Advice on my Scenario Pt. 7 - Onward and Upward

[JujuB]

Great Job Orange!

Preparation is so important. I hope this judge saw through her bullshit about being in another room.

You mention that you do not have primary residence, but would like it. What are the obstacles to obtaining primary residence? If she does decide to request child support (my guess is, she will) would this be a factor?

[OrangeK]

You mention that you do not have primary residence, but would like it. What are the obstacles to obtaining primary residence? If she does decide to request child support (my guess is, she will) would this be a factor?

I honestly have no idea, that's my homework to do between now and Sept.
She doesnt seem to want to fight with me on any of the points of Divorce. she looks like she is shooting for 50/50 also. I just dont want to involve child support, there is no point. We'll See.

[OrangeK]

I think this is the start of truly DBing for me. The judge kind of hinted that he thinks the TRO should go away and that her and i need to be communicative for S3's sake.

I imagine some dynamics of this situation will change in the next few weeks. Ill keep you all posted!

[SteveLW]

I think this is the start of truly DBing for me. The judge kind of hinted that he thinks the TRO should go away and that her and i need to be communicative for S3's sake.

I imagine some dynamics of this situation will change in the next few weeks. Ill keep you all posted!

OK, I like your outlook on this. Very healthy. As I've said before, everything happens for a reason. Based on your pre-TRO behavior I am guessing that without the TRO something would have occurred that would have cemented your fate with your W. The TRO gave you the time and space to 180, to GAL, to work on you. And when it is lifted you will be in a much healthier place to do the DB work that maybe pre-TRO you wouldn't have been.

[OrangeK]

All i hope for now is an amicable co-parenting situation with no drama and backstabbing so we can both just focus on S3.
Our marriage is dead and gone, i just want the stress to go away and to just worry about being a good dad.
I'm relieved that it seems she doesn't want to battle me in court.
Hopefully we can both come to an agreement and get this all done with and behind us.

[sandi2]

I'm glad you are pleased with how things went. I hope you will check out what "primary" residence really means. In my state, it is the same as "physical" residence. Don't just assume it is what it sounds. If there is really no 50/50 with each parent.......then some child support may be ordered, based on who holds primary residence. It happened to my adult son, before he could recover from being blindsided by his WW. I got the impression your WW and her lawyer sneaked one over on you.....since you saw no problem with her being designated as S3's primary residence. Sounds as she's leading up to child support. PLEASE check it out!! I wish I could tell you more information as to what happened to my son, but I have already said too much. Don't think just b/c you can barely support yourself that you won't be expected to pay whatever the court sets for child support.....if they give primary residence to the other parent. It does seem that something regarding child support would have been said by the judge.

If the judge adjusts child visitation, S3 may not be staying 50/50 with each parent. Were both parents required to give a schedule of their working hours?

I would also be careful about depositing any money toward S3 going on the vacation, until you see the adjusted visitation schedule. Also, the judge may split the holidays. If your WW is anything like my former wayward DIL, you will get all the holidays, weekends, and week days that you want.......once the child visitation begins to interfere with her activities.

Well, glad today is over, and maybe you can start letting go more. You don't have to wait till October. I wish you could even stop being curious about how she'll react in the coming months, since you plan to move on without her. I think when you get out and start mingling with other women and see how they are interested in you, there won't be the problem of so much head space devoted to WW. Could be wrong.....but I haven't seen it fail yet. Just please....PLEASE....don't have a rebound relationship.

((hugs))

[OrangeK]

I'm glad you are pleased with how things went. I hope you will check out what "primary" residence really means. In my state, it is the same as "physical" residence. Don't just assume it is what it sounds. If there is really no 50/50 with each parent.......then some child support may be ordered, based on who holds primary residence. It happened to my adult son, before he could recover from being blindsided by his WW. I got the impression your WW and her lawyer sneaked one over on you.....since you saw no problem with her being designated as S3's primary residence. Sounds as she's leading up to child support. PLEASE check it out!! I wish I could tell you more information as to what happened to my son, but I have already said too much. Don't think just b/c you can barely support yourself that you won't be expected to pay whatever the court sets for child support.....if they give primary residence to the other parent. It does seem that something regarding child support would have been said by the judge.

I never said i saw no problem with her being listed as primary, i plan on contesting that and requesting it be put as the "Split Residence" just like everything else. The judge i have seems very fair and was leaning towards my side of things as i explained them. I honestly dont think ill be rake over the coals with this judge.

If the judge adjusts child visitation, S3 may not be staying 50/50 with each parent. Were both parents required to give a schedule of their working hours?

Yes we were. WW explained that she got a new schedule at work that will allow her to do more child pickups from school. My chedule has always been very compadible with doing both drop offs and pickups in the morning for school. He may end up with me M-F for all i know. I can swing that, WW cannot.
Judge also asked "If you have another residences as indicated in Mr. OrkangeK's files, i understand you dont need to disclose the location but are you at another residence or ONLY the one you listed here (MIL's house)"
WW:"Just the one listed there, at my moms"

So if she does have another apartment under OM's name or FIL's name, she lied in court.

I would also be careful about depositing any money toward S3 going on the vacation, until you see the adjusted visitation schedule. Also, the judge may split the holidays. If your WW is anything like my former wayward DIL, you will get all the holidays, weekends, and week days that you want.......once the child visitation begins to interfere with her activities.

Im only going to pay exactly what court orders me to. Not a penny more. Anything else for S3 i can pay for myself and keep records. Im not paying for him to go to FL with FIL and WW.

Well, glad today is over, and maybe you can start letting go more. You don't have to wait till October. I wish you could even stop being curious about how she'll react in the coming months, since you plan to move on without her. I think when you get out and start mingling with other women and see how they are interested in you, there won't be the problem of so much head space devoted to WW. Could be wrong.....but I haven't seen it fail yet. Just please....PLEASE....don't have a rebound relationship.

Why do you mention waiting till October? the TRO is in place until May of 2019. She occupies less and less of my thoughts each day and its been very nice. Seeing her again yesterday helped that along. She looked good but I didn't have the emotional response i expected. I glanced at her once, and she wasn't looking at me, other than that i didn't look in her direction. I have been making tiny headway in meeting other women, Im not in a rush about it though.

I do want to clarify my position on the fact of me wanting to know what to expect from her for protective and reactionary reasons Vs. your thinking that i am still hung up about her, OM and that whole chestnut. I know your better judgment is assuming the worst to try and protect me and i appreciate it. I've admitted i do miss "the illusion" as i've called it, but i know she is a toxic liar, so I am not letting myself confuse The Illusion with The Illusionist anymore.
Knowing and understanding how and when she MAY try to come back into my life will help me to know how to keep my resolve and see through her tactics if and when she tries that so I am not caught off guard and swindled again to her benefit.
I love and appreciate how you remind me of this often to keep me in check, and help keep me on my toes. Dont Stop, but please understand i see the difference between The Monster and The Mask. Thanks largely to you Sandi.

[OrangeK]

Down the roller-coaster we go.

Just noticed another one of WW's "friends" blocked me online.
So the Slander is obviously still happening.

this is the friend who's wedding WW cheated on me at 3 weeks after our wedding.
I have been tempted in the past to message her and basically say
"I know what happened at your wedding, and your awful for covering that up for her, how would you like it if your husband did that to you, and you called looking for him 3 weeks after your wedding and his friend covered for him while he cheated on you while you were at home with the baby?"

I know its pointless pursuit so i didn't do it. Just more of the Injustice pissing me off.

i know i shouldn't care what other people think of me and that her smear campaign only proves that she knows who is truly in the wrong, but it bothers me to know there are people out there who honestly believe i am some crazy abusive monster.

it just irks me.

[OrangeK]

Not worth fretting over. I never liked this person anyway. Glad to know this was a quick dip down on the coaster, climbing again. not letting this crap get under my skin.

[SteveLW]

Down the roller-coaster we go.

Just noticed another one of WW's "friends" blocked me online.
So the Slander is obviously still happening.

this is the friend who's wedding WW cheated on me at 3 weeks after our wedding.
I have been tempted in the past to message her and basically say
"I know what happened at your wedding, and your awful for covering that up for her, how would you like it if your husband did that to you, and you called looking for him 3 weeks after your wedding and his friend covered for him while he cheated on you while you were at home with the baby?"

I know its pointless pursuit so i didn't do it. Just more of the Injustice pissing me off.

i know i shouldn't care what other people think of me and that her smear campaign only proves that she knows who is truly in the wrong, but it bothers me to know there are people out there who honestly believe i am some crazy abusive monster.

it just irks me.

Key phrase is "another of WW's friends". Friends are like family, they will side with their friend even if their friend is in the wrong. I wouldn't worry too much about it. The lack of scruples and morals displayed by people these days doesn't even surprise me anymore.

So that this friend would accept such immoral behavior from your WW really isn't that shocking. A message like the one you considered would do more harm than good.

And as long as we are talking about FB, I know you've argued that for your generation it was a necessity (I disagree, but you seem convinced), but that doesn't mean you need to keep people like this WW's friend around on there. I would go through and purge anyone (block even) that you would be tempted to spy on WW through. Just cut that piece of FB out of even being a temptation. If divorce is the finality of all of this then there is no point in keeping people around on there that are loyal to her.