Male pedicures and offering to do YOUR toe nails? I mean, I'm no macho alpha male, but count me the hell out! smile Still, you seem to find that endearing. Reason #287 why I don't understand women. LOL
Actually I'm not into pedicures myself and did find it a little odd (although he does have an old low back injury and it's possible that doing his own is a little difficult). I never would have dreamt of having a guy paint my nails but crazy ex-boyfriend offered to do it and it was kinda convenient - he could do a better job than I do. Still it took some getting used to.
My youngest son IS the one on buprenorphine. And his meltdown last night was a bit reminiscent of earlier times when he was withdrawing. Truth be told, he had taken a friend in for two weeks and was helping him kick (I didn't know this until a few days in). I confirmed my suspicion last night that he had cut his buprenorphine down to 4 mg (prescribed 8 mg) and was sharing the rest to help his friend get clean. He insists he's fine on 4 mg but I can't help but believe some of his outburst last night is because he's not taking enough. His depression is still bad too and spending two weeks cooped up with his friend certainly didn't help, although I admire his altruistic impulse.
Ugggggg, yeah this stuff happens. That said, 4 mg should actually be fine for him so long as he is getting good absorption when he takes them. The thing is, going directly from 8 to 4 could be a causing some minor withdraws. Most people stabilize after three or four days. The peak threshold for most people actually is around 4 mg. It might not hold him well for 24-hours though and if that is the case, split dosing around 12 hours apart usually helps with this - taking 2 mg in the morning and 2 at night.
Bup is actually much, much, stronger than was first thought and most patients believe. I hear these stories of people on 24 or even 32 mg a day and it's just being wasted. It's doing nothing other than they THINK it is. Truth is they would feel exactly the same on 8 mg. When tapering lower, people typically really start to feel the difference when getting to 3 and for certain 2 mg. From there, going very slowly with small drops is the way to taper off. We recommend going all the way down to 0.25 mg if not 0.125 and then stopping.
While I would rather see his friend getting treated from a physician, you may want to tell him he will still feel pretty crappy if he tries to stop at 4 mg. He really should get himself down to 1 mg at least with a quick taper. The problem is, withdraws are only the start of recovery. So many think if they can just get clean and clear of the drugs and out of withdraws their nightmare will be over. Sadly they quickly find themselves right back where they started. This is again why addicts should be on medication for at least a year or until their brains are fully developed (about age 27), and they have done all of the other work necessary to recovery. Quick detoxes just don't often work.
Very glad to hear your son is still on Bup. and still doing relatively well.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
I don't think he had suddenly gone down to 4 mg, I think he had weaned himself down but probably hadn't gone a whole 2 weeks without taking a little extra. Also he has an ear infection that was hurting AND hadn't eaten anything (he always insists low blood sugar doesn't affect his mood but we all know that's BS).
His friend actually has been in twelve step programs and had a sponsor before so he's not completely without support. My son's biggest issue is his terrible depression and anxiety but he refuses to try any more antidepressants because he hasn't done well with them but insists that none of the supplements I give him help (although his meltdown last night was after being out of them for a week and a half so there's that.)
And it's a self-fulfilling prophecy, nothing can ever help him with his depression because nothing ever has so far as he's concerned. I'd like to have him try transcranial magnetic stimulation but insurance won't cover it unless he's failed several antidepressants and it costs upward of $10,000.
Depression just so totally stinks! It's just so common for many addicts to have a dual diagnosis, with depression being high on that list as well. It's a great part of the reason that they self medicate with drugs in the first place - in hopes of just feeling normal. I had hoped that the Bup. might help as I've heard from many people that it does help with their depression. There are actually some that would like to try Bup. as a treatment for depression with those who have failed traditional therapy.
I don't know anything about TMS so can't really comment. For certain, it often takes a trial of a bunch of different medications, or combinations of different medications, until patients find something that actually works for them. It's too bad he is not willing to give that a shot. Still, I feel for him having to live everyday with depression.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
My best friend is widowed. She found twelve step programs when she was in her twenties and in a relationship with a boyfriend who was an alcoholic - Alanon was very helpful for her.
Her husband was in a nursing home with dementia for a few years before he died. During that time she fell prey to a romance with a guy who actually was in a 20 year relationship with a woman. She disentangled herself from that but struggled to give up the fantasy so started attending SLAA meetings for her Love Addict tendencies. She's struggled since then with a crush on an unavailable guy and a brief dating relationship with a guy who wasn't right for her (but still took her a while to get over even though she enddd it).
That's all good - she clearly benefits from SLAA and clearly has some issues around relationships.
The only problem I have is that she keeps bugging me to go with her! I most definitely am NOT a Love Addict. Nor am I codependent in any way. I may have been snowed by crazy ex boyfriend but even in the context of all that craziness, he actually treated ME well. I am in no way pining after him, was just storing his things for him so that he wouldn't lose everything, and currently working on getting to where he can put them in storage without it costing me money. He's a mess but he's still a human being and me having some compassion for him is not the same as codependence.
She went to a conference today and is all excited about the information she got, about how scary online dating is and about making a "dating plan". That's good for her - she needs it. She's the one who has unprotected sex, who has gotten involved with s guy who was as good as married, who has an obsession with semi- famous people and can't just go out with an ordinary guy who actually makes s living and isn't a starving artist!
But I don't NEED her help. I have not had any difficulty finding dates that I can connect with. I'm still good friends with most of my post divorce dates and have few regrets. Even the crazy bipolar ex boyfriend gave me a gift of feeling what it was like to be adored. I'm more comfortable in my own skin than ever and after a year of not dating (except for my friendly visits with Old Love Avoidant Friend ( which I don't count as real dating) I feel ready to date again. She may be afraid of online dating but it's been good to me. And unlike her, I always practice safe sex and I don't let the oxytocin of sex cause me to get attached to someone who turns out to be a mistake (which she does).
I'm not interested and I've told her so but she still keeps pushing. Meanwhile her plan for romance in her life right now is waiting for god to put him in her life. That's fine for her (although it seems like a path to being single the rest of her life, but whatever). I just don't need her telling ME that I need a dating plan and some arbitrary schedule of events in dating. I'm taking my time with CMM but don't actually have regrets about those guys that I HAVE jumped into bed with. Her problems in relationships are not mine. Nor are her fears.
Had a nice day with CMM today. He took me to a driving range to teach me to play golf. (Mind you, the only golfing I've ever done involves a windmill lol). He's a good teacher, it was fun and a great triceps workout.
Ironically, here I thought I was finally dating a guy who was a little older than me. His OkC profile said 59 but I usually assume if their age ends in 9 that they are lying to squeeze into a younger decade, and google said he was 64. Found out today that he is really 59 - he lied about his age as a teen to get into the military and that lie follows him around even today lol. So I'm STILL dating a younger man! He meanwhile cannot believe I am really the age I am, which is a nice compliment.
It also explains something I had wondered about - if he' had been 64 he would have been lying to get into the military during the draft for the Vietnam War - something that didn't happen much at that time. But if he's 59 the draft ended a couple years before he lied at 16 to enlist, and the war would have just been ending. That makes more sense.
Also found out a little more about his marriage. I asked if he had ever considered reconciling with his wife (he's been divorced for 4 or 5 years).
He said he thought about trying for a second, until he learned that she had raided their girl's' college savings accounts while they were married. I asked what she had spent it on; he said he wasn't sure but one of his daughters once said she thought her mom had bought her (mom's) boyfriend a truck!
Sounds like she may not have been faithful in the marriage but he was. In fact, he hasn't slept with anyone since his divorce (but he's quite keen to sleep with me!) . That feels like a lot of responsibility - I think he's a nice guy and definitely worth getting to know better, but not an instant attraction on my part (to be fair, in the past that has usually led me into relationships with Live Avoidants so it is not necessarily a trustworthy indicator).
