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Part 2, original:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2781280&page=1

Originally Posted By: mtb1981
Have your own party without the W. Her wanting to come home and do that is some serious cake eating. She can have another party for your D somewhere else some other time if she wants. She needs to feel the loss. Remember, she fired you from being her H...


Thank you MTB, makes perfect sense as I have been fired. Time to plan my first birthday party for D5. Pool party with pizza, basketball, water balloons and squirt guns here we come! Looking forward to a stress free fun party where kids can be kids and MIL and WW won't be on the guest list this year.


Me:37 W:42
T:14 yrs M:10.5 yrs
D:7 D:5
BD: 1/6/18 OM Discovered: 1/29/18
WW moved out 5/12/18
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Natash, awesome plan. Go crazy planning the party without your W, make it the best your D5 has ever had, god only knows the kids deserve every additional dose of happiness. Think of things she will enjoy with her friends, what she is really into these days make that the theme of the party. Ask your D7 for help, this can be a daddy-daughter project and she can give you some great insight into what D5 might enjoy. Make it a day you all cherish forever, oh and yes sorry your W was not invited, you were too busy to remember or miss her

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Thanks Arsh, I love it. I already bought the water balloons and while reading your response realized I've got to get a pile of fake tattoos..D5 and her friends love them. Tomorrow night I plan to inform WW I'm planning a party on my own. Next up, gifts and invitations.

On a different note, I've been contacted this week by two different friends. One knows what has been going with WW and I and the other just found out. Both suggested we grab a beer soon and catch up. I'm looking forward to it.


Me:37 W:42
T:14 yrs M:10.5 yrs
D:7 D:5
BD: 1/6/18 OM Discovered: 1/29/18
WW moved out 5/12/18
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Party Time!!!!... Have fun!!!...


Me: 38
W:31
Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4
M: 10 years
T:12 years
BD:Jan 3, 2018
W moved out: Apr 13,2018
Filed for D: Jun 2018
D final: Sep 2019

"Surrender to the Flow"...
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Natash - have the time of your life -make this the most memorable party your children will remember.


M51 w50
T-20Yrs M-16Yrs
S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up
1 Awesum dog
BD 10/31/17
separate rooms 02/08/18
wife moved out 05/17/18

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MTB and Lone Wolf, thanks for the comments and support!

Tonight i made an Italian pasta salad per D7 for the first time and grilled and ate by the pool with D's. D7 loved the salad so I did all right. Came up with a list of kids to invite with D5's help. Designed the photo invitations tonight and started some online shopping. I never imagined in my wildest dreams I'd be think of myself or be a single dad...let alone the one doing things my W always did... but I got this! I love challenges and us much as this sitch [censored], I'm learning from it and will come out a more rounded person at the end.


Me:37 W:42
T:14 yrs M:10.5 yrs
D:7 D:5
BD: 1/6/18 OM Discovered: 1/29/18
WW moved out 5/12/18
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Keep going- You got this alright!!


M51 w50
T-20Yrs M-16Yrs
S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up
1 Awesum dog
BD 10/31/17
separate rooms 02/08/18
wife moved out 05/17/18

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I think tonight might be the first time in over half a year that I am, well how's the best way to describe it,in a better place or doing better than my WW? I know she is at a low/dark point in her life but until recently it seemed she had all the control and power over things. Since she has moved out, I feel as if I'm moving on. I don't know if that will be with her or without her but Im improving and moving forward.

My girls and I have fun every day that we are together. They have become better listeners and I am working with them when they get upset (common to bicker with each other) for whatever reason to explain why they are upset and talk through it vs just shouting something while getting mad (like stop!). Our relationship is better than ever.

So last night WW sent me three texts about getting D5s ears pierced for her birthday and a family BBQ at school tonight. I chose to respond this morning with "thank you for the updates and regarding D5s birthday, I am on my own planning a party for her. Instantly she responded "I already figured that! Have fun" Then two hours later while we were both at work she sends me a text "I would love to attend her party!" I didn't respond but thought oh I bet you would!Instead she will miss out on the fun, the memories, the friends (some of whom will be wondering where's Mrs.Natash? I wonder why Mr Natash planned and put on the party by himself?)

Tonight I took Ds to the school math night and family BBQ. After we picked up the photo invitations I had made (first time doing something like this and they turned out well). Tonight on her nightly call to mom to say goodnight, D7 told WW we got the invitations, what they looked like and when the party was...then she asked her if she wanted to come! D7 said w said she'd talk with me first. By the time D5 got the phone to say good night, I heard her ask mom why she sounded like that?then she said are you crying? I struggle with what to say and what not to say to D's regarding the sitch but I did tell D7 it was not her place to invite Mom. I know they are in a hard spot and they are excited for the party to boot. So it appears we was crying tonight and maybe for the first time, WW is feeling real pain from her choices made. I have been told commennts on FB from OM have almost stopped, as with him liking everything W posts. Yesterday W posted a pic via Snapchat of her with some devil ears and tail and OM posted "agreed" (from what I'm told, I don't follow fb close and om has blocked me so I can't see his comments) These little things coupled with a few other posts regarding self reflection make me wonder if the A isn't going as well as it has been? Or has WW noticed I'm working at moving on? I don't know and don't want to read into things too much as none of it really matters unless WW takes some responsibility and shows some remorse. I'm just sharing my observations.

What would a real man's / non MNG response to a possible question regarding attending D5s party look like? I may or may not be approached with it but I'm thinking about saying "You made it apparent by moving out that you do not want to be part of this house and it's activities, let alone the family that lives in it therefore you were not invited to the party"


Me:37 W:42
T:14 yrs M:10.5 yrs
D:7 D:5
BD: 1/6/18 OM Discovered: 1/29/18
WW moved out 5/12/18
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Quote:
What would a real man's / non MNG response to a possible question regarding attending D5s party look like?


WW: "I would love to attend D5's BD party".

You: "Considering our current arrangement, I think it would be best if you didn't".

WW: "You really mean it's best for you! D5 asked me to go to her party and she'll be crushed if I am not there".

You: "This situation has not been easy for any of us". "I'm sure D5 would not object to having two BD parties, if you want to give her one for your family & friends to attend. My family & friends will be attending this one".

WW: "You are a selfish jerk!"

You: "Okay, bye"


I am not the best at wording dialogs. The thing is, your WW practically invited herself, which is not appropriate. Allow her to experience the reality of her bad decisions to tear apart her family.

I am happy to hear you are doing much better. ((hugs))


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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Thank you Sandi, I like the dialogue you mocked up. I haven't had to use it as I believe WW gets the hint that she has forfeited her welcome and will not be invited.

I had a great weekend. Friday night I got free tickets to a a Whitesnake and Foreigner concert an hour away. It was great and I'm glad I accepted the invitation. Saturday I helped my dad do maintenance on his boat and it's motor before putting it in the lake for the summer. Later on, I found out WW found out (via D7)I had bought a motorcycle. That coupled with me going to a concert (very rare) to see two bands she liked set her bitterness agoing. When I went to drop off my girls after being able to have them for a few hours on father's day, I hugged and kissed them goodbye. I didn't look at WW, let alone speak to her and she came up to the truck window as I began to back out. She snaps " so what did you buy me for a motorcycle, a Harley or crotch rocket or what? I said excuse me? She said " you heard me, that's marital debt and half that is mine and keep the kids out of this!" I said "the bike is like a dirt bike" as she turned her back and began walking away spouting something else. I said " Don't walk away from me while I'm talking. First you mention the bike, then you bring up the kids, what are you getting at? Ww said " D7 said you (natash) said you were doing things mom didn't need to know about and mom is doing things dad doesn't know about". I said " yes, when she first saw the bike she was all excited and was going to stop what we were doing to call and tell you. I told her not to do that and Mom will find out at some point about the bike. Then she said "but we don't keep secrets." I said you are right we shouldn't and it's not a seceret. There are times dad will do things that mom doesn't know about and there are things mom is doing that dad does not know about. (Now I realize there may have been a better way to say and handle this but it's hard for me to answer the questions from my inquisitive intelligent D7 that does not miss a thing without discussing too much, say the wrong thing or sound like I'm talking bad about her mom). At this point I'm acting calm and not reacting at all to my ww getting worked up. Then she says:

"well, I'm not doing anything! I'm not dating anyone, I'm not going out going to concerts (a false statement as she has been to two this year that I know of). I come home and find something to do".

I just smiled and said goodbye as I continued to back out. As I left, I realized I was caught off guard by her confronting me. I've been away from her long enough ilet my guard down. So I told myself, be prepared every time she is around. I also believe she was trying to play the guilt card on me. Oh poor her, she's not dating anyone (I suspect OM may have backed out of the picture some) and she knew I had a new motorcycle to enjoy and went to a concert (which was free but she doesn't know that). Poor her, oh my goodness, waahhhhh! I think what she was trying to communicate is that I'm spending all this money to have fun and she isn't (having fun or spending lots of money). I'm having fun (which has been inexpensive compared to running a home on a single income that used to run on two incomes) GAL and becoming my old self again. I'm more free and happier than I've been in months if not a year. My girls look forward to there time with me and never look forward to going back with Mom so for at the moment I believe what I'm doing is working. I will be better at the end of this journey wether it is with a recovered ww or someone else that I'm better off being with.


Me:37 W:42
T:14 yrs M:10.5 yrs
D:7 D:5
BD: 1/6/18 OM Discovered: 1/29/18
WW moved out 5/12/18
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