S85, Davide, Rose, Arsh,Vanilla and all this board. The outpouring of love and support from you guys are so appreciated! Thank you!
Imagine being rejected by the very people that you had been prophesied to for centuries. Only to be wrongfully accused, convicted, and sentenced to crucifixion.
You are so right- this is but s sliver in my pinky in comparison to what Jesus had to endure. This too shall pass.
Do you have any short-term good things you can focus on? If your son is finishing up the school year can you make some fun plans to do with him?
My short term focus is first my S- To solidify my R by always letting him know that I will always be there. To be the best SAFE spot for him. For me it is to get a good job which I am working on and to continue on my path with God and remain healthy in my choices. I started at 260lbs the next goal is 190lbs. I have some budgeted outdoor plans with S. Mostly to practice his baseball skills. I'd also like to take him kayaking or canoeing possibly camping. And various day trips to the beach , walking the trails or into the city. S15 has agreed to babysit his cousin aged 11 and 7 for the month of August. What's your goal with your son?
My goal has always been to provide my S with the best that I can give him. From being an example for him - showing him the value of integrity and respect. To opening as many doors that I can for him to experience things that will allow him to grow and enhance his life skills. Before BD S was active in Baseball, soccer, band(plays sax) , swimming (he is 2 levels short of life guard certification), Church youth group and he was learning accounting 1 night a week. All that he is doing now is base ball and band. I would like him to spread his wings. For this school year I want S to get all his credits so he won't have to enroll in summer school. Most important though is to build that loving supportive relationship with him.
We are all here to support you, keep journaling, the times will change. Whenever you want to vent and screaming into a pillow is not enough, you have us listening on this forum
You Guys are truly INCREDIBLE! It's likely you will have to soft monitor S15. Ask him to show you or you take him/pick him up.
I am trying my best- One day at a time. I just try to reach out to him daily to let him know I'm here often times when I ask he says he is ok and does not need my help. Then he says he does not like it when I push to help or get more information. It is a tough balancing act.
Oh and hugs and love.
OI will take all the ((hugs)) and love cuz I NEED it!!
I know I have my work cut out for me. You guys are the fuel to my fire Thanks!
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
Lonewlf, stopping by to see how you are doing today. During these times it is one day at a time if not one hour at a time on some days. Hope today has been better for you.
Arsh- Thank you for your concern. Lately I have struggled. My W has moved out so I haven't had any contact with her in 1 week. No texts no conversation. Since she has moved out we have had # texts and the meeting with my S therapist. What I can truly say is I miss her. I miss the family time at dinners. I miss the planing of summer day trips and the summer was when we did things together. I miss the weekend moments. I do know that she is texting my son daily but he has yet to respond. I am not getting in between them. I continue to focus on me going to the gym and cycling and eating healthy but all this would be so much better with my life partner. As my belief goes - I will do my best and let God do the rest!
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
This week has been a very difficult week. Missing out on 2 job opportunities I thought were a good fit. Having a fallout with S15. It just seems things are not falling into place. I continue to have quality time with my S, pray work out out ,cycle and go to the dog park with my dog. I know I must stay positive and disregard this stinkin thinkin. Knowing that it cannot get any worse than this- I look forward to better moments. This by far is the hardest thing that I have ever done but I must keep moving forward.
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
You are grieving for the M that died. It's needed in order to move forward. You can do this. You are a man of strength, honor, and loyalty. Your S15 is hurt, angry and frustrated, but he is learning how to be a man, by watching how his dad handles this crisis.
((hugs))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
This week has been a very difficult week. Missing out on 2 job opportunities I thought were a good fit. Having a fallout with S15. It just seems things are not falling into place. I continue to have quality time with my S, pray work out out ,cycle and go to the dog park with my dog. I know I must stay positive and disregard this stinkin thinkin. Knowing that it cannot get any worse than this- I look forward to better moments. This by far is the hardest thing that I have ever done but I must keep moving forward.
Romans 5:3-5 And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope: And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
We had to drive by W new place for the first time. My heart sank as we drove by. Guess I still have a long way to go to detach.
She moved out less than a month ago! Detachment is a slow process. We all wish we could push a button and turn detachment on, but that's not realistic. Be patient!
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Then W sends me a text that she called our insurance agent and she has made separate insurance files for both of us and that our agent will be calling me to verify this. My heart sank again. I really looks like she is set on moving on.
Yes she is. RIGHT NOW. It sounds like you are religious, if you've studied the Bible then there is one great lesson to take from it- NO BLESSING ON ANYONE EVER CAME QUICKLY OR EASILY. Right? Think about it. Did Moses lead his people through the wilderness for a few days or weeks before seeing the promised land? No no noooo and he was CHOSEN by God!! So why do you think your M is going to turn around in a few days or weeks? God seems keen on teaching us patience more than anything else. Ask yourself what he is teaching you, try to embrace the lessons.
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It's been a week since I have seen W and I've pretty much gone dark. My gut is telling me this is not working.
After a whole week huh? Do you think those are realistic expectations?
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First, I had an incident with my son who failed to follow up with his teacher about his upcoming exam and pertinent info. I got upset because I was the one to get his teacher to be more flexible (she even offered to volunteer her time at the local library on the weekend)- yet he was the one who failed to follow thru.I made the comment to him that I will not sit idle and allow you to fail- I will carry you up the mountain - All you have top do is hold on! He left for school angry and deflated.
Do you seriously want to raise your son up to be carried by others? Is that what you want? Is that what HE wants? Or do you want to raise him to be strong, independent and self-sufficient? My S is 15 and we really struggled with him this year. He's ADHD and this was his first year of high school. His main difficulties were lack of self-discipline and time management skills. So my ex and I sat down with him and told him we were there to help him but that we wanted HIM to take responsibility. We helped him develop a daily schedule, and we told him we were going to monitor his grades and assignments online and would intervene if his grades were low. Just like your S, he slipped up more than once on follow-through, and when he did we were right there to remind him. He hated being reminded, but we kept stressing that we were just doing it to help him and if he would take the reigns we would no longer need to do that. By the end of the year his grades were way up and our intervention was way down. Your kids don't need you to do everything for them, they just need you to point them in the right direction.
Steve 85 thanks reminder of patience - I am sure you know how hard that is. It just that this is really been so difficult. As much as I can GAL and focus on S and me - I still get this strong sense of missing my W. hope it gets better with time. I'm just being honest. AS I have read your past posts and you seem to be knowledgeable and speak with alot of wisdom. Thank you for the 2X4 . You too preach about patience and detaching. 2 things I need to really work on. In regards to my S- you are absolutely right that I should be raising an independent self-sufficient individual and that is my intention. It is at this difficult time where he feels empty, deflated and broken (his words) where my instinct is to pick him up and carry him (through mountains and valleys if I have to)so that once he becomes more settled and adjusted I can set him down to spread his wings and explore as he used to. Thank you for the tips on techniques that worked for you -I will try implementing them. As for an update- I went to a job interview yesterday it went pretty good- I will hear back next week. I have been still doing my regular routine and spending some good quality time with S. we went out to grab some burgers last night then shot some hoops and practiced hi pitching. My sister was having trouble her neighbors being to loud so she stayed at my place overnight. Anyhow things are moving along jut not at the pace I want. I still have this emptiness which I hope will diminish.
Anyways Happy Fathers Day for all of the Fathers here- Cheers!
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
Happy Fathers Day to all fathers who are fighting to keep their families together.
Had a good day yesterday. Did my morning routine went for a 2hr bike ride before it got hot. Did some laundry while I ate. Took my dog to the farmers market. Had S15 set up with his studies because next week is exam week. My sister came over to pray with S15 and my self. She also brought over Chinese food. After dinner we cleaned up and my sister went home. S15 and I took the dog to the school while we worked on his pitching and played basketball.
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
