O - I get the anger, I really do and it [censored]. I am 44 years old with a 9 and 7 year old and last year my W just told me 1 day she was done and 3 weeks later she was gone.
Now I see my kids 1.2 the time, am paying child support and all of our savings has been split in half.
I get it.......it's ok to vent. Your early on. Try to start thinking about how you can channel that anger in a positive direction.
1 minute, 1 hour, 1 day at a time.
Today its more bumming out that anger, but I know that all i can to is cut the cords and walk away. I was blindsided, but If i languish where I am at, nothing will improve.
Excersize has been very helpful, and i have a 3 day weekend coming up. I havent been able to sleep in or had 3 days off in a row in ages. it will really help me recharge i think. I plan on doing a midnight hike, hitting the climbing walls, i have tickets to my favorite band. Itll be a good healing weekend.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
I was blindsided as well, so were our children. It took me about 1.5 months before I could remotely function and about 3 months before I felt some what normal. Yes...exercise, exercise, exercise.....I can't stress it enough.
You will cycle, anger, sadness, feeling good, etc. etc. My darkest days were when I had my children because my mind would wonder to what my EW was doing with her free time. Yes, GAL is critical but there are periods when you will be alone at home with your thoughts. Just try to minimize.
I called my mom every morning and every evening on the way home from work and at times would just start crying for no reason. It was brutal, not going to lie.
Just know it is temporary and you will start to feel better. You just have to give yourself time. Everyone greaves differently but I can tell you that taking it out on your EW will not make you feel any better and you will heal quicker if you stick to NC/dark as you can get.
Remember it is not your responsibility to punish your EW.....that will happen in time as it should.
Just know it is temporary and you will start to feel better. You just have to give yourself time. Everyone greaves differently but I can tell you that taking it out on your EW will not make you feel any better and you will heal quicker if you stick to NC/dark as you can get.
Slowly but surely, i can see this happening.
Originally Posted By: Joseph9
Remember it is not your responsibility to punish your EW.....that will happen in time as it should.
I know it will. If youve read what WW is like, you know all she did was reset the time bomb.
Id love to pick your brain about Divorce process, as that is definitely going to happen, hopefully quickly.
Any advice in that regard would be a huge help Joseph.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
I have followed your sitch, just haven't commented as much. Your W moving out and you getting space is the best thing that has happened to you. FWIW. You need to leave her be. If the arrangement is pick up and drop with MIL then stick to it.
The best advice I can give you on the D process is the more that you and your W can come together and agree for the benefit of your S the easier it will be on everyone. That may require you to take the high road in certain situations so she doesn't drag you into the weeds.
You will have to decide what is most important to you and what you will not waiver on. Hold firm on those things, 50/50 split with your kids, and anything else you find important. The other stuff you may give in on. For me it was the kids and the house. After that I didn't give a $hit.....she could take anything else from the house that she wanted. Some things aren't worth the fight but some LBS's want to fight everything and make things more difficult than they need to be because they are pissed off, want to prove a point and make issues that shouldn't be issues.
Was reading through you last bunch of posts in your prior thread.
We all feel or felt similar Orange. We want so much for them to validate. We want them to know they were wrong. To validate that the object that is actually black, and that we keep insisting is black is not white like they are saying.
In her mind, she is not wrong. What she did, her actions got her what she wants. A baby, most likely child support from you, attention from ex, from other men, from you. She gets the excitement of new relationships and worship, she gets pity from people who feel like she was abused and needed a restraining order. She makes you look bad for any future legal issues with RO nyndrawing first blood. Jow is that wrong?
In her mind she was not wrong because she was able to get exactly what she wanted.
She functions on an entirely different code of morals, and ethics. Her values are different so you see black and she sees white.
Trying to rationalize with someone like that is like trying to rationalize against a fundamentalist that votes against his best interests.
Its like trying to get Jeffrey Dahmer to feel remorse for killing children.
These are souless and empty and self serving people.
The only way to deal with them is by keeping a cool and detached disposition, staying alpha and in control, never showing weakness. Like if you worked in a prison, i imagine.
Prepare legally. Get advise from mens groups if you cant afford a lawyer. It varies state to state.
Regarding D, OK, be prepared to do all of the heavy lifting for the divorce. From what we know of your W she will probably not engage much directly, and will only do things through her attorney. And if you do it before the RO is up you won't even be able to discuss things with her directly. Also, from your tax situation (whatever happened with that by the way?) you will have more direct contact with her mom than you will with her.
Good luck in whatever you decide, know that we are pulling for the best possible outcome for you!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
The best advice I can give you on the D process is the more that you and your W can come together and agree for the benefit of your S the easier it will be on everyone. That may require you to take the high road in certain situations so she doesn't drag you into the weeds.
I dont see her being amicable enough to "Come together" on anything anytime soon, but I will be the lighthouse.
Originally Posted By: Joseph9
You will have to decide what is most important to you and what you will not waiver on. Hold firm on those things, 50/50 split with your kids, and anything else you find important. The other stuff you may give in on. For me it was the kids and the house. After that I didn't give a $hit.....she could take anything else from the house that she wanted. Some things aren't worth the fight but some LBS's want to fight everything and make things more difficult than they need to be because they are pissed off, want to prove a point and make issues that shouldn't be issues.
Think about your non-negotibles.
All the belongings are already split, no assets, property, or finances to split. All that will come into play is going to be 2017 taxes and childcare stuff.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
Regarding D, OK, be prepared to do all of the heavy lifting for the divorce. From what we know of your W she will probably not engage much directly, and will only do things through her attorney. And if you do it before the RO is up you won't even be able to discuss things with her directly. Also, from your tax situation (whatever happened with that by the way?) you will have more direct contact with her mom than you will with her.
Good luck in whatever you decide, know that we are pulling for the best possible outcome for you!
The taxes got an extension, and i was told "it can be dealt with after the TRO is lifted" by MIL. Then weeks later the TRO was extended a year. So it will likely be handled in Court now, if she files as single she will owe like $1500. she screwed up her W4 at the beginning of 2017, so she had way less deducted that she should have. Not my problem anymore. She can deal with that herself. She doesnt have a lawyer, neither do i. We are both going in Pro Se.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
