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(((Pax)))

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Pax, I can't wait for this trial to be over for you (and I do mean that in a double entendre sort of way).

How about a list on all the ways in which your life is better than his. You my friend are the cosmic winner here:

1. Pax is a person with morals and decency;
2. Pax is capable of giving and receiving love;
3. Pax would not harm another;

...

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Hello Pax

I am glad you shared, and vented - venting that is so very good.

My goodness you have a lot going on. The stress is quite evident even on this virtual page. That’s a great idea going to the gym.

Now, that @ss with the mean comments. Arrrr. Of course that hurt. What a jerk! Let it go. Feelings will flit away. And you know you’re pretty darn awesome. And if you don’t, let me tell you - You’re pretty darn awesome!

What a rigmarole the insurance is. Finding your way through the red tape. You’ll make it.

Get a good night sleep. Things will look better when you are fresh.

DnJ


Feelings are fleeting.
Be better, not bitter.
Love the person, forgive the sin.
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Oh yeah, ignore that creepy jerk. Stuff like that happens to women all the time - especially, say, on the streets of NYC, guys catcall you then hurl insults if you ignore them. Toxic masculinity.

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(He probably has a tiny one btw)

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Sorry that happened to you. It always hurts when someone attacks us like that. Only insecure people do things like that so they can feel powerful. Doesn't lesson the sting, but he certainly would not be worth a 2nd glance. Hugs.


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Thank you all so much for the support. I really appreciate you all and having this board to share my inner dialogues with. Thank you for being a safe space.

Ha- kml, I’ve shared this story about gas station guy with a few people and they all said the same thing and lifted their pinkies. Aye aye aye. Whatevs.

I think it got to me because while I’m not a self conscious individual, I’m self conscious when it comes to men thanks to the constant belittlent from my ex. So, it just wasn’t nice and it hurt.

Anyway, what goes down must go up..... or something like that. I have to remember to trust in the universe and trust things will work out. I have to give up control! My only role is to continue to be a person of diplomacy, grace and integrity.

Things have been so tough financially, but I just found out I have a very small bonus coming my way which is earmarked for my taxes, a car tune up and maybe even a hair cut. Score!

I just had lunch with a colleague who mentioned that my name came up for a new executive level job. I’m not qualified for it because I’m not an RN, but I can’t believe they even suggested me. This was from the regions CEO who apparently has her eye on me. Holy crap!! I literally had no idea.

Then, when I got back to my desk, I got a phone call from a colleague inviting me on another medical mission. I was really touched.

I have to remember that my real life outside of this legal cr@p is actually very good and quite abundant. I’m grateful.


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Hello there.

Well it’s a riveting Saturday night and I’m procrastinating my little arse off. I need to wrap up a presentation for the head of my company. I told him I would send it tonight so it will be in his inbox when he works on Sunday. The bad thing is, I’m super burned out and I have no motivation to get it done, but I know I must... and I will.... even if it means I stay up all night.

This last week was insane, but I did some cool things for some high school students. It was pretty cool. I really enjoy volunteering.

This morning, I was at my gym and had a conversation with a gym friend. She just started dating her ex husband again and she is super happy. They were together, he left (didn’t get the details.. I wouldn’t pry)... and she moved on. He came sniffing around last year and now they are dating again. She brought up how he is having a hard time being accepting of the things she did while they were not together. She’s done a really good job with her boundaries even though it’s becoming an issue.

I don’t share these stories to gossip at all... these aren’t my stories to tell after all, but all these relationship nuances completely fascinate me. Human behavior fascinates me. It’s so interesting. I treat them all like case studies and I learn a lot from them.

Anyway....
Late last week I got a piece of info about one of ex’s latest ventures. I hate that I have to be concerned about these things, but I still have to Seek out info in order to protect myself. I’m so over it!! I was able to figure out what it was and through the power of google and social media I actually got a glimpse into his life. I won’t get into details. None of it bothered me at all.. even the pics of him and his girl (or girl at the time).

One thing that did stand out was the fact that he seemed happy. Ok, what could I possibly tell from a photo? And I know..... no mindreading yada yada, but what stood out to me and was clear as day, was the fact that the shark eyes were gone. Maybe that’s what gave off the air of contentment. The lights were on behind those eyes... I recognized it.

So, what does that mean? Nothing. But if it is what it seems, Im having a moment of “ oh good”. I wouldn’t say “oh good, I’m happy for him”. I’m definitely not there. It’s more of an “oh good. Maybe he’ll stop harassing me soon.”

Oh well, that’s all I got for now. I’m gonna go play with the dog and procrastinate a bit more! Have a good one.

Last edited by Pax_luv; 03/17/19 03:57 AM.

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Pax, I'm slightly amused at the story of your friend. He left. They divorced. He is having a hard time accepting what she did while they were apart. I'll refrain from what I'd like to type here.

The guy you describe is never going to be good to any woman in his life. She's just the newest victim. I'd look more closely at the picture of her and see how she looks in another two years (just kidding, I wouldn't look at either of them).

Let's hope he learns how to stop harassing all women. Have fun with your dog. Hope you finished the project.

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Pax_luv Offline OP
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Oh Saturday..... I love you!

Just finished my third nap of the day. It was a doozie of a week (actually 2 weeks) so I desperately needed some lazy naps in the sun with the pup. I’m groggy but rested.

I’m always on the fence about sharing details of my life here since my sitch is so specific. On the other hand, I’m being honest.. I just run the risk of ex suing me for making him look bad. I guess at the end of the day, that just speaks volumes about his character.

Anyway, ex was sanctioned again. The judge said she was extremely frustrated by his delay tactics and his efforts to evade the court.

Hmm for the guy who keeps insisting that he wants to move this along as quickly as possible.... he knows what needs to be done but he just won’t do it.

I felt bad that he was scolded at court (he didn’t show), but the sanctions are going to help me tremendously. I already feel a weight lifted from me. It’s not going to cover all my legal fees, just about 3 months worth, and I’ll take it.

Finally. I’ve had this brick of anxiety in my chest for awhile now and it’s now subsiding. I’m so grateful. I feel it fading away. It’s like I can breathe again.

Now to rebuild my strength for the next phase of all of this which should commence in about 2 months (I hope).

For now, I’m just going to enjoy the peace of the day. I’ll leave all my chores and to-dos for tomorrow.


Me- 30's H- 40's
T-10 M-5
I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15
D filed by H: September 16
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