Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 9 of 11 1 2 7 8 9 10 11
Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 937
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 937
Fmly1st, it's a critical junction you're in. You have my full sympathy because there's nothing harder than potentially living separately from your spouse for the first time. I wish it doesn't have to come to that. I hope you'll keep us updated.

Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 114
F
fmly1st Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
F
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 114
Sandi2,

I know what you are saying about the confrontation not solving our problems. Im just so bothered and hurt with the prospect of her with another guy and her total neglect of our home and most importantly our children. Im not one to stand pact with another man in the picture.

Things boiled over last night. We were putting lights out and she nade a snide comment so i had just had enough; i said why dont you just move out. I know what you are doing and with whom(i didnt say a source or divulge everything i know). But i said enough is enough...if you really want to live a single carefree life, go right ahead. The kids are staying with me. Especially since ive been thr sole caretaker for some time now. I know i shouldnt have but i layed into the om as well. She didnt respond other than an occasional sigh, but her lack of response was telling...my gut was telling me she wanted to come clean but never would. But there is no denying that she knows i know.

And social media makes it 100x worse. The fact that i have to see pictures of this guy with my wife constantly liking is horrible. I get it, dont look! But thats easier said than done! I know that ive had a few slipups, saying things i shouldnt say, etc. But i also feel that i need to get back some of the mojo ive lost the last few years. However, i still want very much to keep my wife Sandi. I hope that i somehow overcome whatever has taken over her heart and bring her back into my arms. Im working on myself and addressing this nice guy syndrome. My concern is obviously if she does leave the mh i may not have the oppty to attract her back!!!

Joined: May 2018
Posts: 953
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: May 2018
Posts: 953
I am so sorry. That sounds absolutely awful.

But please, please, please, get off social media or block your wife and this guy. For your detachment you cant be looking at that stuff all the time. Trust me. My wife went off Facebook a few years ago, but whenever she goes out with common friends they are posting pictures, and I just had to use the "ignore" function, because seeing that stuff is just not healthy for me.


W 34 Me 42
Married 7 years together 8
0 kids 1 beloved dog
BD 4/6/2018
I moved out 4/7/2018
I moved back in alone 8/05/2018
I file 3/06/2019
D official 5/7/2019
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,855
V
Member
Offline
Member
V
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,855
I take quite a different view on this. Quite different, if this isn't an A of some kind I will eat my hat. At minimum there is something emotional going on.

And I am not suggesting confrontation. More when it crops up say 'You can't kid me, we both know what is going on.' and walk away.

I know a H who liked the pictures of the OM and the OM W just to make a point.

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 114
F
fmly1st Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
F
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 114
Well, ive seen it all. I must have struck a nerve last night. Tonight my wife came home somewhat early, 7 pm, and grabbed something to make for dinner at the mkt. She cooked, sat down had dinner with everyone and actually did some cleaning. Not much and and now shes back laying on her bed watching tv with her phone close by.

I wonder whats going thru her head right now? Does she have any sense of the damage shes caused and about to inflict on our kids.

Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,855
V
Member
Offline
Member
V
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,855
No she doesn't. Scrambled eggs for brains.

No expectations it will be different. Get on with what you have to do, becoming a man only a fool would leave.

And be prepared to be the one that goes bah! Enough already.

Detach.

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 114
F
fmly1st Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
F
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 114
Vanilla,

Listen i was hopeful for a long time that she wasnt doing anything. But thag shipped has sailed. There have been way too many red flags along the way. I hope im wrong

Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 114
F
fmly1st Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
F
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 114
Yep. Hitting gym tomorrow 5am. Need to get after it. Wears on you. Especially thinking about that guy....ive never had any respect for people who mess around with married woman. I know shes to blame, no doubt, but you are a total sc#!bag if you go down that road. Thank you for taking the time. I appreciate it.

Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,855
V
Member
Offline
Member
V
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,855
Originally Posted By: fmly1st
Vanilla,

Listen i was hopeful for a long time that she wasnt doing anything. But thag shipped has sailed. There have been way too many red flags along the way. I hope im wrong


It's your hope that keeps you.

You can stand for the values of M or R. You can stand for your M despite all.

That doesn't mean W.

If that seems odd, it is saying that the old M is over and the connection with the pre BD W is gone. That the current W is neither gold for R or M. Detaching for the prospect of further R.

Fine if she does, fine if she doesn't.

Standing for the kind of M and R you want need and deserve. Believing in that M. Belief doesn't need wishy washy hope. Belief knows that standing for the right M will be important for you.

Hence you stand for M but not an incomplete shadow version of M.

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 8,152
Likes: 1
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 8,152
Likes: 1
Originally Posted By: fmly1st

I wonder whats going thru her head right now? Does she have any sense of the damage shes caused and about to inflict on our kids.


No not at all. The popular WAS refrain is "kids are resilient, they'll be fine!" And besides, she thinks this is all your fault anyway. You were a bad H, you didn't fill her needs, you didn't show her love, etc. etc. Rewriting of history.


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
Page 9 of 11 1 2 7 8 9 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard