much better it would be than the old fashioned approach. I was so wrong.

Part of my issue with dating is that my life is very good right now and I'm very busy. I'm a bit fearful that I'll booger things up by dating. I don't want to get caught up in drama and I certain don't to shackle myself emotionally. I like the idea of meeting someone casually and letting things grow from there. What if it never happens? No big deal, there's a world of adventure out there and I plan to take advantage of it.

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Originally Posted By: doodler
Hey man, that wasn't your XW, it was me, the doodler guy. Little blue dress, sexy legs and a feather boa, right? Yep, that was me.
LOL - No. Short, fat with grey hair wearing comfortable PJs. Her legs were anything but sexy. Huge varicose veins not to mention cellulite. She did have a charming smile and could be very engaging until the conversation wasn't about her.

Originally Posted By: doodler
I like the idea of meeting someone casually and letting things grow from there. What if it never happens? No big deal, there's a world of adventure out there and I plan to take advantage of it.
Indeed. I did send a one-line message to the former bank teller asking if she had subjected her sons to juiced chicken (yes it is a thing it would seem). Got a nice response back today earlier. I mentioned that I missed seeing her and "don't be a stranger" then shut it down 'cuz we both had work to do. If she is interested she'll remember that she did promise me fresh baking in exchange for said juicer and reach out. Otherwise - well - she is a lovely person and I enjoyed interacting with her for the last 2 years.


On BD
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S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
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Hmmm - I think I might have had a lunch date today.

I have a busy-body dear friend and colleague at work who has been explaining to me for almost 2 years, often accompanied by some swear words in English, Hindi and Urdu that I really need a woman in my life.

I had noticed in recent months that he had been often in the company of the women I work with who he knows that I am fond of. When I'm around legitimate business seems to be being conducted but the pretext sometimes seems thin.

Last week he had arranged that he and I would go out for lunch at a sandwich place he recently discovered and then had invited along one of the ladies on the list. We went out today and had a lovely time. As part of "showing trust", just being helpful, and since I was in the back seat, I started up the navigation to the cafe on my phone and casually handed it to my female colleague to do the actual navigation. I've actually done this with other women I've encountered. Handing over my phone to the bank teller lady to browse pictures of my vacation, showing pictures to the lady I had my single semi-official date with last October and then leaving the phone on the table while I went to the loo. Not sure if this is noticed as significant in showing "trust / trustworthiness" but for those of us who had former partners with secrets I think it is a good indicator.

Lunch was good. We all ordered the same thing to the amusement of the staff. We three chatted a fair bit about the implications of the corporate changes and our options. The female portion of our party wasn't very chatty but seemed to be enjoying herself. The busy-body portion of our part dropped comments several times that I needed to have someone in my life which the other two of us ignored.

After I made a point of stopping by my female colleague's desk and chatting briefly and mentioning how much I enjoyed lunch and hoping we would do it again soon. Talked about our plans for the weekend. She seemed happy to chat but didn't have much to say. I did suggest that she had lots of stories to tell and I'm sure she does.

Certainly not nearly as exciting as Ginger's dates and perhaps just my imagination that it "was" a date, but a good day and perhaps the start of something good. And perhaps not.


On BD
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Journaling

Busy and very expensive weekend. Car service in the morning. S23 unusually wanted to run errands with me probably because he'd run out of beer. I had nudged him to stay in the car as it was raining (only a tiny bit) when I went in to get my roses. It may or may not be my imagination but the lady at the flower shop seems to be getting prettier in the last few weeks. I think she's lightened her already blonde hair. If S23 hadn't been there I might have remarked on how nice she looked. I do think that I am indeed getting really close to actual dating or at least asking for dates.

I had suggested to S23 that he accompany me for the afternoon errands which involved travels on back roads so that he could practice driving but he declined. The mechanic mentioned that the clutch "felt funny" so I got an estimate for repairs and also talked to my salesman. It's looking like getting the car through the winter even though I will need to invest in new tires might be in my best interest. If S23 keeps dithering on getting his license that may all work out for me.

The afternoon errands involved quilt shopping. My neighbour who had suggested that she could make me a new quilt for roughly $700 recommended that I go to this shop in the middle of nowhere run by an Amish family. They are mainly a fabric store but make some quilts to sell as well. I think it was unusual for a single man to show up in the shop but the very knowledgeable lady helped me out and also left me alone very appropriately as I checked the available quilts. We did talk about the fact that I had kept my grandmother's quilt for 30 years, I asked about fabric (straight cotton). I think I got some respect by mentioning that for example white didn't suit because it would be harder to care for and talked about the challenges in keeping an old quilt in repair especially since my talents don't run towards fine needle-work. Eventually I settled on one particular one. After looking at it for a while it essentially jumped off the rack and wrapped itself around me. It's cream coloured with the "Country bride" pattern on it. The quilting is quite detailed and lovely. The contrasting colours are blue and it has scalloped edges. It looks fabulous on my bed and I had a very nice sleep under it last night. Even though I'd not planned on spending this money until later in August or September it was within budget and I can shuffle things around.

I was a bit surprised when driving home with it on the passenger seat that I did get a bit misty eyed. Some of my acquaintances wonder at me making such a fuss over a quilt but for me, this is a really big thing. I did smile when as I was paying one of the little girls was told to run in to the house and tell her aunt that the quilt had been sold. It was perhaps a big deal for them too. I sent a note to my neighbour after I got home and she seemed pleased that I had found something I loved at the shop she recommended.

Vanilla's recent post about her needing to practice flirting made me smile. When I first came here lots of people formed impressions of me that were perhaps inaccurate. I remember Jack_Three_Beans telling me to go out to dinner and instructing me to flirt with the waitress. I've also been called controlling and abusive and "just like my ex" and other things that just made me shake my head but that's another tale. Surprisingly for a natural introvert I am indeed a bit of a flirt. I hope when married that it had the impression of just being friendly. I never made any inappropriate suggestions but now that I'm single the rules are different. Part of yesterday's errands included going to the local art show. Lots of nice pieces there and I chatted with a few of the artists / exhibitors. I had set myself a modest budget of $40. You never know what you will find and I found some lovely cuff-links for $35. The rather pretty and helpful artist offered to put them into a bag but I assured her that I could manage without. I did ask her that since I didn't have a bag whether she would tackle me for shoplifting and she assured me that she wouldn't. I responded with a smile "not even if I ask nicely?" and we had a nice laugh. I suggested she wait until I was 20 feet from the exit before tackling. She didn't to the surprise of neither of us.

I did get a response to my email to my old friend who works in Manhattan. He said that his team was all much more junior and cheaper than me but gave me some encouragement and valuable pointers. I'll send him a thank-you note later today after going over his letter again. I need to make some hard decisions about work and also some changes that the company is wanting to make to my pension. I've asked my kids to help me with that but I think they are uncomfortable with the task.

Busy day today. I got the notification that my ex has cashed this month's support payment this morning so that's done. My first load of laundry is ready to hang on the line now. I have a rather large pork loin in the slow cooker for dinner. I might get some painting done and perhaps the door re-hung on the balcony. Grass cutting and other yard work etc etc etc. I hope to fit in a walk or perhaps a more ambitious hike. A man's work is never done ... It would be nice to have someone to share all this with - both the work and the Joy. I quite miss much of what I had with my ex for all those years. I will never have that relationship again and there were a number of dis-functional bits but being able to look up into another person's eyes and smile is a big hole in my life right now.

Have a joyous Sunday all!


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
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Originally Posted by AndrewP


I was a bit surprised when driving home with it on the passenger seat that I did get a bit misty eyed. Some of my acquaintances wonder at me making such a fuss over a quilt but for me, this is a really big thing. I did smile when as I was paying one of the little girls was told to run in to the house and tell her aunt that the quilt had been sold. It was perhaps a big deal for them too. I sent a note to my neighbour after I got home and she seemed pleased that I had found something I loved at the shop she recommended.



I have a quilt that my grandmother made for me for my birthday when I was 10. She actually gave me all the quilt blocks and taught me how to piece them together, then she took them and put the binding on them and actually quilted them. A few years ago, my aunt (dad's oldest sister) gave me a beautiful quilt that she and my grandmother had made together. I love quilts, but more importantly, the stories that go with them.


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
6 grandkids
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