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OrangeK Offline OP
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I do understand Steve, and i thank you for your cautionary words.
I am moving to the "city" where i live, so i imagine i will find more IC's and more readily available ones there. Im not giving up on IC, just doing what is working for me in the now. I know i wont fully recover without IC. Ill keep you posted on that. Ill be moved into my brothers by end of month.

I get that there is pain ahead in the path to healing. You must deride a burn before it can be treated, one of the most painful things one can medically endure. I see this as the same.


M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4
All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18
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OrangeK Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: Steve85
I hope you are not firing them for shooting straight with you. An IC that just tells you what you want to hear is NOT a good IC.



Just re-read this. No i didnt S-can either of them for being blunt with me.
The first one was if anything, the opposite. He seemed legitimately uninterested and just kind of was very dry, boring and not engaging.

The 2nd one was better at what he did, but was difficult to get appointments with, overpriced, and had a tendency to be cold and impersonal. Again, i didnt feel like this guy actually CARED about helping me, i got a very "Just another day in the office" vibe from him.


M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4
All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18
-----------------------------------------------------
2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD
2 Major breakups.
2 Rebounds
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OrangeK Offline OP
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Is there any Value in asking something like

"dont you think CO-parenting S3 would be a lot easier if we agreed that weve both moved on and stop acting like we hate each-other and are enemies?"


M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4
All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18
-----------------------------------------------------
2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD
2 Major breakups.
2 Rebounds
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Originally Posted By: OrangeK
Is there any Value in asking something like

"dont you think CO-parenting S3 would be a lot easier if we agreed that weve both moved on and stop acting like we hate each-other and are enemies?"

None whatsoever. Don't do it...


Me: 38
W:31
Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4
M: 10 years
T:12 years
BD:Jan 3, 2018
W moved out: Apr 13,2018
Filed for D: Jun 2018
D final: Sep 2019

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Originally Posted By: OrangeK
Is there any Value in asking something like

dont you think CO-parenting S3 would be a lot easier if we agreed that weve both moved on and stop acting like we hate each-other and are enemies?


Dont say it. Just do it.

Last edited by Cadet; 06/14/18 11:56 AM. Reason: restored post

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Originally Posted By: OrangeK
Is there any Value in asking something like

"dont you think CO-parenting S3 would be a lot easier if we agreed that weve both moved on and stop acting like we hate each-other and are enemies?"


The thing is, Orange, in your communications she IS acting civil. YOur interpretations and your presumed intentions are that you hate eachother or that she is being an enemy.

If you look at her texts, took them for face-value, she is being civil.

So, that being said, how would "not acting like enemies or like we hate eachother" look to you?

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Originally Posted By: HelenaJ
Originally Posted By: OrangeK
Is there any Value in asking something like

dont you think CO-parenting S3 would be a lot easier if we agreed that weve both moved on and stop acting like we hate each-other and are enemies?


Dont say it. Just do it.


THIS^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ * infinity


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
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Originally Posted By: Ginger1
Originally Posted By: OrangeK
Is there any Value in asking something like

"dont you think CO-parenting S3 would be a lot easier if we agreed that weve both moved on and stop acting like we hate each-other and are enemies?"


The thing is, Orange, in your communications she IS acting civil. YOur interpretations and your presumed intentions are that you hate eachother or that she is being an enemy.

If you look at her texts, took them for face-value, she is being civil.

So, that being said, how would "not acting like enemies or like we hate eachother" look to you?


While mostly true, I think both OK and her have been passive-aggressive at times. That never helps a situation and only hurts it. I am the king of passive-aggressiveness, so I struggle with it every single day.


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OrangeK Offline OP
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Ok, thanks everyone. HelenaJ, thanks specifically. I will step back from that plan.


M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4
All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18
-----------------------------------------------------
2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD
2 Major breakups.
2 Rebounds
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 1,669
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OrangeK Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: Ginger1


The thing is, Orange, in your communications she IS acting civil. YOur interpretations and your presumed intentions are that you hate eachother or that she is being an enemy.

If you look at her texts, took them for face-value, she is being civil.


She has certainly been antagonistic and passive aggressive, i have been far from perfect myself.

Regardless there is value in what you say about me viewing things she says through a lens of anger, i will be mindful of that in the future.


Originally Posted By: Ginger1

So, that being said, how would "not acting like enemies or like we hate eachother" look to you?


Not disagreeing on everything, not ignoring each-others questions, or requests to speak to our son. Not going back and forth about child support and Day care in court.
For her to drop the Rest. Order, we both know its unjustified. as i wouldn't act any different with her, shes moved on and so am i (moving), at least without the RO we could do mediation, and attend events for S3 if need be at the same time. Not inconveniencing her parents so we could do childcare swaps like normal adults.
Long term Goals i guess.


M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4
All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18
-----------------------------------------------------
2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD
2 Major breakups.
2 Rebounds
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