Divorce and Acceptance part 3

[Pax_luv]

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2755173&page=11

My last thread was at 100. I really was contemplating moving to the surviving board, but I think I have one more MLC storyline left in me .

Recap-
Divorced
Still no financial arrangements
Ex and his lawyer and shady little buggers... This will be ongoing for the foreseeable future
With the exception of being broke, I am a-ok and grateful everyday for second chances. I wouldn't exchange my new life for my old one... No way!

[Gerda]

Hi, Paxluv -- Have you considered doing AirBnB in your place? That is how my mom held on to her house and she ended up loving it. After she died, my stepdad kept doing it and it sort of saved him from depression and a tendency to be a hermit.

I posted a link to a great article about how to hold on to your house after divorce on DnJ's thread. It really empowers me though I am still trying to avoid D.

[Pax_luv]

Hello there!

Been a long while since I updated my thread. Hope things are well. I still continue to read along, but I will say it’s really hard to follow with the new platform.... hopefully we can get a mobile interface soon so for us mobile users we don’t have to scroll along to see the whole view! That’s me being high maintenance, but I thought I would just throw it out there

I’ve been laying low just out of precaution. My ex is truly off the rails. We’re still nowhere near having any discussions on how to split the assets. Isn’t that nuts? It boggles my mind.

At our last court appearance the judge told him to stop playing games., well, he hasn’t. Gosh this guy sure knows how to make enemies. It happened frequently when we were married, but I always thought it was them and not my ex. He always had such rational excuses for why he disposed of people. THEY were all nasty humans.

Lesson learned.

Anyway, things are going pretty well. This was my wedding anniversary week and honestly it was ok. I had two dinner dates with some gal pals this week and I loved that he barely came up in conversation. For so long my divorce was really the center of my existence, but now, it’s barely part of the story. I have far more interesting things going on and the nonsense with him isn’t even worth bringing up anymore. Even crazy huge things (like him going after my lawyer for $).... it’s so irrelevant to my existence anymore. I love that!!!! Yeah i definitely still want to settle this thing and get what I’m owed out of it so I can buy a condo or something and move on from a financial perspective, but at the end of the day I am solid and a-ok. What a relief! as everyone says, it does get better!

On the dating front- I dated a bit ago and had a blast doing it. It was fun. I had a goal for myself that I wanted to achieve so I took myself off the market for 6 months so I could put my free time into me! Well, I achieved that goal and am now finding more balance these days. I know I’m ready to put myself out there again, but I have zero desire to do the online thing. Zero. Real life meeting is not as easy! Plus I’m the shy girl who has never asked a guy out. I’ll just have to see how that plays out.

Well, that’s it for now. Wishing you a beautiful day!

[bttrfly]

great to hear from you Pax. I'm so proud of how far you've come! xoxoxo

[Pax_luv]

Hi Bttrfly! Thanks for the kind words! It’s feels weird to say it, but this whole experience is a gift!

I’m popping in today because I really need some insight or advice from those who have walked this completely insane MLC path.

I’ve purposefully not shared a lot of details with the legal side of my divorce. Frankly, for a long time I was afraid the ex would find this site and then he would sue me for defamation of character or something. Suing is in his nature and well, he thinks he’s a big shot. (In real life he’s not the baller he thinks he is....at all)

Anyway, the legal sitch is way way way out of hand and all of this is so expensive. I want it to be over and I think that’s what he’s counting on. It’s in his nature to wear people down to the point they give up. In his mind, he thinks he’s “won” because the “truth” comes out thus making the other party claim defeat.

It’s a crazy game, actually. And one I witnessed too many times during the course of our relationship.

Well, since we’re finally getting some info dug up in the forensic accountant review, I’m still really shocked at how skilled ex was at managing the finances. Man, he is evil.

Basically, he’s saying all my money (that was direct deposited into our accounts... even before marriage) was used for household expenses, and HIS money covered the mortgage, home repairs, etc. At the end of the day, he’s saying I don’t have any rights to the house because my money didn’t go into the account that funded these expenses. And yes, I’m on title.

It’s complete and utter crap and I had no idea he was intentionally screwing me over the entire marriage, but he was.

My lawyer is not so worried about it because a marriage is a partnership and clearly he wasn’t operating in a partnership. But I’m really getting stressed over it.

The man really does have two faces. We (me and my lawyer) see one side and now that it is court ordered that he has to comply with the financial audit, he is being as sweet as pie to the CPA. It’s disgusting!!!! And the stories he tells her are unbelievable and totally fabricated.

I don’t have a way to prove he is lying.... I just know the truth because I was there.

So I guess I’m just wondering if anyone else has gone through this and what was the outcome for you? What if the CPA believes his crap, and the judge does as well, and I’m left with nothing, zero, zilch, nada from this whole experience? I don’t even have a savings because it was part of our joint finances. And of course he cleared all those accounts. Financially, it’s gotten sooooooo tight given the insane lawyer fees I’ve been paying since 2016.

I just don’t know what to do and I’m scared that the judge and cpa will believe his stories... which are lies. I want to move on and I can’t because I’m strapped financially. Given what my salary is, I really need to buy a condo or something so I can have a tax write off, but I have zero dollars to do so. It’s crazy.

Thoughts? For those who have had similar experiences, did you find the judge was able to see through their twisted lies? And for the record, I think my lawyer is great.... I just want to hear from someone who has experienced this before. It’s just so crazy.

Thank you!

[OneArt]

Pax, long time poster with a new name. Been following your situation a long time. I also have a personality disordered spouse and understand well how they behave in litigation. The court is not going to buy his argument. You paid money into a joint account. The mortgage is community property, the deed in both names. Your lawyer is not concerned because this is a ridiculous argument. It sounds scary to you because he is used to controlling you and you fear him. The CPA won’t buy it either. They are numbers guys. They don’t decide who gets what. Just make two columns to split assets. You are almost through. Try to let go of the fear you have around him. He craves control because internally he feels out of control. These are fearful people.

[HaWho]

Try to distance yourself a bit from this sitch so as not to be drawn into his crazy. Your name is on the title! And you were married! Good luck to him with that "argument." If it was never partially your house why is your name on the title? Maybe you should make the case that the house is yours as you are the one who dusted more. Ha ha.

The judges have seen and heard it all. There are probably 50 cases per day where someone is trying to come up with an excuse to get out paying support or sharing assets. His position is extreme. And so, what about cases where the wife is a stay at home mom and truly does not contribute financially to the mortgage? There are laws for a reason.

Poor guy. He is really scraping the bottom of the barrel. Eventually the courts will right all his wrongs and I think he knows it's a 'comin.

[Brubeck]

Don't worry about a thing. You're doing fine.

Try to let go of the fear you have around him. He craves control because internally he feels out of control. These are fearful people.

This is exactly what I was thinking. His argument is ridiculous. Your name is on the title. You're protected. It's absolutely crazy for him to argue what he has.

I went through the exact same thing. During my D, my XW went through the whole process acting as if she had the upper hand in every scenario. She made wacky demands of me on items that her attorney already settled on.

They're crazy. It's hard for the LBS to see it sometimes cause we live in it.

Stick to the procedure laid out by the court. Follow the path. You'll be fine.

[Pax_luv]

One, Ha, and Bru-
Thank you for taking the time to chime in on this. I really appreciate your perspectives.

I think you are all correct in that this is all him trying to control the situation still. I think my stress and emotion tied to all this stems from the fact that I could personally never lie about this sort of thing, and in a court/legal capacity. Sometimes I think the court will take his lies as truth because it takes someone really ballsy to falsify this info. Then again, I guess people do it all the time. I just don’t have it in me so it’s hard for me to brush it off.

I’ve remained consistent in my approach- meaning I’m just fighting for what’s fair. The judge has seemed pretty level headed with all our issues to date. The one thing that did shock the heck out of me and both my lawyer and his lawyer was bifurcating the marriage without the financials squared away. It blew all of us away.

So hopefully she will see this for what it is at our next appearance. Ugh it’s just so stressful.

Thanks again for your perspectives. I appreciate it.

[Pax_luv]

Dang it! It’s weird. I’m kind of having a low day. They happen so far and few these days so I get disappointed with myself when I get sad over my situation.

The financial aspect is the hardest. This guy is relentless. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m in the battle but I’m battling for fairness. I’m not asking for anything more than I’m supposed to get. Heck I never even asked for moving expenses etc.

Anyway, it’s just so messy. It hurts. I have to wonder if our ww, was, or mlcer has any idea how hard the divorce process is when they go down that path. Let me tell you, if this was my divorce I would have chosen differently if I knew this is what I was in for. The nastiness of the divorce does not equate to the level of unhappiness in the marriage. It just doesn’t. I think that is what I’m upset about right now. It didn’t have to be this way.... it really didn’t.

I don’t think he feels any of this to the level I feel it. One he is soulless, and two he has money to get by. I just found out that he bought two investment properties after we separated. Of course he didn’t disclose this.

And 3 years ago he wanted me to declare fake bankruptcy with him. Of course I said no. Look at how well he has recovered.

And I’m struggling to make my rent, car payment, insurance, and lawyer fees and move on.

It’s so hard. I know he wasn’t a nice guy, but it didn’t have to be this way.