Just think about what your non-negotiables are. For me it was joint custody of the kids and I wanted to keep the house. The rest was a calculation based on state laws and some stuff I was flexible on that didn't really matter to me.
For example, I kept the car that has a lease on it with a larger payment because I make more. I gave her the car that was almost paid off and had a cheaper payment. We just calculated what it worth and she paid me 1/2 the equity in it (less what we owed).
She let me keep all of our tax return since I am on the hook for paying summer camps this summer during the weeks I have them. I agreed to carry the kids on my insurance but she agreed to carry them if I lost my job. Just little things like that.
She didn't nickel and dime me for everything we have in the house. I let her take whatever she wanted but she only has a 1000 sq ft apartment so she couldn't fit much in it. She didn't itemize everything and make me pay her for what she didn't take.
I pay her $850/mth in child support but that is largely due to the income disparity. In my state child support for 2 kids is 25% of your net income. So we each took 25% of our net incomes and I am paying her the difference (they call it off set child support). I have some buddies that have 50/50 and pay well over $1000 per month. I also didn't have to pay her any Alimony or Spousal support so I considered it mostly a win.
And not having any L's fees was a big plus.
But again every sitch is different and it really depends on the R between the two parties.
I was upset early on but I never did anything to make it worse or to create a poor R between the both of us and to her credit she didn't either but it was largely due to how I handled the sitch.
Between Divorce, WW being an evil half-@$$ing parent, being broke, car about to $hi7 the bed, mounting debt, and a dead end job among other things i honestly have to fight the temptation to drive till i run out of gas, scrap my car, and keep walking.
Im fresh out of give a $hi7, about any and all of this. Im not angry right now, just........apathetic and lacking the desire or motivation to do any of this anymore.
Honestly a homeless pilgrimage sounds awfully appealing right now. I know what you'll all say "stick it out" "you have S3 to worry about, he needs you" and so on. I get it, i do. I never asked to be a parent and WW is just going to make my life a living hell for the next 2 decades. I simply dont want to do it. Id rather bail.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
Eeeek, Your non-negotiable is a state calculated formula. It takes count for your salaries, even if you have 50/50. You may end up paying if you make more than her. And the law will side with her.
I get it....just do your research, find out what the state law is regarding child support and what the state law is regarding visitation, etc.
Me EW and I deviated from the state law because we only live 4 miles from each other and she never wanted full custody but visitation rights and child support are completely separate where I live. Also remember that her and I have an income disparity as well. If our incomes were equal I wouldn't have paid anything or not nearly as much. Additionally if she made more then she might have been paying me.
Visitation in my state for the non-custodial parent is every other weekend and I think one day during the week, like a Wednesday. If I signed up for that then I would be on the hook for the full 25% of my net income, not the difference.
I have a buddy who travels for his job and due to his schedule could not logistically keep his kids every other week so he just went with the state law. He is paying $2300 per month in support, gets his kids every other weekend and 1 night during the week.
Just make sure you know what your signing up for, what your rights are, etc. Don't sign up for anything that you are not comfortable with or are not fully educated on.
I spoke to several of my buddies that were D and went through the process so I got input from them and then I consulted with my friend who is a Judge as well and got his advice.
in my state if it's 50-50 the only thing that has chosen is what his actual residence town is which would determine what school he goes to. beyond that it can either be chosen that one of us is the legal guardian or that we split those decisions
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
