Admittedly Steve, I was taken aback by this phone call as I was wondering why she would be dreaming about me. I figured it had to be a good thing as I must be in her head. We'll see what happens next.
No Btrow, she knows I never cheated on her. That was never an issue as she knows full well I'm not a cheater. I do completely believe she had this dream... especially since the nicotine patches are known to cause strange dreams.
Funny, as she had told me a couple times back when we still talking post-divorce and once since we've been talking again that I would always show up in her dreams. She would say I wouldn't say anything in her dreams; that I would just stand there and watch her with a smile. But yes, I think she really had this dream. The cheating part of it I think may be her subconsciously not liking that I see/have seen other girls possibly...maybe even her still wondering who went to the concert with me. Just a guess on my part. Guess we'll see what she does next.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
imo--this is about her not being sure she wants to commit... and while they are not in a DB-ing situation, they are EXES... she knows she can't lead him on and then dump him... that would be too cruel... she is hesitant because she is not ready say she can commit to him... she doesn't want to hurt him again... she doesn't want him to get his hopes up... she is not there at this time... doesn't mean she won't be there some day, but right now is not the time for her...
Yeah I agree. I mean granted none of us know what she's really thinking, but this sounds right based on her actions so far.
So IH, it sounds to me like you are only interested in pursuing a romantic R with her, not in friendship? Part of my reformation after reading NMMNG was to just freakin' say what I'm thinking, ask for what I want. If I were in your shoes I would tell her I'd like to talk and ask her out to drinks and/or dinner, then just flat-out tell her "I've enjoyed this time together but to be honest I am looking for a romantic relationship right now and have been dating. If that is something you might be interested in then I am willing, but if you just want to be friends then I am sorry but that is not something I want or need in my life right now." If she doesn't know what she wants then tell her to let you know when she figures it out, until then you are going to keep dating others. Her indecisiveness is not your problem and should not control your actions! Force her to make a choice.
Yes AS, that's still my plan. To get her to go out. However what I want to know is why, why, why is she so peristent in contacting me? I mean just when I think she's gone for awhile sure enough some other text comes in. This most recent one sent at 6AM is particularly baffling. I mean sure, we all have nightmares at times, in fact I've had dreams about WAW a few times over recent years but it didn't prompt me to text her when I woke up from the dream and request her to call me. I just told myself it was a dream and moved on with my day.
She also seems to have an insatiable appetite to talk about old memories...almost to an excessive degree, every time we communicate. Not that I mind mind you; we had some great and funny memories...it'd just that I feel like it she was truly over me/our marriage as she seems to want to relay, I don't think she'd be wanting to constantly revisit old times and most certainly wouldn't be dreaming about me... especially the part with the two girls hanging all over me. I'm no professional dream analyst or anything but it seems to me that type of dream isn't one most girls would have about someone they just consider a "friend." I have lady friends and if I happened to dream of them with some other guy I wouldn't think much of it. I certainly wouldn't be mad and want to "kick his butt." I would be indifferent to it. The main thing is she in finding reasons to contact me every few days or so and that is a good thing. Positively identifying her motives for that is the next goal.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
Hi Guys, Well I just woke up to a text from WAW that she sent very, very early this morning. She said...
"Had a horrible nightmare please call me when you can!!"
i think she made this up... i have known women to use this bad dream tactic as a way to keep in touch with a guy... the bad dream is always about a guy she is not in a relationship with--but wants to stay connected to... it's made up... usually she says, "i had a dream you died... i needed to call you to make sure you were okay... blah, blah, blah..." i do not know why we (females) do these kinds of things, but we do...
if any gal ever does this type of thing to either of my sons, i will advise them not to believe her...
It hurts this is just my instinct which is probably wrong but I feel your ex-wife may wish for you to pursue her more aggressively. It seems when you don't, she backs off, but still drops hints here-and-there that she's thinking of you.
Yes AS, that's still my plan. To get her to go out. However what I want to know is why, why, why is she so peristent in contacting me?
Well I think Artista is spot on- she is hesitant to commit, she wants to rekindle something but she's afraid she'll want to leave you again and she doesn't want to put you through that again. I mean that would be the ultimate cruelty. So she's keeping it "safe" by friendzoning you. She may think you are OK with that, but you are not, and thus my suggestion that you talk to her about it.
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This most recent one sent at 6AM is particularly baffling. I mean sure, we all have nightmares at times, in fact I've had dreams about WAW a few times over recent years but it didn't prompt me to text her when I woke up from the dream and request her to call me. I just told myself it was a dream and moved on with my day.
This is just conjecture on my part but I think she's just really confused about what she wants. Her feelings were speaking to her in the dream and that is furthering her confusion. If you give her the "let's date or seeya" ultimatum and then you go dark on her, that may very well snap her out of this and make her commit. But I think as long as you allow her to friendzone you that it's going to stay there indefinitely.
I'm wondering if I should start initiating some texts to her every once in awhile. That might show that I am interested in talking to her. The only think I don't like about some of the posts here are they all seem predicated on the fact that WAW just assumes I want her back and that she can have me whenever she wants. Thus the "she doesn't want to hurt you again" type remarks. I've tried very hard to play it cool and not act like I want R but it seems you guys think it's a given in WAW's mind anyway. In other words, how can WAW's reason for not pushing more be because she doesn't want to hurt me again? From where I'm standing she shouldn't even be sure if I am open to R at all.
Other than that yes, as I said before, the next time she expresses interest in hanging out we're going out somewhere and I'm having a convo with her about where this is going. Basically telling her we can't sustain a friendship healthily.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
So V, am I to understand that in your opinion she doesn't think I want her back; instead she thinks I already know that she wants ME back?
If so, do you think I should initiate some texts to her then every once in awhile?
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
