Gerda Keeps Traveling North

[Gerda]

DnJ just told me I had to start a new thread in order to hear from everyone again. Thank goodness, I thought no one was going to answer! I think I thought it just somehow happened magically. I guess I have hit the forum big time now.

I am not going to write about my sitch this morning, I am just too overwhelmed today. Instead I will give everyone the reason for my screen name. It is a story I knew from reading it to my S when he was little, and I always loved it. I thought of it immediately at BD. It is all our stories really, at least those of us who keep standing! A lot of you are Brave Little Gerda too! I am not sure I can put a link here, so if it doesn't work, you just have to google the snow queen hans christian andersen. Read it and you will say, ohhhhhhhhh, yes.

http://www.andersen.sdu.dk/vaerk/hersholt/TheSnowQueen_e.html

[Gerda]

P.S. It is what the writers of Frozen based their story on but you will see the original is much closer to our stories. All of us will recognize BD in the first part of the story. I think it will bring you all some comfort, as fairy tales always do, putting our lives into these sharp but beautiful lines of truth.

[job]

Gerda,

The very last posting on your old thread is from me and I posted that it was time to start a new thread. I am going to put the link for your new thread on your previous thread and vice versa for the old to the new thread for you this time around. When a thread is locked, I will take care of adding the link to the new threads for readers.

Previous Thread:

Withdrawal, The Worst Stage Yet?

[DnJ]

Gerda, on how not to engage? Stick to the business at hand and keep emotions out of it. Watch out for all the bait he is throwing you, I am a sad follower, no claim to love, truth, or insight, etc...

You mentioned you are willing to attend a meeting to show respect for your H as a man. You also indicated that you believe there is a tiny shred that might show that H is actually wanting to fix the finances. So we will build on that.

An MLCer is an emotional mess and engaging them emotionally will not be very productive. Perhaps sticking to intellectual engagement will yield better results.

I am assuming you would actually consider taking a better path out of your debts if possible.

That being said...

- - -

H

I would also like to find a more effective path out of our debt and I am willing to consider different options. However, please do not preclude that our current strategy may indeed be the most effective.

Lets consider consulting 3 or 4 different financial planners with our current financial situation. We can then review and consolidate their advice, examining the time frames, the risks, and the effects. Then, together, we can chart a course forward.

I would like to compete this process within a few months. Please find two or three financial planners and I will do the same. We can then setup appointments in four weeks time and be properly prepared.

Gerda

- - -

I am not trying to put words in your mouth or lead you to any particular action. I just want to show - keep to one topic, keep emotions out of it, be clear, and give a timeframe. Much like if you were writing it for work or your boss.

Hope it helps.

[DnJ]

What a wonderful story.

I had never read it.

A most fitting screen name.

I did get a chuckle in chapter five of the sweetheart reindeer name - Bae. The new cool word to describe your sweetheart. It was interesting to see it in print from such an old story.

Keep the faith Gerda. Hopefully you can melt the ice when the time is right.

[Gerda]

DnJ, thank you for writing all this and for giving me ideas of what to say. I must be very confused because when I read what you wrote as a sample for me, I was in minor shock. I don't know why. I think I don't have the confidence of a post like that or I have been hiding under a rock. The thought of saying that I wanted to bring my own finance people and see many of them-- well, it is a confidence and an energy maybe I don't even have right now. I just want to avoid the whole thing and hide in my room. But I think you are right. I should be thinking about it in this positive and open way, with confidence.

My H has been a little more involved with our son since the ACS came. He even came back in time yesterday to help get my son to school, but my son had already prepared and was ready to go on time. My stepfather came, have not seen him in a couple of years (my mom died in 2015, two years after BD 1, one year after my cancer) and he is building a wall in my son's room, so it's a really good trip. My stepdad is a truly great guy. And my H went up to our cabin, too scared I guess to encounter my stepdad. So I have a few days of being around a dad-ish figure who really loves me, and getting help making my house more of a home. So all that is kind of good. I find that my expectations still rear up anytime there is some small swing in the pendulum towards me -- so lately my H was a little more around and involved and wanted to chat all the time, so when he left for our cabin and made sure to be on the far side of the room to say goodbye -- because sometimes when he leaves he shakes my hand like a boy in 7th grade who kind of likes you or something -- or sometimes if I am close by and he is going away for some days, I will even give him a small hug and he sort of stiffly takes it. Anyway, he kind of shouted goodbye from 15 feet away and ran out and I felt that wave of rejection all over again, all day. Staying detached is very hard with an in-house.

I am hoping Gordie will check in on my thread soon too.

[Gerda]

Also, DnJ, if you haven't read it yet, the Last Battle is the last in the Chronicles of Narnia series. I read them all to my son when he was younger but my daughter doesn't have the reading ability for it yet. If you have the chance to read all, amazing. If you have the chance to just read the Last Battle, that's good too! Or you can wait for grandkids to come along and sit on your beautiful bench with some lemonade reading to them. But that one scene I am talking about I will describe when I have a moment, it's very relevant.

[SBJ]

Gerda, what is the name of that standers group in Friendswood you were telling sjohn about? I have some ppl in that area that could use it. THX

[Gordie]

Gerda

I liked d n j s letter

I do think you should trest him like an adult

Even if he acts like a little boy

Does he see you as an authority figure

Peace

[DnJ]

Hi Gerda

I am glad your stepdad is visiting. Sounds like it is a very good time for you.

It is great that he is making your house more like a home. Is son helping build the wall in his room?

Funny how H, with all his vocabulary and wordy writings, is just a little boy when leaving and saying goodbye.

Gerda, you are a smart woman. Keep walking your path and stay strong. You will find your confidence.