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A Message from Michele
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#2795766 - 06/13/18 09:15 AM Re: Meanwhile 12 Years Later [Re: doodler]
JujuB Offline
Member

Registered: 02/16/16
Posts: 1102
Don, you have a good gut.

So let me get this straight..

1. She is texting sexual with you, when you guys havent yet been on a date?
2. Her last boyfriend was a married man?

I gues it depends on what u are looking for.

When i was in my early 20, to me a great guy was someone educated. Someone that was a professional. Some one tall. Someone that wasnt a womanizer. Someone that would make a good father amdand a good provider. Someone that looked good on paper.

Look where i am now.

I think now i am looking at someone that might not have a higher education but saved so he could provide for his daughter. Someone that preferred coming home to his partner as opposed to staying out for a few beers with the people he sees all day at work.

I even wrote something along the lines of
"I dont have any particular types..would just like someone that follows a good moral compass" on my profile.

I do make mistakes. But at least i dont repeat them.
_________________________
M: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
WAH in summer

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#2795780 - 06/13/18 11:03 AM Re: Meanwhile 12 Years Later [Re: DonH]
kml Online
Member

Registered: 01/18/03
Posts: 13718
Quote:
Among the last girls I've dated - Data scientist for a huge USA retailer, six figures, masters degree; Head buyer for a national retail chain, again six figures, masters. School teacher with a doctorate. Not all of them are in this category but they often possess what I fit with.


Dang, dude - why didn't you stick with one of these? I'd love to find guys with similar/equivalent qualifications to date. So far all that OkCupid is offering up this time is ugly white dudes that appear to have no life or spend it watching football games and riding motorcycles in the desert (n harm in that, they're just usually not intellectual nerds like me). Or cute guys who have a high school education and can't spell and scraping by (again, no fault in that, just not going to be a match for me.) Or the most promising guy, Caterpillar Mustache guy, who apparently made a good living in the past in telecom sales but let his ex squander it all and doesn't seem too financially stable at present (hope I'm wrong but at my age financial stability and a plan for finances in retirement is really important in a potential mate. I'll learn more on our date this weekend.)

Quote:
I wanted to get on the phone but she asked to stay on text so we did.


Don't know what her living situation is but I often prefer text at night because I'm also watching tv with my mom (the only time she really gets with me) or otherwise engaged with family - texting allows me to multitask, a phone conversation wouldn't.

Quote:
Still, I see this whole experience as good. It proves I can still have these feelings. On the bad side, every time I do, they are often for the wrong types as this has happened to me before. Or are all women just like this?????? I do best with the outgoing, fun girls. Problem is, they often don't have the other things I need.


Smart girls can be outgoing and fun but sounds like you're drawn to the party girls, who will seldom be what you're looking for.

Quote:
I got a clear DTF vibe from her, let's just say that.


Hey, she's young, single and has a libido - nothing wrong with that. Took me a long time after my marriage ended to adjust to the relative paucity of sex in the dating world, compared to the regularity of it in marriage. Shouldn't be a double standard - apparently you're DTF too even if you don't really find her attractive as a potential mate. So long as the door swings both ways.

Quote:
One last thing, we've talked about those guys on OLD who get sexual rather soon, send naked pics, etc. We've asked why would they do this - with it often turning girls who post here off. Well, could it be because there are girls like this one out there???? Just food for thought.


Maybe. Or maybe desperate or insensitive men AND women look the same. Odds are good though that the women who are sexting inappropriately are less likely to be doing so out of unbridled enthusiasm for free love and more out of a somewhat desperate feeling that it's the only way to get a man or it's all they have to offer. (now, granted, a couple of men sent pics because they were rightfully proud of their porn-star-quality genitalia - one particular young man comes to mind......hahaha).

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#2795790 - 06/13/18 12:14 PM Re: Meanwhile 12 Years Later [Re: kml]
DonH Offline
Member

Registered: 06/27/05
Posts: 1091
Loc: Midwest / Me 53/ WAW-EXW 52 Me...
Originally Posted By: kml
Dang, dude - why didn't you stick with one of these?


LOL - well... The data scientist I would have and still would in a heartbeat. Problem is, we met while I was on a band road trip to her town. She is a widow with her last child just graduating a few weeks ago. Problem was she lived 10 hours away but came to Chicago (90 minutes from me) about once a month. I was a bit more into her than her me but not by that much. She clearly checked many boxes for me. We are both pilots too - well she was taking lessons but. Anyhow, it never fully took off and then she got moved to Florida about six months ago. She is still the top of my list. Who knows, life may turn again.

The buyer, I may try with again but it's just not there - for either of us I think. And the teacher was actually an old GF like now 30 years ago. We dated for about 7 months again about 5 years ago when her I thought divorced husband, but may have really been separated, dumped his AF and wanted her back. I really have to believe I was part of the reason why when he saw her moving on. They had three kids and nearly 20 years at that point so I bowed out and they are back together - I think re-married but perhaps just never fully D'd.

I know I'm a catch - I have that level of self asteam to say and own that and am told this over and over by many. At 55 I'm financially secure for life and semi-retired for the last nearly 10 years now. I set my own schedule - for a large part - and have plenty of time now - something I didn't have while I was married. No drama, no crazy exes, etc. Own my own home, car, recording studio, etc. Business professional, paramedic, firefighter, was on the radio and chief engineer for years. Still do a radio show once a week. You see the opinion of one of the people I was with this weekend "very welcoming and interesting." I'm rather smart, pretty fun, rather funny - sarcastically so, very talented. Now that's the good parts. LOL. I'm rather love avoidant at this point, EXTREMELY picky and clearly am often attracted to the wrong people - although many others are just in my same shoes - not really looking for anything with some really avoiding it. I still find so many that don't only not want to date me, they don't want to date anyone. I can't and won't settle.

And of course, it's not just me finding someone I really am interested in - they have to be interested in me as well. That doesn't always happen either. It well could be I just am finding the wrong women but dang I'm telling you, it is increasingly looking to me like there are just a lot of crazy women out there - no different than the lack of suitable men you are finding KML.

Sadly, pretty much the only part of my life that has never fully worked out is the relationship part. Everything else I knocked out of the park. I hope I don't sound too conceded here and I of course have my faults but when compared to what seems to be out there - especially OLD - I mean c'mon, how am I in this place? But I am.

I feel I'm on a roll though. Got another great weekend coming up here, including sex with, er um I mean a "date with" this latest girl. LOL
_________________________
DonH

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#2795794 - 06/13/18 12:51 PM Re: Meanwhile 12 Years Later [Re: DonH]
Vanilla Offline
Member

Registered: 10/03/14
Posts: 8370
Loc: UK
All this analysis!

Go hook up have fun and hang out.

V
_________________________
Life is for living

V 64, WAW now free from the G



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#2795811 - 06/13/18 02:31 PM Re: Meanwhile 12 Years Later [Re: Vanilla]
kml Online
Member

Registered: 01/18/03
Posts: 13718
Quote:
it is increasingly looking to me like there are just a lot of crazy women out there


Haha - yes there are. I have often said I'm glad I don't have to date women! Even my female friendships are limited to the few smart sane ones.

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#2796525 - Today at 06:16 AM Re: Meanwhile 12 Years Later [Re: kml]
DonH Offline
Member

Registered: 06/27/05
Posts: 1091
Loc: Midwest / Me 53/ WAW-EXW 52 Me...
Well since several of us here are reporting on our weekend dates... I went out with wild girl - which I think is the perfect name for what to call her here. LOL. She lives just a bit over an hour away and as I'm driving to meet her in her small town, I get a text saying "I'm really looking forward to seeing you." Hmmmmmm, nice touch girl. We met on a patio for drinks and perhaps some food. We were both right on time. Her cousin's friend was in from Chicago and she really wanted to see them as well - so much she was nearly torn about keeping our date a few days ago but we decided she should do both.

I found out more and was able to verify other things. The topic of age did come up. She's said before I'm not her typical type or out of her box but didn't elaborate. I'm now better understanding that. Sounds like she's gotten a reputation with the younger guys. She's 42 so I when I told her I'm 55 (only after she asked) she took a bit of a breath and said "It's only a number" as if trying to convince herself.

There was only one brief, slightly awkward silence. Otherwise the conversation, laughter and flirting went well. It was really hot outside, she loves the heat, and it was fine by me since we were the only ones out there which netted me several really nice kisses. I was able to clear up the married guy thing. Not sure if this is shades of the truth and I know as with so many here, people tend to believe what they want to when people tell them things - even though they might know deep down something is wrong - like when someone claims they are not having an affair to their spouse and the spouse wants to believe it. This dude claimed he was separated and D was filed. It was after his wife became pregnant that it came apart and she left. Much better than knowingly carrying on an affair on her part.

She was supposed to leave to meet the others at about 6. Well 6 became 6:30, then 7:00 then a little after when she said she'd better go. More kisses on the street and I said I'd walk her to her car. Well instead she walked me to her friends bar where she had sent the text from earlier. They told her to bring me back if she liked me. Well she did. There was hardly anyone in the bar so we had a few more kisses and a very interesting somewhat brief encounter as we went to the restroom. I shared the details with Ginger off line but the rest of you will have to use your imagination. smile

I really get the feeling I could have pushed things much father. She even said she promised herself she would not sleep with me on the first date. I just knew it was the best to get her to her friends and end an otherwise pretty nice first date after about 4 hours. We went our separate ways although had one or two texts after. She asked if she could call me after she got home later that night but she fell asleep at her friends house.

She was with her family for fathers day. I'm on my way to a gig when my phone rings. It's a guitar player who is now the father-in-law to her brother. I've known him professionally for like 30 years or more. He called to say hi after wild girl to them of our date. "I'm with wild girl's family. I hear you and wild girl had a hot date yesterday." he says. So she obviously told her family - who know me and I was with last weekend. Can't image she'd have done that if she wasn't interested in at least another date or two. Nothing much more since.

So that's how it went. What do I think? Well... I found out things to confirm my suspicions - including pretty significant physical abuse from her ex H. The girls (15 & 17) don't even see their dad anymore. That's sad. It also has to do damage and may be why she leads with sex and not committed hook ups. This is more behavior of a 22 year old not 42. Am I wrong? She is clearly not serious GF material for long term. But I'm nearly certain we will be going out again. Not sure about the cruise. I did bring it up in a round about way - mostly because I was informed on Friday they want my guest's name, DOB, etc. NOW. I think I've still got it pushed off but let her know about this trip and how I get to take someone. I just have reservations she may be too wild and the very last thing I'd want is someone embarrassing me in front of hundreds of people who know me. Remember, I'm there to perform. I DO NOT do drama like that and have never had a "scene" with someone in my life. I'm not starting now.

This post has already gotten long and I'm nearly certain it will be continued, but I already find this interesting. Other than the prior damage and other "issues" at play, she really is what I think and thought I was looking for: Someone that is not looking for serious or a BF, someone that is fun, doesn't live too close so as to "stop over" daily, etc. and someone great in bed. It would appear that's what I've found, but now I'm not so sure it's what I want. I really worry about all the other guys - for multiple reasons including medical. It's nice that I'm in a "Safe" place as there is no way I'll fall for this girl. If she cuts it off, it won't be much of a blow and certainly not like it would be if I really was falling for her. Yet, hmmmmmm, I'm just not sure. Actually, my brain is pretty sure but the rest of me is enjoying it too much to stop. It's still nice to be have someone to do things with. Not going to lie, getting a text or like the phone call yesterday just feels good. I'm in a much better mood - which pisses me off too as it should not take something like this to be in a better mood. I should be putting myself there - not her.

Anyhow, that's the latest. We will see what happens this week. She wants to come and see my house - I know which part of the house too. smile That might happen this Sunday, but nothing at all confirmed yet. And there you go!
_________________________
DonH

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