Had a pretty good day yesterday. Went to the gym. Did some job searching. The company that I interviewed twice for has asked for my references. A good sign -hoping for good results! Spent some time with S and then went cycling 32k in the hills. Hit my goal of 200 lbs-actually this morning I'm 198 lbs. Next goal is 195 lbs. I found out also one of the kids that my S goes to school with whom I also coach for baseball is also undergoing traumatic changes because his parents are also separating. We are around the same age group because I use to compete against his dad in high school sports. The kids dad had reached out to me once he found out what I too was going thru. He has requested to meet briefly today. Guess it is much of the same thing - Be the best you can be!! Blessings to all- Stay Well!!
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
That is awesome about the kid's dad wanting to meet. I have found it invaluable to speak and get perspective from those that have been there before. And even from the other side from people like sandi, that have been in the WWs shoes before. Great opportunity for you!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
It sounds like you are doing really well. Congrats! It seems like there a lot of bikers on this board. I am one as well.
Yeah. I wish I knew more people in person who were going through this. My boss has been through a D before and was very sympathetic to me, but he has a lot of distance on it, and I am not sure exactly what the scenario was.
Having as many pillars of support around you is huge. For me it is this board, my IC, my parents, my best friend, the counselor at my school, and then my pals that I GAL with (but do not share with).
It's great to hear a good update. Keep it up!
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
Davide Steve85- always nice to have good people in my corner. Thanks for the support.
If you have been reading my stitch- you will know that my W, my S and I will be meeting with my S therapist on Friday. I will meet her in the waiting where I will keep convo short and upbeat as I would with a neighbour. I will dress well and wear good cologne as to be pleasing to both eyes and nose. I will not engage in talks about R. I will use appropriate times to validate. I will have my tablet for reading as to keep me occupied. My question is, if and when the therapist starts to talk about R, how do I respond accordingly? Do I give detail or do I keep it simple? What are the pitfalls I need to be aware of and stay away?
This session is more for my S to ask W questions so she can answer them because he is angry for her quitting.
Thank you again
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
"My question is, if and when the therapist starts to talk about R, how do I respond accordingly? Do I give detail or do I keep it simple?"
This is for your son. Completely open and forthright honesty, holding nothing back. This has no chance of success for your S with anything less than that.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Well this is the first session so let the counselor guide the discussion, but I really think when it comes to direct questions they deserve a direct and honest answer. Try not to point the blame at the W, especially since I think your S will handle most of that for you.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
S85 my point here is do I need to stay away from anything that points blame on W. How honest do I get?
You absolutely do not want to assign blame to W. She will just assign it right back to you saying things like "You were never there for me", "you were emotionally absent", "you forced me into this". Keep in mind you're dealing with a WAS, NOTHING is her fault. YOU are to blame for EVERYTHING in her eyes. So yeah, no blaming. You want to present a united front for S.
This by the way is the second session. The first session had S in tears as he was explaining to W how this was affecting him. He also mentioned that from Dad's coaching he's learned to Ste Goals and objectives. Always give 120% effort and to NEVER QUIT! He asked W what she's was trying to teach him by separating? She said she thinks God wants us to be happy and to strive for happiness. He replied that the only lesson he's learning fro W about this is to run from your problems.( WOW- I was impressed) One of the things I preach is to be prepared- when S pulled out this crumpled paper with scribbling on it I temporarily gasped thinking he threw things together. When it was finished- I said I was so proud of him for being vulnerable and honest and gave him a huge hug. He followed that up by saying- Are you proud enough of me to take me to McDonalds? LOL- Yep! he got what he wanted.
Guess I have to be the lighthouse- stable and unwavering in calmness.
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
LW this post kind of bums me out as it has your S going against his Mom this kind of thing will only grow into greater resentment from him to her. NO matter what happens between you and W they need to have a loving relationship and connection for life. I feel like you rewarded him for this kind of behavior which is not good behavior. This creates a bad dynamic of teaming up on W. I am speaking from experience here this is the type of stuff my dad would do when my parents split up and 30 years later I am in therapy to repair the relationship with my mom because of the seed of deceit he planted when I was young.
M 40 W 34 Together 7 Married 2 No Kids BD 1/18 need space Moved out 2/18 ILYBNILWY & Asked for D 3/18 W filed for D 6/18 D final 10/18
