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kml Offline
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Ahhh...the ex jewelry question.

My ex gave me some small emerald earrings our last Xmas together (when we knew he would be leaving). I never could wear those "guilt" earrings, gave them away to an acquaintance.

Luckily most of the rest of my jewelry was not expensive. I do have a gold bracelet I might melt down for some other purpose someday. All the costume stuff I got rid of.

The crazy ex boyfriend did give me a couple of pieces of costume jewelry that I like and will continue to wear, although I don't wear them much right now because I don't want to be reminded.

Others here have had stones reset.

kml #2796062 06/14/18 10:50 PM
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focus22 Offline OP
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I have a guilt present too...but not jewellery. I use it all the time as it benefits me (as in, it's good for my physical self).

I was going to buy myself it anyway and had saved up all the money for it. And then XH bought me it. It was the most expensive gift he ever bought me.

He also bought my an iPad, which I still use as it's super handy for my work.

At the other end of the scale, I had some very weird, super rubbish Christmas presents from XMIL. I think it's from the time when XH seriously started to devalue me, and she must have picked up on it.

Anyway, she gave me a packet of bobby pins. Not fancy ones with nice rhinestone jewels or anything, just your normal, everyday ones. I think the packet was from the 80s as it was really old.

And she also gave me some tea bags that year. Not a fancy brand in a nice box, just bog standard supermarket ones.

I'm not particularly materialistic, and I'm really more about the thought. I'da been happy with a book, or some sparkly hair pins from them and leave it at that. But I remember feeling pretty confused and insulted when I unwrapped the hairpins and then the box of teabags. To make it worse, there were other ex un laws around as I unwrapped them.

She must have felt a bit guilty about it, as the next year I got a beautiful cashmere jumper from them. It was way too small for me at the time, so I just put it in my wardrobe. Glad I kept it, as it's a lovely fit now, very classic. A gorgeous cashmere as well, very thick.

I've never had jewellery like emeralds, rubies or diamonds as a gift. It was more along the lines of silver and gemstones or pearls. Lovely pieces though, but not really worth resetting.


Me: 48, XH: 42
T: 18 years, M: 15 years

EA/PA 1: 6/2012
EA/PA 2: from autumn 2012-present

BD: 5/2013
ILYBNILWY BD & left: 10/2015

OW conceived: 8/2016
Born: 4/2017

H filed: 7/2017
D final: 28/12/2017
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,855
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I got a handwarmer, some huge purple socks and a Frank Sinartra CD (unwrapped).

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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focus22 Offline OP
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I can almost laugh about it now V.

I'm almost at the end of my work with this contract.

I've found it quite tiring and I've had lots of dreams that were very obviously about processing things (because of the company I'm working for at the movement, and the very strong links they had with XH).

But I'm almost at the end. Just another couple of days now, and I'm very settled in and know what I'm doing with the work.

I finally ordered a new sofa bed. The one that I had, I had had as a W present. It had started to break while we were still M, and finally broken maybe a bit before BD? Lol...what a metaphor!!

I remember being pretty angry with XH one time, as early on in our M, when the sofa bed was still quite new, he had fallen asleep on the sofa bed with a large glass of red wine in his hand and it had spilt all over it I had got up for work the next morning to find him still asleep there and the big patch of spilt red wine dried into the new ivory sofa bed. I tried to wake him up, but obviously nothing was waking him up. And when he eventually did come round it was like he wasn't that bothered about what he'd done.

He did that a lot, from the very beginning...stayed up way after I'd gone to bed, until 3 or 4 in the morning, watching the TV. More often than not, he'd fall asleep on the sofa and I'd find him there when I woke up the next morning.

It made me feel very lonely. I remember asking him a number of times if he would come to bed with me and we could chat and read together and fall asleep together as well. It maybe only happened a third of the time in our M? Only really when he had to get up for work in the mornings (which wasn't all the time, maybe for occasional stretches of a few weeks at a time).

I also remember XH's dad spilling a large glass of red wine on a very beautiful skirt I had: a floor length, bias cut, heavy satin, pale shell coloured skirt. Nothing from him, not even an apology or an offer to have it dry cleaned. I was really shocked. I would have been mortified if I had done that to someone. Anyway, obviously runs in the family.

Well, you could sit on a bit of the sofa bed, but couldn't really sit two people on it any more, or stretch out and relax on it. I hadn't really noticed last year as I was working so flipping hard I wasn't really home much. When I did get home late at night, I'd have a bath and go to bed. And then I'd be up early the next morning to head out the house and start all over again.

I had been looking for a sofa bed, minimal and clean looking, without arm rests at the end, quite small as my living room is very small, and a light neutral colour like stone or grey. Not too expensive either. Quite specific!

I found one. At first I wasn't totally sure about the brand. They didn't have any stores near me I could go and check out. And then I was at a work colleague's house and her daughter had a sofa by the same brand. It was so well designed and built that it made my mind up. I can return it as well, just as an extra layer security, but I'm pretty sure that it'll be very nice. It's arriving in October.


Me: 48, XH: 42
T: 18 years, M: 15 years

EA/PA 1: 6/2012
EA/PA 2: from autumn 2012-present

BD: 5/2013
ILYBNILWY BD & left: 10/2015

OW conceived: 8/2016
Born: 4/2017

H filed: 7/2017
D final: 28/12/2017
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I may be in the minority here, but I kept every bit of jewelry my XH gave me. And I wear it often. I'm not at all a girly girl and prior to our marriage I had mostly relatively inexpensive earrings and a few rings. The most expensive rings I had were my college rings that my parents bought me when I completed my bachelor's and master's degrees. XH bought me a good bit of jewelry and while none of it was super expensive by most people's standards, it was all stuff that I really liked and still like. He bought me a string of pearls for my birthday one year then followed it with matching earrings for Valentine's day (my b-day is in January, so they came close together). Probably my favorite pieces are a really pretty chunky garnet bracelet (garnet is my birthstone and my absolute favorite gem) which is totally NOT my style, but it is so pretty I wear it often and always get compliments and a beautiful laser cut sterling silver Razorback (I'm an alum of our state's university whose mascot is a Razorback) on a gorgeous thick silver chain. I wear both pieces quite a bit.

The only things he gave me that I don't wear anymore are my wedding and engagement ring set and a ring he bought me for Christmas one year that has both of our birthstones in the shape of hearts. I've never been a fancy jewelry girl so there are just really small diamonds in my wedding set so it wouldn't even really be worth a lot of money to sell it, so it sits in its little box in a drawer.

I guess everyone has their own thoughts/opinions about such things, but I just wear what I like and though he turned out to be a jerk in the end, my XH had nice taste in jewelry and seemed to understand that I didn't like flashy, gaudy pieces.


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
6 grandkids
Dawn70 #2797103 06/21/18 07:29 AM
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Jewellery ? What jewellery?

During the D process I discovered the G had paid for the engagement ring on my credit card and the wedding ring on his own but he reimbursed himself from our joint account. He even reimbursed himself for his stag do.

I put the rings in his packaging and chose a pretty sapphire ring for me from our joint account.

So sentimental? Nooooooooooo

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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focus22 Offline OP
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Flippin' 'eck V. I have no words...

Dawn, so great to hear another perspective on the jewellery question. I do like (most) of the pieces I was gifted, and would wear them. I can see myself doing that at some point in the future perhaps, but I'm going to have to wait a while though, it still feels a bit painful.

My work with the company is finished. All that's left for me to do is write up my last invoice and send it. They always pay very quickly, so there are no worries there.

Well, I feel it turned out great in the end. I feel like I did a good job, staff enjoyed it and the contribution that they and I made was very much noticed and appreciated. The job that I do doesn't really lend itself to being noticed, which is one of the reasons why I like it : o)

I feel like I really brought out the best in the staff as individuals, and managed to bond them together as a coherent team in a relatively short while.

I've also discovered that I'm a very hands on manager. I really like to be at the coal face and in the midst of it all. And because of that I have a skill: leading by example.

I met one of the staff in one of the other place I work freelance. I haven't been able to work there for a while as I've been offered other, better paid jobs, but I'm going back there next week. He said that they really notice when I'm not there, and that I'm a force of nature.

I feel like I'm really growing into this side of my work and personality. I think I always felt it was there, deep down, but I maybe held back a little on it.

My wonderful man came out for a couple of drinks with us all after I finished my work on Saturday night. It was really lovely to be able to introduce him to my colleagues.

I noticed he's quite shy. He's never been shy with me, I think we've always felt incredibly comfortable with each other, from the very beginning. I think he prefers smaller groups of people, and chatting to one or two people at the most. He's like me in that way really, just that I've developed the chatting to lots of people I don't know skill through work and over the course of many, many years. We're both introverts essentially, but I'm probably quite an extrovert one.

Yesterday he was away on his birthday present from me. He has the most incredible, totally instinctive aesthetic sense. The photographs he takes are absolutely fantastic...he could easily earn his living from them. So I bought him a one to one photography lesson with a landscape photographer. They went away up north for the day. He said it was the most thoughtful present anyone had ever bought him.

I did some work, went to sit in the park with a book and then cooked some new things for dinner for when he came home. A very lovely few days indeed.


Me: 48, XH: 42
T: 18 years, M: 15 years

EA/PA 1: 6/2012
EA/PA 2: from autumn 2012-present

BD: 5/2013
ILYBNILWY BD & left: 10/2015

OW conceived: 8/2016
Born: 4/2017

H filed: 7/2017
D final: 28/12/2017
Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 805
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focus22 Offline OP
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Feeling a little down today.

I went for a run to do something positive for myself. And also achieved a very, very small goal on that front.

Didn't manage to run far enough, or hard enough, to change my mood drastically though. I'll try again tomorrow.


Me: 48, XH: 42
T: 18 years, M: 15 years

EA/PA 1: 6/2012
EA/PA 2: from autumn 2012-present

BD: 5/2013
ILYBNILWY BD & left: 10/2015

OW conceived: 8/2016
Born: 4/2017

H filed: 7/2017
D final: 28/12/2017
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,855
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We all have those days

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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focus22 Offline OP
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I had a little ratch about online, out of curiosity. I think that's what dipped my mood.

I discovered a few new things. But really, what difference does that make grand scheme of things?

Mostly, I discovered how obsessed XH was with OW in the period after they met and before October 2015. Like I hadn't somehow understood that anyway before?

Also evidence of him messing around with other women...one in particular, a work colleague...a high profile one. Which I had felt in my gut as well, seeing as I met her a couple of times and got a very weird vibe off her. I had wanted to like her, but when I let her I really didn't take to her at all, and I remember feeling disappointed.

Come to think of it, it was the same vibe that I got from OW...very closed off, like there was a brick wall between us. And it was one that I hadn't put there.

The strangest thing is, I got that vibe from someone else, back in 2013 I think...another woman...but the circumstances were really different. She had a one night stand with one of XH's work colleagues. I remember I was sitting next to her and having that same feeling, and being really confused by it, as everyone I had met up to that point had been so friendly and open.

Anyway, there we go.


Me: 48, XH: 42
T: 18 years, M: 15 years

EA/PA 1: 6/2012
EA/PA 2: from autumn 2012-present

BD: 5/2013
ILYBNILWY BD & left: 10/2015

OW conceived: 8/2016
Born: 4/2017

H filed: 7/2017
D final: 28/12/2017
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