OrangeK, I'm sure your wife thought and felt something when she saw you but I guess it doesn't make much difference what it was. I hope your hearing goes well tomorrow. You're still early in the process of moving on so you'll pass through so many stages and feelings of grief but you've made it this far. It can't get much worse, right?
OrangeK, I'm sure your wife thought and felt something when she saw you but I guess it doesn't make much difference what it was. I hope your hearing goes well tomorrow. You're still early in the process of moving on so you'll pass through so many stages and feelings of grief but you've made it this far. It can't get much worse, right?
Couldn't say if she felt or thought anything, but like you said it doesn't much matter if or what she did feel or think.
"You're still early in the process of moving on so you'll pass through so many stages and feelings of grief but you've made it this far. It can't get much worse, right?"
Honestly i feel really far along in the process these days. I know i still have a lot of progress to make, but i do not feel the conflict, raw emotion or physical symptoms like knots in my guts or increased heart-rate anymore. The divorce is still in the early stages, but i feel more solid about detaching and moving on than i ever have. Im sure I will still have flares of anger, sadness, and frustration, but im feeling pretty grounded lately. Being lonely is the biggest challenge right now. I always hated sleeping alone.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
I Definitly still have a strong desire for her to admit what shes done, admit it was awful and apologize, but ive accepted its never going to happen. She is just damaged, or so very Wayward that she will never accept what shes done INTERNALY and would prefer to just hide from it, and lie to cover her @$$.
I dont need to waste my time on someone like that, as much as that hurts to say.
"There's a place where everyone can be happy It's the most beautiful place in the whole f**kin' world It's made of candy canes and planes And bright, red choo choo trains And the meanest little boys The most innocent little girls And you know, I wish that I could go there
It's a road that I have not found And I wish you the best of luck, dear Drop a card or letter to my side of town
'cause there's no time for fussing and fighting my friend But baby I'm amazed at the hate that you can send You, painted my entire world, but i don't have the turpentine to clean what you have soiled, and I wont forget it."
"You" by Kind of Like Spitting
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
Above quoted Song is originally by Bad Religion, which i am shocked i didn't know as they are one of my favorite bands. Kind of Like Spitting covered it.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
OrangeK, I'm sure your wife thought and felt something when she saw you but I guess it doesn't make much difference what it was. I hope your hearing goes well tomorrow. You're still early in the process of moving on so you'll pass through so many stages and feelings of grief but you've made it this far. It can't get much worse, right?
Couldn't say if she felt or thought anything, but like you said it doesn't much matter if or what she did feel or think.
"You're still early in the process of moving on so you'll pass through so many stages and feelings of grief but you've made it this far. It can't get much worse, right?"
Honestly i feel really far along in the process these days. I know i still have a lot of progress to make, but i do not feel the conflict, raw emotion or physical symptoms like knots in my guts or increased heart-rate anymore. The divorce is still in the early stages, but i feel more solid about detaching and moving on than i ever have. Im sure I will still have flares of anger, sadness, and frustration, but im feeling pretty grounded lately. Being lonely is the biggest challenge right now. I always hated sleeping alone.
Ok, my friend, be careful here. I've seen you go from this to being deep in despair the next day. (See just last week.) And that is okay. You are early on because you've been locked out of contact for so long. You have the gift of LRT but not by choice. You never really got a chance to DB. Once you get rid of the TRO for good, you can show her how awesome OK has become and what she is missing. You will be 180'd from the things that got you here, you will be GAL like a mad man, you will be emotionally, but lovingly, detached from her. She will be so taken aback by dealing with this new man that she will be intrigued to the point of curiosity!
So stay calm, composed, even-keeled when in her presence, but allow yourself to feel the loss and pain when you need to in private.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Always Frosty my friend, i have recognized and accepted my tendency to flip flop emotionally. its starting to feel more solid in the "IDGAF" camp, but id be lying to myself and all of you here if i said i was 100% over it and good to go.
Originally Posted By: Steve85
I've seen you go from this to being deep in despair the next day. (See just last week.) And that is okay. You are early on because you've been locked out of contact for so long. You have the gift of LRT but not by choice. You never really got a chance to DB.
Exactly, just like i mentioned above, i tried to convince myself several times i was over it, hadn't cleared the hump so to speak, when i hadn't. At all. I still wish i had found out about DB months ago, but ive seen that sentiment echoed here dozens of times, we all wish that.
Originally Posted By: Steve85
Once you get rid of the TRO for good, you can show her how awesome OK has become and what she is missing. You will be 180'd from the things that got you here, you will be GAL like a mad man, you will be emotionally, but lovingly, detached from her. She will be so taken aback by dealing with this new man that she will be intrigued to the point of curiosity!
I will be doing all of this, and will be honestly curious to see if it ever breeds a change in her demeanor. I personally doubt that it ever will, and I will be solidly concreted in as her "scapegoat" for the rest of time, so she will always have someone to blame for her short comings. However her past behaviors have also told me that when I have moved on, to not be surprised when she comes slinking back out of the shadows.
Originally Posted By: Steve85
So stay calm, composed, even-keeled when in her presence, but allow yourself to feel the loss and pain when you need to in private.
the last few times i would have expected the loss and pain to flare up for me all i got was a half-hearted sort of "fizzled out" version of the pain and sadness ive experienced in the past. i think it finally sunk in that I DIDNT DO ANYTHING WRONG. I AM NOT TO BLAME.
Im a fireman, a warrior, a great dad, and a great catch.
She is a tick. Only a matter of time before she [censored] enough blood and falls off to go lay eggs elsewhere.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
MIL: Going to bring S3 for his Haircut tonight, He keeps saying he wants it short. WW asked me to check with you about your preferences about how short to go. She still wants it a bit longer, but with the summer coming and him expressing his opinion she wanted input from you too"
Most of you will know this was already discussed between WW and i last week.
My plan was to reply ME: "if she has any other questions she can reach out to me directly"
or
Me: "Just do what S3 wants"
or
Me: "Her and I already discussed this last week"
Best advice on how to respond??
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
