Sounds like your wife is getting a taste of her own medicine. I find this update very interesting because your wife could have cared less how her actions affected you when she left but now she hears you're having fun and she doesn't like that at all. It's interesting to see how the tide has turned and following DB guidelines has empowered you whereas your wife's situation is deteriorating. If she's ever going to come back it seems it will be fairly soon as she hits rock bottom unless she's too far gone to go back to being a married wife / mom in her old role. Most importantly it's great to hear that you and your daughters are enjoying your time together!
Sounds like your wife is getting a taste of her own medicine...If she's ever going to come back it seems it will be fairly soon as she hits rock bottom unless she's too far gone to go back to being a married wife / mom in her old role.
Yes, thank you for the interest. I just had a good buddy (knows my ww and I well, was in our wedding,etc) say Man she's close to hitting rock bottom.
She is being persistent about the party, probably because the girls are all excited. Last night I bought them princess Tiras with sashes to wear at their birthday party and a pinatas to have fun with their friends. I overheard them telling WW about the pinatas during the nightly goodnight call. She texted me today "the girls invited me to the party this weekend..." Dot dot dot as in she was expecting a response. I was driving and didn't respond. Then I get "I don't see anything positive in me not going it only hurts them". Unreal, she doesn't see that it hurts them every other day now their family is torn apart. Here is the guilt card again, I'm supposed to feel bad and give in. The old Natash would have but the new Natash is going to respond "Due to the current circumstances, everyone has felt hurt. I have planned this party for D5 to have fun with her friends and my family. I'm sure D5 wouldn't mind if you planned a party some time for her with your family and friends. I did not send you an invitation, therefore you are not invited."
How does this sound?
Me:37 W:42 T:14 yrs M:10.5 yrs D:7 D:5 BD: 1/6/18 OM Discovered: 1/29/18 WW moved out 5/12/18
Natash, I am getting excited about D5s party just reading about it! And walking out of WWs home while she was spewing over you was super cool. Your LRT is actually showing results I think. Now that her world is not what she imagined when she would be on her own and she sees you having a wholesome life without her she is questioning her decisions. Of course it is also her emotional vulnerability with the A not going well and meeting its expected end. Any emotions that the WAS gets to question their decision is a positive step, your WW is feeling left out, guilty and depressed. Well we all have learnt actions have equal and opposite reactions didnt we. It is okay to be caught off guard we cannot live a life of peace if we are high strung all the time but you seemed to have reacted perfectly. Good to know the separation is actually working out for you. I am able to tell the difference with your posts before and after the separation. You are really having a picnic while she is in her cold, dark castle, enjoy the sun. And just ask her to have her own party, say D5 would love having 2 parties instead of just one.
Thank you hongaku, Arsh, and V. I never knew what the Biff technique was so I looked it up. I like that and wish I had known about it earlier.
So the other day while I was working at a former nuclear power plant , ww sent me a text saying "the girls invited me to the party last weekend..." I was working and did not respond. Came to the board, got some advice. I got home and ate supper at 10:30 that night and started typing a response at bedtime. I was getting tired as I looked it over and it was 11pm so I said I'll wait till morning to send it.
Morning came and D7 called Mom to tell her D5 didn't have a big enough water bottle for field day. Ww texts me so I erase the response from the night before I was working on to reply to the most recent texts with questions and then the house phone rings. D7 answers and says dad it's mom and she wants to talk with you. I said hello? Ww says " do I need to return home and get a water bottle?" I said no. WW" well D7 called and now I'm in the middle and I hate this" as her voice continued to get louder and louder and louder. I said "ww you need to lower your voice if you want to continue this conversation with me" she replies "excuse me mr.perfect" and lowered her voice. I said like I was saying, D5 is all set. I have given her my water bottle for the day. Ww says "well I'm so used to doing this I have been the one having to provide for them over the last seven years". I said "really, you gave been the only one providiy for them these past 7 years?" Ww responded. Goodbye, and I said bye. Looking back I probably should have said that. Maybe should have validated her thought? I think she was trying to explain what she was use to and how she felt now but I immediately took it as an insult like I have not been providing for my kids. Later that day, ww texted me saying sorry about this morning.
So I decided I would text WW Friday night letting her know I had addressed all of her texts but the one about the party. I decided to do it on Friday when the girls were with me. I didn't want ww discussing or questioning or getting the kids involved.
Well, it never got that far. Today the girls had no school so the plan was ww would have them until 11 and drop them off at my work. Ww comes into shop to drop girls off and immediately D7starys in about mom wanting to go to the party. I said "d7 please, I was talking with your mom about sunscreen and I can only listen to one person at a time" as we were walking out the door (ww following). Again D7 said the same thing and ww said " it's ok, it's a no because he never responded." I turned and looked at her and said "feel free to have a party for d5, this one is for d5s friends and my family this weekend". Now what I'm about to type is the main reason for updating here tonight...I couldn't believe it. Ww says "oh believe me I will and this isn't how you go about getting someone back!" I said "what are you talking about?" She said " you make it out to my friends that we are working on things and talking" I said absolutely not. She said "well I try to talk to you and you don't talk" (nonsense, I don't understand or believe this for a second as no effort has been made on her part). I said to ww " I told you in February if we don't talk and work together we will grow further apart and you never had a talk with me once until the day you moved out. Ww says "no more like 26 conversations we had" I said yes and everyone of those I initiated and you only initiated one and that was on the last day. Remeber, you are the one who moved out" She responded "well sometimes you need to step away and take a break for a bit" When I heard this I knew I had to get in my truck because I knew next I would be saying that's not how a marriage works. You don't step out, step away, cheat etc when things get tough or your not Happy."A relationship conversation in the parking lot at work in front of my kids was the last thing I wanted today so I got in the truck. The conversation was calm but I could tell ww was irritated and acting as if I'm supposed to beg her to come back. Ww came over to the truck and mentioned sunscreen again. So the conversation came back to the sunscreen I needed.ww says I'll buy you another bottle. I said im capable of that but it's not the point. I had just bought a bottle and told d5 and d7 that I want it to come back to me with their school bags (so I could store the bags for the summer and have sunscreen for around the pool). Ww says I did not know that. I said ok I need to get going so we parted ways.
So I take the girls home. They are swimming and I've got my shirt off working on my tan on a beautiful blue sky day while sipping a beer and in the backyard comes ww. She went to her parents house to get the school bags and sunscreen before heading to work. I thanked her and then she noticed a bench by the fire pit I just rehabbed. She said is that new or the same old bench? (I had asked her late last summer to freshen up the bench and she never did so I pressure washed it,scraped off the pitch and painted the metal legs a textured black and the simulated wood vinyl a satin brown). I said it's the old one. She said wow that looks brand new, it looks awesome. I said thank you and she left.
Tomorrow is clean and prep in the morning. In the afternoon I will be giving d5 her gifts and then we will go out to eat for a birthday meal and Sunday will be the fun party!
Me:37 W:42 T:14 yrs M:10.5 yrs D:7 D:5 BD: 1/6/18 OM Discovered: 1/29/18 WW moved out 5/12/18
Seems like some provocative testing behavior on her part to try and get you into an argument...
Just keep working on keeping your cool and doing what you are doing. Perhaps she is beginning to stop running and starting to slowly turn around to pursue you now. Either way, your DBing is clearly having some kind of effect your W. Keep it up!
M: 40 W: 37 T: 20 MR: 13 S13, S9, S4 BD: 1/29/18 Sep: 4/23/18 (I moved out) 8/24/18 I come home, she moves out
If you want to get out of the hole, drop the shovel.
