Nicole, please be careful here. Desperate times call for desperate measures. I can see him angling for cohabitation because he can't afford to live separate. Do not mistake that for a move at R. I don't want to see you hurt again if he were to move in only to abandon you both again once he got back on his feet. He may even "talk" like he wants to R to make it happen. Don't fall for it. Make him earn it by doing work over time that proves he is open to R.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Neffer, thanks! The positive aspect of having lived in war zones is that I'm familiar with instability and change. The actual breaking of the marriage is much worse than any financial problem.
Steve, my husband hasn't indicated he'd like to move in with us. He's living in our house far away and he'll go wherever he gets a job. He may get a new job 1,000 miles away or he may get one really close, but he has his family living an hour from us. They have a big house with a live-in maid and two spare bedrooms so surely he'll choose to live with them. If he asked to live with us I'd be shocked. I just can't imagine it ever happening unless we work towards reconciling first. Even when he was crying on the phone and apologizing this morning he still didn't say he wants to get back together. He didn't say he's sorry for hurting me or anything even close to that. He's only sorry that he's out-of-money and got fired. Your advice is completely right, I just don't see him being that desperate with his family nearby ready to house him.
Last edited by Cadet; 07/19/1807:05 PM. Reason: Start a new thread message
Nicole - I don't know if you've taken a moment to reflect on your journey, and so let me quickly do it.
You went from a H who left you twice, with the last time ending up with some young hussy in Dubai, with moving from a dream home to a small apartment, with having serious health problems that made life let alone parenting very difficult, with not having proper employment, with all of this contributing to a miserable life - TO - surviving all of that with strength and resilience; moving cities and landing a job that you're good at and can make a great career out of; creating a stable life for your D; improving your health and becoming self-sufficient; and showing poise while your H continues to wreak havoc on his own life with implications on your D.
I know I have definitely missed the smaller details, but just look at that. You did this in a matter of many months, and I am sure they were long. But look at where you are now.
So, be confident and hold your head high. You've accomplished so much. Show the same grace and poise in face of H's madness and continue improving your life. Don't back slide and don't take him back easily EVER.
In Hannah Gadsby's latest stand-up on Netflix she said - "there is nothing stronger than a hurt woman who has rebuilt herself". That is you. Keep moving forward and one day you will have a partnership with someone that deserves you.
