I know it has been a while since I logged in it but I just wanted to give newcomers hope that there is a light at the tunnel. The outcome wasn't what i wanted, however I saved myself.
As for XH he is onto woman number 4 (separated a bit more than 3 years and divorced for 10 months now).only 2 months grace for my kids between each woman. I feel so sorry for them, but there is nothing I can do about it.
For me the beginning of the year was thought as I lost my dad and I felt it was another blow. I am still grieving but I am no longer angry at life for putting me through a lot for the last 3 years. All this succession of events have just shown me how resilient, strong and how proud I am of myself.
On the romantic side I went on a couple of dates but very early on (never went on a second date ) realised that online dating wasn't for me. So at the moment I am focusing on doing my house up as it has been two years today that i moved in, making some changes with my diet and basically being me and doing what I want.
There is life after a marriage breakdown. I remember when I first joined and people were saying it but I could hardly believe it but it is true.Keep faith everyone.
I am very happy that you came back to post an update and you sound like you are in a better place.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hello everyone I am looking for advice. My kids have been staying at woman number 4. Now my XH is on woman number 4 in the space of 3 years and 2 months since we have separated. XH has only been dating this lady for a little less than two months. This lady has a cat and my youngest is allergic to cats and it triggers asthma attack for her. I would like to write to my HX asking him to stop introducing our children to his partners so early in the relationship as I don't feel that after two months you really know a person. And I would also like for him to be aware of the dangers of our kid having an asthma attack as he has never dealt with one before. I don't want to come across as jealous but I am worried of the impact of all these women passing and going in my kids life. What kind of message does it show to my girls that as women they can de disposed of as when it pleases a man. Am I too old fashion as I feel that he should at least wait 6 months so he is sure? The girls told me that he is living with her!
All I can see is a recurrent pattern for XH he meets someone quickly (2 months between each woman), moves in very quickly, then a month after our children are introduced. This is how it happens with me. I can see XH falls in love very easily but I am concerned about my kids.
My major concern is not him having a new GF is that he has a tendency not to take our children seriously when they aren't well and I have been to hospital several times to have her asthma attack treated. I just want him to realise that he is potentially putting our daughter's life at risk. I also know that if I text him he will think I'm jealous and I will be told that it's not my business.
What kind of advice could you give me? I'm already doing the 24 hours wait as if it had been the old me I would have texted him straight away.
Here is my take on the situation: if you were to mention to him that he is introducing the children to his new partners too quickly into the relationship, he will see it as being nosy and you trying to control what he does. In today's society, it appears that many of these people go through relationships like water and some are just a friends or friends w/benefits. These guys may not even realize what a real relationship is or even what love is, but I can see where he would get really bent out of shape if you were to suggest how he handles his relationships and getting his children involved. Trust me, if you were to point this out, he would get angry and not listen to a word you have said.
I know you are looking out for the best interests of your children, but you need to pick your battles, i.e., your child's asthma. I would send him a note and ask him if he's aware that your child's asthma can flare up if she is around cats and then you have to take her to the hospital for treatment. Ask him if it's possible to keep the cat in another room or elsewhere in the home while your daughter is visiting. Or, you could ask him if he has any suggestions on how best to deal with her health condition while visiting w/him.
For now, keep the focus on your child's health and what needs to be done to reduce the number of her asthma attacks.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you very much everyone for your advice. Things have slightly changed and I had to step in. Got asked by someone today if my ex was married as his NGF has been posting photos of our children in her social media page.
She has only been with him for two months, and I don't know who has access to her profile so I asked him to avoid a third party (that aren't their uncles/aunties) to post pictures of our kids. By the way I don't do it myself as I work with kids and I know the risks of grooming. Funny enough he agreed but now I guess he is going to block all of our mutual friends. That is so funny.
KML I won't go to see a solicitor as he will see it as me being jealous which isn't the case. He will have to learn from his mistakes. I will only step in if I feel my kids are in any kind of danger. He has already lost his eldest daughter and if he carries on he will do the same with ours. My youngest (she is not 10 yet)came home saying that she doesn't want to see her dad as I quote: it's one GF after another and when she is with us he only cares and spends time with her not us.
It will sound harsh but I will let him hang himself with his own rope. He needs to learn from his mistakes. So far he hasn't.
Last edited by job; 07/02/1812:53 PM. Reason: edited a word for poster
I think i'm just going to vent and see if i'm overreacting. XH has moved in with new GF (well when he hasn't got the girls he stays at hers and when he has them she stays with him). Kids have confirmed that they have only been dating for 2 months, now my kids don't have any time on their own with their dad. NGF has been putting pictures of my children on her FB page.
Now am I being irrational but is it normal behaviour to be spending all your time with your BF kids (when you just started dating) ?Is it normal behaviour for a man to introduce his kids to a woman that he just started to see? Is it normal behaviour to put on your FB page pictures of your new partner's kids when it is early days?
I am asking this as i'm wondering if i am the only old fashion person to think this is too soon for the kids to be exposed to such a full on relationship. It is honeymoon period bu what is going to happen in a year's time?
Also my youngest ask me that question: can too much sex makes you ill? I asked her why she said daddy's NGF is ill. Also she told me that she can sleep at night because her dad's making too much noise with NGF! What can I say to that?
I'm not jealous because now he isn't good catch but why would he play happy family with another woman so soon after number 3? I know that he has to rebuild his life and that eventually he might find a life partner but really after 2 months!!!!
My youngest told me that she doesn't like it when they don't spend their weekend with only their dad. My eldest doesn't give a monkey because as long as she can use her computer/ tablet she is happy.
The funny thing is that early on he wanted to introduce me his daughter and i have always said no. Also when we got together he did ask me to move as soon as I was back in the UK. We had a long distance relationship for 5 months as i was working in my home country when i met him. And then he does the same things with all his GF! IS he learning from it? Cleary not
Any input would be greatly appreciated. No point taking to him because he becomes aggressive and won't listen to me. I am worried for my kids.
) realised that online dating wasn't for me. So at the moment I am focusing on doing my house up as it has been two years today that i moved in, making some changes with my diet and basically being me and doing what I want.